PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE can you help me find my 'style'...I am lost :o(

[Gatekeeper]

I am 51
5' 7
size 16
hourglass shape (although my midriff looks tubby when viewed side on
legs reasonable
shoulder length touselly brown hair
pale skin with pink cheeks
grey eyes
I suit mid grey, rose pink, soft greens, khaki, raspberry pink
I have a long neck which despite the rest of me, is looking a bit scraggy so I look AWFUL in low neck tops, scoop necks etc
I don't suit a-line skirts or empire line stuff or short stops/jackets that stop at my hips or cross over/wrap around stuff

I don't have a clue how to dress anymore and feel utterly shite. Am stuck in jeans and t shirts. I am not looking for a smart look but more a stylish casual thing. I am very envious of women who can throw on the most mundane stuff and look bloody great; I just look like Bella Emberg in everything

What about searching on Pinterest for "smart casual" outfits, nicking a few outfit ideas that would suit your shape and then stick to that template...just buy similar pieces in those shapes and in the colours you know suit? Also, do you read style blogs? Loads of great ideas for everyday outfits.

thank you

I've just had a major wobble...crying my eyes out when after asking dh's opinion- he has given it

He hates to see me in a certain jacket I have...says it makes me look grannyish and frumpy and shapeless...ditto certain trousers and tops and shoes. Once he started he couldn't seem to stop and now is regretting it butI cannot deny what he has said. Any money I have spare goes on my dc (11 and 12) so I am like a ragbag at times

I have just come in from the garden where I have set fire to the hated jacket ...I loathe and detest it too but have put up with it because I make do

bloody hell

we haven't got much money to spare but dh has come and hugged me, told me he loves me but wants me to love 'me' as well. He has gone out and withdrawn £250 and told me e to spend it on me

more help needed please

Nice soft shirts (not crisp worky ones) under a wool or cashmere v or round neck, with nice jeans and cool boots? Round neck tops with a couple of lovely scarves for your neck? Shortish skirt, thick tights, loose jumper and scarf/ shirts as above? What about some simple new make up/ hair cut/ face cream to make you feel good ?

New look has good jeans cheaply.

Like this?
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=cdn4.lookastic.com/looks/scarf-and-crew-neck-sweater-and-crossbody-bag-and-skinny-jeans-and-rain-boots-large-1477.jpg&imgrefurl=lookastic.com/women/looks/scarf-and-crew-neck-sweater-and-crossbody-bag-and-skinny-jeans-and-rain-boots/1477&h=487&w=325&tbnid=iiwjQdgnrWLdKM:&zoom=1&docid=zaGoYJ3ljsF35M&hl=en&ei=KOwWVY_7IcX0PMnwgfgN&tbm=isch&client=safari&ved=0CEgQMyghMCE" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=cdn4.lookastic.com/looks/scarf-and-crew-neck-sweater-and-crossbody-bag-and-skinny-jeans-and-rain-boots-large-1477.jpg&imgrefurl=lookastic.com/women/looks/scarf-and-crew-neck-sweater-and-crossbody-bag-and-skinny-jeans-and-rain-boots/1477&h=487&w=325&tbnid=iiwjQdgnrWLdKM:&zoom=1&docid=zaGoYJ3ljsF35M&hl=en&ei=KOwWVY_7IcX0PMnwgfgN&tbm=isch&client=safari&ved=0CEgQMyghMCE

This with a smaller jumper- maybe a straighter skirt if you have good legs, or ankle booths rather than knee high.

This!

mysteriousneonlights.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/a-wintery-ootd.html?m=1

Yeah - check out some style blogs. There are lots of great sites around.

You might also think about a session with a personal shopper - John Lewis or Debenhams etc...

I think you also need to be careful about fabrics over a certain age. How clothes "sit" becomes more and more important. So maybe think about 4-5 max pieces for a good base to start and build from there.

I agree with Tanaqui too. You wear your hair and skin everyday so they are worth the investment.

Have you had a look at some blogs for inspiration? Midlife chic is very stylish in a classic way. I'm 35 but I really love her style and it's all achievable on a fairly low - middle budget.

You set fire to a jacket!? I want to come round and high five you!

Pinterest is your friend, and look for capsule wardrobe-

I'm a different size to you so no good at suggesting things that will specifically work on your shape but things that are nice and I think worth getting-

Skinny flares
Mid brown heeled ankle boots- sainsbos is had a lovely pair for £40
A couple of grandad collar light weight shirts- h&m
Light weight trench coat or nylon parka- gap or h&m
Couple of Jersey l/sleeve tops- uniqulo
1 pretty top
Soft chinos to roll up- pale blue or soft green- gap or h&m
Ballet flats or ponty flats
Look in charity shops for scarves, necklaces, bangles etc to add to your collection cheaply.

thank you all

some nice ideas and 'yes' I really did burn my jacket; I was overcome with rage and I-am-bloody-sick-of-my-self ness

and 'yes' I could have sent the jacket to a charity shop but I dunno

it felt good and clicked something in my brain

Are you sure you look awful in scoop neck tops?

Long necks are so elegant, even if they do have a wrinkle or two.

So - for summer you want a chic v necked shift dress with a huge beautiful silk scarf to wind round and drape; for winter you want a high necked sweater and a beautifully cut narrow skirt to the most fashionable below knee length? And you probably need to update your shoes and accessories?

First thing - spend some of your money on a subscription to Vogue. Yes there's loads on the Internet but things are somehow more concrete on paper. And it's so well edited. Don't think about prices (though they generally have a "high street" section,) just accustom yourself to seeing possibilities.

You should also look at That's Not My Age blog because it's intelligently written.

I do envy your height. And ability to wear pale, dusty colours. You should be able to have fun getting dressed - I'm pretty sure 50 is where it all starts to get good again.

Where do you usually shop?

I'd aboard anything from White Stuff and Fat face. Go for simple plain pared down looks.

I'm the same size, shape, height and age as you. I buy from Cos and Uniqlo. Simple, and understated

Avoid, not aboard...

Two more thoughts

You don't have any toddlers to run after - you can dress purely for you. It doesn't all have to be casual.

I would suggest you resolve to use what's left over after Vogue on no more than 3 things. So not wild luxury but not supermarket or - whatever. Buy something that will bring you pleasure from a great cut and a serious, natural fabric. (I'm slowly coming round to 21st century techno fabrics - but it takes a bit of care to find reliable designers.)

Have a look at Marni if you like print for ideas. Oh and Rick Owen for staggering, grown up daring.

Definitely go for a personal shopper. I did it in John Lewis last month and ended up buying things I never would have looked at! It was really good fun too.

O Gatekeeper. How lovely is he. Going out and withdrawing money to get clothes. He just wants you to be happy and look good for yourself.
I don't have a lot of money for clothes but I do get some good items off ebay which cost nearly nothing second hand.

Bump

This is a good post and a helpful website generally

www.wardrobeoxygen.com/2013/04/capsule-wardrobe-no-fashion-victim-no-frump.html

Personal shopper would be my first stop after a good haircut. I had worn my hair in the same style for years and had a fab shortish cut on a whim.
Suddenly, I'm no longer an
'invisible' woman on the street
again. I'm a similar age to you.

OP - anyone whose style you admire? Any clothing ranges that reflect the vibe you recognise as most like you (however aspirational)?

Ebay can be your friend - good opportunities to pick up beautiful quality clothes at supermarket prices. If you can get your head around the second hand thing it's amazingly easy to transform your wardrobe and feel very well dressed.

Based on what you say the following might work-

Next lift,slim and shape dark indigo slim leg jeans. Look in clearance early in the morning as they are often half price in there. These are high waisted to pull in the stomach and not add the bulk of the waistband in a place you say you carry a little weight.

Next basic boatnecks in colours you like.

Bretons from Boden in the ivory/ raspberry and ivory/soft purple stripe. There is an offer on at the moment. Advice has been to go up a size as they are cut a bit skimpy this year.

eBay for a couple of Cashmere jumpers to layer. Autograph cashmere is good and sells for an affordable price on there. Something like one mid grey and a navy v-neck.

New look for fake converse style trainers. These are really comfortable and £10.

Lipstick in a rose tone. Avon Tea Rose is a lovely MLBB shade with your colouring. Buy on eBay as it is cheaper. Eye shadow palette from MUA Superdrug for a good selection of neutrals.

Look at the palette for soft summer - if that seems about right buy colours that tone with those as you build your wardrobe and everything will go together.

these come in a nice selection of colours for basics.