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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Stepkids here today. Keep me company please..

67 replies

sunshinesallday · 30/10/2022 10:03

We aren't a very well blended family, and after many years of trying I accept it for what it is now and just live with it. I usually make plans to see friends EOW but for various reasons today I don't have any.

I've found myself with absolutely nothing to do today, and an extra hour to fill to top it. I really prefer to keep myself to myself because the mess and noise in the rest of the house drives me mad. (probably more my problem than their behaviour).

Maybe should post this in 'chat' but just trying to keep myself occupied and away from shopping websites ;)

Hope you're all having a good Sunday.

OP posts:
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LadyCluck · 30/10/2022 11:06

My two SC are arriving later.
DH is already winding himself up and getting ready to roll the red carpet out. I find it very difficult to relax in my own home when he’s like this. It’s exhausting.
I’ve disengaged now for
a couple of reasons. I’m civil to SC when they arrive, ask how they’ve been, etc but don’t get involved beyond that.

What time are your SC due to arrive / leave??

Original poster
sunshinesallday · 30/10/2022 11:18

Yes, exactly that. The red carpet is out and it is draining. I can’t relax at all. Currently waiting for SC3 to finish breakfast then I will have mine. Just prefer to eat by myself. They came Friday eve and leave early eve today. We’ve swapped weekends for something so they will be here next weekend too…

OP posts:
JennyJungle · 30/10/2022 11:19

Can you find a new series to watch in your room? Chill out for the day.

roarfeckingroarr · 30/10/2022 11:34

Take yourself out for lunch and a walk?

Original poster
sunshinesallday · 30/10/2022 11:36

I'd love to go for a lovely long walk, but it is very wet here right now, and I have a foot injury which prohibits that. Am definitely going to chill and watch Netflix. Unfortunately, or probably fortunately, I don't have much chocolate in the house ;)

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 11:36

roarfeckingroarr · 30/10/2022 11:34

Take yourself out for lunch and a walk?

I agree with this - but take a book and a flask of tea on your walk too

CornishGem1975 · 30/10/2022 11:39

I get a bit like this but fortunately when my SC are my own DC tend to be here at the same time, and they are older, so I either hang out in my teen DCs bedroom and chat with them, spend time gossiping on Facetime with DD's friends rather than spend time in the living room watching some god awful drivel with kids that won't sit still for more than 30 seconds.

gratefulheart · 30/10/2022 11:40

This is such a sad thread, how unwanted these children will feel.

Original poster
sunshinesallday · 30/10/2022 11:45

I don't think they feel unwanted. I was very chatty and sat with them Friday eve all evening, and yesterday morning we went out. Today they are in and out and busy with their own things, it is just that I don't feel relaxed and prefer to keep myself busy.

OP posts:
LadyCluck · 30/10/2022 12:06

Not sad at all @gratefulheart
Its hard to explain unless you’re living it.
I could write pages and pages about the experience of being a SM but there will always be those who choose not to see both sides and will bang the “poor children” drum. We don’t have to put our lives on hold for other peoples children. Be civil and welcoming, yes. They do however have a perfectly capable PARENT in the home who should be doing just that - parenting.
This board is a place for Step-parents to vent / get support / advice. Unless you are one, maybe head to another board.

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/10/2022 12:07

How old are they?

Original poster
sunshinesallday · 30/10/2022 12:14

18 & 21. The 23 year old has, in the last month or two, stopped coming to stay. (no problem, just she doesn't want to be back and forward any more).

I'm enjoying Netflix, mumsnet, and found the trick & treat stash of choc, and seeing as we don't have a pumpkin outside apparently that means we won't have anybody knock. Am trying to resist rejoining Beauty pie and spending a fortune from the sofa too.

OP posts:
stopitstopitnow · 30/10/2022 12:16

gratefulheart · 30/10/2022 11:40

This is such a sad thread, how unwanted these children will feel.

MN is full of people telling SM's that they should take a step back as the SDC are there to visit the actual parent not them. Here is a SM doing exactly that and is now being accused of making the DSC feel "unwanted". Step-parents, especially SM's really can't win on here can they?

Original poster
sunshinesallday · 30/10/2022 12:19

Thank you so much to those of you on here that get me.

As you say, I am not complaining, or hating, or making anybody's life hard. I'm just trying to enjoy some me time without the usual social arrangements I have EOW, and with a foot injury.

Chocolate is def helping!

OP posts:
PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 30/10/2022 12:19

@gratefulheart do you have any experience of having SC or are you here just to goad and cause problem?

OP I know exactly how you feel. Try and get out if you can, even just for a drive. It’s so tiring and unfulfilling.

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/10/2022 12:29

At least they are old enough to entertain themselves. I would probably stay out the way too and do my own things.

LadyCluck · 30/10/2022 12:38

@sunshinesallday Netflix, chocolate and mumsnet sounds like a fine afternoon to me. Budge up, I’ll bring wine. 😁

gogohmm · 30/10/2022 12:44

@gratefulheart

Was thinking the same. Dsd is away at the moment and I miss her. Ok she's older but she chose to move in with us which I take as a compliment. We'll make Halloween treats tomorrow and calve the pumpkin.

pickleandpolish · 30/10/2022 12:57

gratefulheart · 30/10/2022 11:40

This is such a sad thread, how unwanted these children will feel.

I'm not a step parent but I am a step child. I can see where you are coming from sometimes. Some step parent threads can get quite nasty at times and I view those with a bit of sadness. I hope my step mother didn't see me as a burden as a child like some do. But I don't think it's a fair comment on this thread at all. The OP hasn't said anything disparaging about her step children. She sounds mindful and just wants to keep out of the way and enjoy her free time.

gratefulheart · 30/10/2022 12:57

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 30/10/2022 12:19

@gratefulheart do you have any experience of having SC or are you here just to goad and cause problem?

OP I know exactly how you feel. Try and get out if you can, even just for a drive. It’s so tiring and unfulfilling.

I do
As a step parent
And a step child

Humans with feelings

Original poster
sunshinesallday · 30/10/2022 12:59

@pickleandpolish thank you.

@LadyCluck I'll get the wine glasses out...

OP posts:
America12 · 30/10/2022 14:38

Sympathies. I couldn't cope with it. Do they still want to come every other weekend at their ages ?

girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 14:53

They're grown adults and he's still rolling out the red carpet EOW?!

Original poster
sunshinesallday · 30/10/2022 15:25

The 23 year old decided in September to stop staying over, and the 18 & 21 year old still stay 2 nights EOW. Yes, the red carpet. Overall I'm fine with it, but sometimes I just need to have some me time and peace and quiet. Two weekends in a row now (because of other plans), is going to be heavy going but I'm about to watch a new series (new to me) on Netflix. Feel sick from so much fruit & nut!
I do feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel because the 18 yr old will be going to uni next September so will only be the 21 yr old (not going to uni).

OP posts:
JennyJungle · 30/10/2022 15:41

I can’t believe they are all coming over eow at their ages!! I wouldn’t expect the 21/23 year old to be sleeping over anymore and Borderline for 18 year old.

id be expecting the 21/23 year old to be popping in for a couple of hours and then going home.

This may be because I moved out at 19 and haven’t been back home since!