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Original poster

Just here for a bitch!

63 replies

Laurdo · 14/04/2023 14:00

Not here for advice or anything, just wanting to bitch! Haha!

My DSDs (5yo) mum just picked her up to take her to a party and will be returning her in 3 hours.

I WFH and DH was at work.

I always say my goodbyes in the house to minimise time having to deal with her mum. She's very high conflict and just a horrible person.

Her mum was standing at the end of the driveway talking on her phone. She usually comes to the door but I let DSD out before she did, and DSD walked up the driveway towards her. I shut the door immediately but could hear her say to DSD "Did you say thank you to Laurdo for babysitting, was Laurdo babysitting cos dad's away?"

I'm a very hands on stepmum, I do the school run (mum is aware of this), take her out to get our nails done. Etc. We have DSD just over 50% and I've lived with DH for 2 years now and we're married. So hardly just a babysitter.

She's made the same comment before. She's also referred to me as "the help".

Why can't she just shut the fuck up and keep my name out of her mouth? I know she's just saying it to wind me up, which is why I always just grey rock her. What's even more annoying is she says it in that high pitched voice some people do when they're talking to little kids in a super patronising way. Like nails down a chalkboard!

It's getting harder not to snipe back but I now that's what she wants and I'm not giving it to her.

OP posts:
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mrsbitaly · 14/04/2023 20:44

Screwballs · 14/04/2023 15:45

Oh god, I really don't know why the mother folk bother coming here to comment, don't they have their own boards to slag off their exs on?

It's not babysitting, it's parenting. If you adopted a child, you wouldn't be babysitting them for 18 years, there is no difference, you are married to her father, you are legally their step mother, end of argument. But rise above it, don't let it get to you, she's only winning at that point. Deep breath, stick a finger up at the door, go make yourself a cup of tea and enjoy three hours of peace.

Perfectly said

AelinAshriver · 14/04/2023 20:51

Pitty the bitter, jelous ex OP.

She knows it's BS, you know it's BS. DSD knows it's BS. But unfortunately, Ex is projecting to make herself feel better.

Continue being the better person and ignore her. (Then come and vent on here if you need too) She's clearly just a twat.

Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 21:34

SorePaw · 14/04/2023 18:02

But Laurdo's not a NON parent, she's a hands on step parent and had been for two years since the child was 2.

She's deliberately trying to reduce Laurdo's place in her daughters life. It's pathetic & hurts the child as much as the step parent.

the only time I can understand it, is if that person was an Affair Partner - even the it's time to pull your big girl pants up and act better for the child sake.

@Laurdo Grey Rock. Remind DSD that you look after her because you love her/are family/however it works with you guys.

Show quote history

I'd understand the animosity if I had been the other woman but that wasn't the case. She however has been having an affair with a married man for about a year now but that's a whole other story.

I once overheard a conversation between DSD and her little friend. The friend asked who I was and DSD replied "She's my family". DH has explained to her what a stepmum is and she made me a card and brought me flowers and breakfast in bed on mother's day.

Tonight she told me she loves me more than crisps haha! She totally makes all the drama worthwhile.

OP posts:
DidyouNO · 14/04/2023 21:48

My husband is my children's step parent and I'd never view him as a babysitter. He's their parent. A step parent but still a parent. I absolutely disagree with pp that you are a baby sitter.
It's just rude of the step mum to say that. She's trying to get a rise from you. Don't lower yourself to her level. Good luck, you sound like a wonderful mum, step or otherwise. Onwards and upwards.

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 14/04/2023 21:56

It’s so obvious what she’s doing (trying to undermine you), and it’s so obvious that it comes from a place of insecurity, that I can’t understand why you let it bother you.

Surely you should just be internally pitying and/or (again, internally) laughing / rolling your eyes at her. 🤷🏻‍♀️

SorePaw · 14/04/2023 22:29

@Laurdo

You weren't the AP (great) but my point was, even if you were, as a parent you rise above it, because it hurts the child too have the parent TRY to diminish the step parents place in their lives. She's being unfair to you both! Stupid bitch.

DSD sounds adorable! You're family AND better than crisps. The kids ain't daft! Keep on keeping on!!

anytime you need me to hold your cost, or help you dig footings for your extension..PM ME!!

Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 22:32

Anuta77 · 14/04/2023 18:14

Ha, my DP also has 2 exes and the 2nd ex is the mother of my SD. Ex2 also stayed involved with DPs sons from first marriage (they were only coming EOW, so its not like she raised them) by flattering their mother (1st ex) and they stayed pretty close while almost not having time to come over our house. She was also making sure DP stays present for her son who does have a father.

Well, she treated me as an empty space, I was just the woman who lives with my DP whom she did treat as a babysitter (while smiling and pretending to be nice to him). As soon as SD hit 11 years old and could stay home alone, she only came EOW. NOT ONE DAY MORE, not even on vacations. She was conditionned like this.

So, I understand you, but I would say that your SD probably wouldnt understand that it was a dig and in some way, the mother is cultivating some sort of gratitude. Because trust me, many kids take care for granted. When SD hit puberty, all her niceness evaporated for a while.

Also the fact that she notified you to take her to a party was considerate. My DPs ex would just announce to him that he doesnt need to pick up SD (DP is also a taxi) because they have plans XYZ and he just had to swallow it. Once he had to stay until 1 am on Sat waiting for SD to be brought from a party, so he only had her less than a day. Etc,

So I would say, your situation could have been worse, so dont let herself be bothered by that. If she calls the ex step son her son (let me guess is he friends with her son?), its because she needs validation and you are a threat.

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It's scary how similar our stories are. According to DH and some ex friends of his ex, she hated ex1 but as soon as ex2 and DH split up she was suddenly on the phone wanting to be her friend. I've never actually met ex1 but she seems lovely and has never caused DH any problems. Both boys were raised as brothers and the ex2s son actually lives with us about 70%.

She has to notify DH if she wants to have DSD outwith the agreed schedule. This was written into the court order. She actually dropped a whole scheduled day/night in exchange for the 3 hours today which had to be agreed first with DH.

The situation could definitely be worse. Some of the stories I've read on here are unbelievable. It's a shame that people can't just behave like adults, at least for their kids sake.

OP posts:
SorePaw · 14/04/2023 22:33

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 14/04/2023 21:56

It’s so obvious what she’s doing (trying to undermine you), and it’s so obvious that it comes from a place of insecurity, that I can’t understand why you let it bother you.

Surely you should just be internally pitying and/or (again, internally) laughing / rolling your eyes at her. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In theory yes!

but what hurts & it's allowed to. She doesn't ruse to it in front of the nasty cow nor DSD.

she's allowed to vent on here!!

I'd be internally Burying the bitch!

Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 22:36

AelinAshriver · 14/04/2023 20:51

Pitty the bitter, jelous ex OP.

She knows it's BS, you know it's BS. DSD knows it's BS. But unfortunately, Ex is projecting to make herself feel better.

Continue being the better person and ignore her. (Then come and vent on here if you need too) She's clearly just a twat.

Haha. Thank fuck for mumsnet and other SMs who get it. It definitely takes a lot of will power being the bigger person when I really just want to put her in her place!

OP posts:
Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 22:44

DidyouNO · 14/04/2023 21:48

My husband is my children's step parent and I'd never view him as a babysitter. He's their parent. A step parent but still a parent. I absolutely disagree with pp that you are a baby sitter.
It's just rude of the step mum to say that. She's trying to get a rise from you. Don't lower yourself to her level. Good luck, you sound like a wonderful mum, step or otherwise. Onwards and upwards.

Thank you. My DH definitely sees me as a parent and often asks my opinion on things and even for guidance about parenting decisions. He has given me fully permission to implement any boundaries, make decisions and discipline DSD as I see fit as he trusts that I would always do the right thing and we are usually always on the same page when it comes to parenting.

DSDs nursery treat me like her parent and I'm usually the first person they call of DSD is sick.

I try my very best to be the best stepmum possible and I genuinely love being a stepmum. The ex is the only thorn in my side. Thankfully I don't have to deal with her directly very often.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 22:47

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 14/04/2023 21:56

It’s so obvious what she’s doing (trying to undermine you), and it’s so obvious that it comes from a place of insecurity, that I can’t understand why you let it bother you.

Surely you should just be internally pitying and/or (again, internally) laughing / rolling your eyes at her. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeah you're absolutely right. I really wish she didn't get to me so much. She's made comments to DH before and I just laughed it off. I think what bothers me about it is that DSD is being used as a pawn for her little games.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laurdo · 14/04/2023 22:51

SorePaw · 14/04/2023 22:29

@Laurdo

You weren't the AP (great) but my point was, even if you were, as a parent you rise above it, because it hurts the child too have the parent TRY to diminish the step parents place in their lives. She's being unfair to you both! Stupid bitch.

DSD sounds adorable! You're family AND better than crisps. The kids ain't daft! Keep on keeping on!!

anytime you need me to hold your cost, or help you dig footings for your extension..PM ME!!

I appreciate that so much. Thank you.

DSD is such a sweetie. I'm so blessed to have her in my life.

OP posts:
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ImaniMumsnet · 15/04/2023 11:50

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