Just here for a bitch!

[Laurdo]

Not here for advice or anything, just wanting to bitch! Haha!

My DSDs (5yo) mum just picked her up to take her to a party and will be returning her in 3 hours.

I WFH and DH was at work.

I always say my goodbyes in the house to minimise time having to deal with her mum. She's very high conflict and just a horrible person.

Her mum was standing at the end of the driveway talking on her phone. She usually comes to the door but I let DSD out before she did, and DSD walked up the driveway towards her. I shut the door immediately but could hear her say to DSD "Did you say thank you to Laurdo for babysitting, was Laurdo babysitting cos dad's away?"

I'm a very hands on stepmum, I do the school run (mum is aware of this), take her out to get our nails done. Etc. We have DSD just over 50% and I've lived with DH for 2 years now and we're married. So hardly just a babysitter.

She's made the same comment before. She's also referred to me as "the help".

Why can't she just shut the fuck up and keep my name out of her mouth? I know she's just saying it to wind me up, which is why I always just grey rock her. What's even more annoying is she says it in that high pitched voice some people do when they're talking to little kids in a super patronising way. Like nails down a chalkboard!

It's getting harder not to snipe back but I now that's what she wants and I'm not giving it to her.

It's the same as referring to a dad as a babysitter cos the mums gone out. Erm no he's just looking after his child.
You are coparenting. Not a babysitter

Why does she have to say anything? She's collected her from my mum before and didn't ask her to say thanks. Only to me. It's purely a wind up.

Does she expect her DD to thank me every time I bath her, put her to bed, get her ready for nursery?

Apparently she refers to DH as "daddy day care" on social media.

I don't think that "step mother" is a legal status.

You can be legally the wife of a man who has a child, and colloquially that is called a step mother. However I don't believe that marrying a man gives you any legal parental responsibility towards his child, does it? A step-parent's level of involvement is a matter of agreement between the parents and it can be documented in law by giving the step parent parental responsibility, but they don't get it automatically upon marriage.

Erm no, because mum referred to step mum as the babysitter ! Did you really not catch that ! Wow .

I think since she's called you the help in the past. It's probably gotten more under your skin.I think that's probably what others are missing.

That and the fact you don't talk to each other and she's being fairly passive aggressive and using her child to wind you up is a bit snarky to elicit a response.

She sounds tiring. I would smile and wave and say nothing. Knowing your lack of response will probably boil her blood more.

Tbh I think people are idiots who refer to their partners as "babysitting" - usually dads. Who are in fact just parenting.

Deep breath op. It's not worth the agg.

This coming from someone who is often referred to as "money bags" 🙄 by my DSC mum . Like the money I make just fell on my head. Randomly. From no intervention from me 😅

Yeah you're absolutely right. There's also plenty of step-parents who get married but chose not to get involved in any parenting. There's step-parents who are heavily involved in a childs upbringing but never marry their parent.

The irony is, my DH has a DS to another ex and DSDs mum refers to him as her son. She also has a DS who's not biologically DHs but has been raised calling DH dad because his biological father was not around. DH and his ex were never married. Double standards if you ask me.

I'm not asking to me called "mum" but I'm not "the babysitter".

I used to be referred to as "the cake lady" because I bake as a hobby. Apparently DH was only with me because he needed someone to make his dinners.

DH is actually an amazing cook and does his fair share of cooking at home. On the other hand his ex once poured a tin of plain chopped tomatoes over pasta and wondered why no one would eat it.

We had been together over a year and had just bought a house together and I was still "his new bird".

But it seems you were babysitting. I would expect my child to say thank you to an aunt or friend if they babysat.

If you’ve only been with the dad for a year I don’t think that makes you a step parent and you were baby sitting. Before you shout at me you have no idea of my family set up.

Ahh just seen you were together a year and were seen as new then- that is new.. still stand by what I said

We haven't only been together a year. My last post said "when we'd been together over a year I was still being called his new bird".

@Laurdo people like to wilfully misunderstand posts it seems.

Or reading literacy has gone wayyy down hill

Honestly the more amused you are by these comments the less they a appear

"No problem, see you when you come home darling" slam door 👋 😂

I'm not a step mum but I have one who is amazing.

I don't blame you for being pissed off. But she'll never change. Your DSD knows you're her step PARENT and she knows you're amazing.

I expect when DSD is a teenager she'll need you more than ever! I have read that "high conflict" women tend to get jealous of their own daughters as they get older. And my therapist confirmed this to be true.

Anyway, have a bitch and dance to some music (Boss Bitch by Doja Cat!) 🥳

Does this GIF sum it all up? 😂

Thank you.

She's already showing signs of jealousy towards DSD which is worrying. I've also done a bit of research into narcissistic mothers and their daughters.

DSD is a total girly girl. She loves getting dressed up and putting on her accessories.

Her mum dresses her in "boys" clothes, lots of black and grey. Doesn't brush her hair.

I could just be reading too much into it though.

I do worry about her mum being a bad influence on her but thankfully, for now at least, she seems to be a lovely, kind little girl.

Send kiddo out with an invoice for your babysitting services and expenses next time. What a silly bint.

I've had nearly 19 years of this treatment and used to be called The Wicked Stepmother whilst doing school runs, holidays etc, I really got to me DH had a stressful/London job so I didn't mind for the childrens sake helping as I was part time because of my own children. They then came to live with us as they saw Mum move from partner to partner, then she wanted the youngest back to claim benefits when the last relationship ended, she loved her Mum of course so went back. All this time I was sneered at and called names and the kids when they were young hated me which was so hard. They are now much older and I have a great relationship with them now so OP, it takes time but it will get better, keep your cool :-)

But Laurdo's not a NON parent, she's a hands on step parent and had been for two years since the child was 2.

She's deliberately trying to reduce Laurdo's place in her daughters life. It's pathetic & hurts the child as much as the step parent.

the only time I can understand it, is if that person was an Affair Partner - even the it's time to pull your big girl pants up and act better for the child sake.

@Laurdo Grey Rock. Remind DSD that you look after her because you love her/are family/however it works with you guys.

Ha, my DP also has 2 exes and the 2nd ex is the mother of my SD. Ex2 also stayed involved with DPs sons from first marriage (they were only coming EOW, so its not like she raised them) by flattering their mother (1st ex) and they stayed pretty close while almost not having time to come over our house. She was also making sure DP stays present for her son who does have a father.

Well, she treated me as an empty space, I was just the woman who lives with my DP whom she did treat as a babysitter (while smiling and pretending to be nice to him). As soon as SD hit 11 years old and could stay home alone, she only came EOW. NOT ONE DAY MORE, not even on vacations. She was conditionned like this.

So, I understand you, but I would say that your SD probably wouldnt understand that it was a dig and in some way, the mother is cultivating some sort of gratitude. Because trust me, many kids take care for granted. When SD hit puberty, all her niceness evaporated for a while.

Also the fact that she notified you to take her to a party was considerate. My DPs ex would just announce to him that he doesnt need to pick up SD (DP is also a taxi) because they have plans XYZ and he just had to swallow it. Once he had to stay until 1 am on Sat waiting for SD to be brought from a party, so he only had her less than a day. Etc,

So I would say, your situation could have been worse, so dont let herself be bothered by that. If she calls the ex step son her son (let me guess is he friends with her son?), its because she needs validation and you are a threat.

My DP is ex is like this, we've been together 10 years, have 2 children together yet she still slags me off continuously to DSC and even goes as far as to tell her children that mine and DPs children are not related to hers because im there mum and not her 🙄 never spoken a word to the woman in 10yrs yet she is obsessed with me and my life 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oof I was with you there til the last sentence! If it makes her feel better to not admit to herself that you and her kid have bonded then I'd just let it go tbh. You know the truth.

Sorry you had such a terrible experience. I'm glad you have a great relationship with them now.

I just don't get it. Surely having an extra person to love your child is a good thing. DSD and I have a great relationship so I hope her mother's poison doesn't change that.

You do seem like you'd be quite happy for her to actually call you mum...