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Original poster

Just here for a bitch!

63 replies

Laurdo · 14/04/2023 14:00

Not here for advice or anything, just wanting to bitch! Haha!

My DSDs (5yo) mum just picked her up to take her to a party and will be returning her in 3 hours.

I WFH and DH was at work.

I always say my goodbyes in the house to minimise time having to deal with her mum. She's very high conflict and just a horrible person.

Her mum was standing at the end of the driveway talking on her phone. She usually comes to the door but I let DSD out before she did, and DSD walked up the driveway towards her. I shut the door immediately but could hear her say to DSD "Did you say thank you to Laurdo for babysitting, was Laurdo babysitting cos dad's away?"

I'm a very hands on stepmum, I do the school run (mum is aware of this), take her out to get our nails done. Etc. We have DSD just over 50% and I've lived with DH for 2 years now and we're married. So hardly just a babysitter.

She's made the same comment before. She's also referred to me as "the help".

Why can't she just shut the fuck up and keep my name out of her mouth? I know she's just saying it to wind me up, which is why I always just grey rock her. What's even more annoying is she says it in that high pitched voice some people do when they're talking to little kids in a super patronising way. Like nails down a chalkboard!

It's getting harder not to snipe back but I now that's what she wants and I'm not giving it to her.

OP posts:
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NewNameNigel · 14/04/2023 15:32

You're angry because she asked the child to say thank you?
This seems a bit..... Farfetched.
Are you hoping this thread winds people up for your entertainment?

Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 15:34

Spot the non step-parent 🤣

OP posts:
marshmallowsforbreakfast · 14/04/2023 15:36

She told her daughter to say thank you? If a none parent looks after a child, that's baby sitting IMO.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 14/04/2023 15:37

IMO that's babysitting you're not parenting you're not her parent.

NewNameNigel · 14/04/2023 15:39

Laurdo · 14/04/2023 15:34

Spot the non step-parent 🤣

I think I have spotted the non step parent. Hint, it's not me.

willywoowaaaa · 14/04/2023 15:41

I also would not like to be called a babysitter form DSD mum.

Witchofcawdor · 14/04/2023 15:43

OP, I'd see calling you a babysitter as a dig. It's trying to suggest that that's all you are in her life but it likely comes from a place of insecurity of your DSD lives with you more than she lives with her so I would just keep grey rocking her.

Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 15:44

You don't need to be a biological parent to parent a child. There's a huge difference between parenting and babysitting.

OP posts:
GoodnightJude1 · 14/04/2023 15:45

You should have called out “This babysitter charges £15 ph….I can do cash or bank transfer?”

Screwballs · 14/04/2023 15:45

Oh god, I really don't know why the mother folk bother coming here to comment, don't they have their own boards to slag off their exs on?

It's not babysitting, it's parenting. If you adopted a child, you wouldn't be babysitting them for 18 years, there is no difference, you are married to her father, you are legally their step mother, end of argument. But rise above it, don't let it get to you, she's only winning at that point. Deep breath, stick a finger up at the door, go make yourself a cup of tea and enjoy three hours of peace.

Screwballs · 14/04/2023 15:46

What is grey rocking?!

Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 15:48

Witchofcawdor · 14/04/2023 15:43

OP, I'd see calling you a babysitter as a dig. It's trying to suggest that that's all you are in her life but it likely comes from a place of insecurity of your DSD lives with you more than she lives with her so I would just keep grey rocking her.

Yeah it absolutely was a dig and I too think it comes from a place of insecurity. If she was a better mother maybe she wouldn't feel that way.

OP posts:
MelchiorsMistress · 14/04/2023 15:48

Grandparents babysit. Older siblings babysit. Aunties and uncles babysit. The word babysit isn’t a reflection of a child’s relationship with someone, it’s just what happens when someone other than the child’s parent is looking after them at home.

She was telling her child to say thank you when you didn’t even have the courtesy to acknowledge her or wait for her to come to the door. I’m not sure you’re the one that has reason to want a bitch.

OnMyWayToSenility · 14/04/2023 15:49

No one is going to say parenting are they?
you say thank you for babysitting is okay... maybe she's a bit miffed on your behalf that her dad should be doing it not you?

Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 15:50

GoodnightJude1 · 14/04/2023 15:45

You should have called out “This babysitter charges £15 ph….I can do cash or bank transfer?”

I have contemplated posting an invoice to her before. 🤣

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2023 15:51

You want to be seen as a parent, which undermines her. She wants to see you as a babysitter, which undermines you.

Sometimes there's no right answer if no one wants to see each other's POV.

Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 15:52

Screwballs · 14/04/2023 15:46

What is grey rocking?!

Essentially acting like a rock. Non responsive. Not responding to digs, not responding to texts that aren't 100% necessary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 15:58

MelchiorsMistress · 14/04/2023 15:48

Grandparents babysit. Older siblings babysit. Aunties and uncles babysit. The word babysit isn’t a reflection of a child’s relationship with someone, it’s just what happens when someone other than the child’s parent is looking after them at home.

She was telling her child to say thank you when you didn’t even have the courtesy to acknowledge her or wait for her to come to the door. I’m not sure you’re the one that has reason to want a bitch.

Generally aunts and uncles don't implement boundaries, don't make major decisions about the child.

I know this woman well enough to know it was not said in a genuine manner.

OP posts:
tatteddear · 14/04/2023 15:59

Yeah she's being a twat. Ignore her. It's sad really and no reflection on anything you do for SDD in reality.

Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 16:00

OnMyWayToSenility · 14/04/2023 15:49

No one is going to say parenting are they?
you say thank you for babysitting is okay... maybe she's a bit miffed on your behalf that her dad should be doing it not you?

She doesn't ask DSD to say thanks to her dad.

OP posts:
Oojamaflipp · 14/04/2023 16:04

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2023 15:51

You want to be seen as a parent, which undermines her. She wants to see you as a babysitter, which undermines you.

Sometimes there's no right answer if no one wants to see each other's POV.

I think this is exactly right.

She's feeling insecure OP about your role in her DD's life and is trying to undermine you. I would just recognise it for what it is and carry on ignoring/smiling nicely. Basically rise above i.

Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 16:08

Oojamaflipp · 14/04/2023 16:04

I think this is exactly right.

She's feeling insecure OP about your role in her DD's life and is trying to undermine you. I would just recognise it for what it is and carry on ignoring/smiling nicely. Basically rise above i.

Show quote history

Yeah, I thankfully manage to rise above it infront of her but it still annoys me. I wish it didn't. It's not just what she says infront of me but the fact she also says all sorts about DH and I to DSD on her own as well.

OP posts:
OnMyWayToSenility · 14/04/2023 16:10

Why would she have to thank her father for doing what he's supposed to be doing???

Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 16:13

Screwballs · 14/04/2023 15:45

Oh god, I really don't know why the mother folk bother coming here to comment, don't they have their own boards to slag off their exs on?

It's not babysitting, it's parenting. If you adopted a child, you wouldn't be babysitting them for 18 years, there is no difference, you are married to her father, you are legally their step mother, end of argument. But rise above it, don't let it get to you, she's only winning at that point. Deep breath, stick a finger up at the door, go make yourself a cup of tea and enjoy three hours of peace.

They're so easy to spot as well. You can just tell they have no idea of some of this shit we need to deal with. And of course mums can do no wrong and will always have their kids interests at heart. A mum would never use their child as a weapon.

The woman just raises my blood pressure! I wish she didn't, but I think I do well not to show it or react in front of her.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 14/04/2023 16:15

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 14/04/2023 15:37

IMO that's babysitting you're not parenting you're not her parent.

She's her step parent.

Which part of step parenting isn't parenting when your doing the school run, feeding them and providing a roof over their head?