Page 3 | Stepkids here today. Keep me company please..

sunshinesallday · 2022-10-30T10:03:17+00:00

We aren't a very well blended family, and after many years of trying I accept it for what it is now and just live with it. I usually make plans to see friends EOW but for various reasons today I don't have any. I've found myself with absolutely nothing to do today, and an extra hour to fill to top it. I really prefer to keep myself to myself because the mess and noise in the rest of the house drives me mad. (probably more my problem than their behaviour). Maybe should post this in 'chat' but just trying to keep myself occupied and away from shopping websites ;) Hope you're all having a good Sunday.

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JoandLily · 14/11/2022 12:22

Oh god I was hoping my SS would stop coming to stay for the weekend when he's 21 :(

Coffeepot72 · 14/11/2022 15:36

Oh god I was hoping my SS would stop coming to stay for the weekend when he's 21 :(

Make sure he goes to Uni, then hopefully it will stop at 18! I never minded visits, but rostered/scheduled visits for an adult is just ridiculous

Original poster

sunshinesallday · 16/11/2022 12:46

It has continued here during uni holidays, and after finishing uni, so going to uni is no guarantee it will stop for some...

Although they are adults, they do seem to need a lot of looking after. They are often short of things when they arrive here and so DP usually runs out to the shops several times during the course of the weekend. The right sort of milk, moisturiser, sun lotion, even sanitary products. They need help with all manner of things and aren't really very independent at all so tbh it is probably the same input as having early teens around IMO.

However, this is his issue and not mine and there is no problem with them coming here at all. All I am really after is my own space and quiet when they are around and some understanding from here, which was lovely.

OP posts:

Liorae · 16/11/2022 12:53

gratefulheart · 30/10/2022 11:40

This is such a sad thread, how unwanted these children will feel.

Much less unwanted as the OP feels at the moment I would suspect.

Coffeepot72 · 16/11/2022 12:57

This is such a sad thread, how unwanted these children will feel.

But they're not children, they're adults - that's the whole issue. In any other setting, if an adult visits their father, it's generally not dictated by a rota, and the father doesn't need to parent them during the visit. It's simply two+ adults getting together. But step children are frequently infantilised, and access/parenting arrangements that worked when they were 6 just don't sit right when they're 25! Arrangements seem to get set in stone and don't change as life changes, it's very unhealthy.

Liorae · 16/11/2022 13:00

Energeticenoch · 09/11/2022 13:50

I actually think that as young adults it's lovely they want to spend that much time with their dad, he's obviously a good dad in their eyes or they wouldn't do it. I fail to see how 2 adult step children can cause stress by staying over, it's not like they need looking after and their dad rolls out the red carpet because he's excited to see his kids and wants them to know it, how nice.

When young adults make a point of visiting eow it's usually with a hand out expecting money. I don't have kids or step kids, so this is anecdotally from friends.

Riapia · 16/11/2022 13:13

@gratefulheart
Don’t believe all that you read.
😉

Coffeepot72 · 16/11/2022 13:25

When young adults make a point of visiting eow it's usually with a hand out expecting money. I don't have kids or step kids, so this is anecdotally from friends.

It was slightly different for us. The ex was quite keen for DSS to fly the nest and have some sort of independence, but I've since found out she did her best to persuade him to maintain rostered visits to his Dad .......

Redrumredrum1 · 07/12/2022 06:18

Hey I got 2 stepkids. I can’t relax around them. One is fiercely loyal to his mother and asks me questions …then runs to share responses to his mom on comp. they’re very minipulative and rude. Husband doesn’t want to see it and lets them act like they’re 1/2 their age and trash the place. They’re 12 and 14. Any advice on dealing w this without going crazy. They come only weekends but being around them sucks. They’re competitive with me and try to cause me problems. One brings up his mom non stop and compares her to me constantly. Husband doesn’t FA. The other snoops through things and lies pathologically. They both have poor hygiene, eat w mouths hanging open and expect to be waited on. They’re mother had them for child support and doesn’t work. I’m sick of their bullshit cuz I was super nice to them first two years. Now I jus don’t try. I’ve tolerated a lot of under breath insults and have done nothing to deserve that. I’m worried when I have a baby they’re gonna be jelous. I don’t feel bad for them. They’re mother treats them like royalty and they just expect to be treated thsy way

Choccolatte · 07/12/2022 06:28

Oh I miss dss coming, he is abroad for a few years and would make the house so fu when he turned up. When he was younger I sometimes struggled but not post about 16. He is a great person though so would happily hang with him anytime.

alasangne · 07/12/2022 06:29

@Redrumredrum1 Stop answering their questions or give them ridiculous answers

Tirrrrred · 07/12/2022 06:41

If they were young children I'd feel sorry for them. 20+ I'd feel uncomfortable them being there for 4 nights a month.

Redrumredrum1 · 07/12/2022 06:44

Lol. They ask about my age. Weight. Shit like that. Their mom tried to film me recently. It’s sick.

Needtoseethatbiggerpicture · 07/12/2022 07:21

So you’re going to have a baby with a man who’s parenting you have no respect for? Why? If these children are so awful, why not leave? What makes you think things are going to improve?

You might find things get better if you grow up a bit, stop seeing everything I. Negative terms and attempt to build a relationship? And maybe remember that men have responsibility for contraception if they don’t want children?

Bigbadfish · 07/12/2022 10:18

Redrumredrum1 · 07/12/2022 06:18

Hey I got 2 stepkids. I can’t relax around them. One is fiercely loyal to his mother and asks me questions …then runs to share responses to his mom on comp. they’re very minipulative and rude. Husband doesn’t want to see it and lets them act like they’re 1/2 their age and trash the place. They’re 12 and 14. Any advice on dealing w this without going crazy. They come only weekends but being around them sucks. They’re competitive with me and try to cause me problems. One brings up his mom non stop and compares her to me constantly. Husband doesn’t FA. The other snoops through things and lies pathologically. They both have poor hygiene, eat w mouths hanging open and expect to be waited on. They’re mother had them for child support and doesn’t work. I’m sick of their bullshit cuz I was super nice to them first two years. Now I jus don’t try. I’ve tolerated a lot of under breath insults and have done nothing to deserve that. I’m worried when I have a baby they’re gonna be jelous. I don’t feel bad for them. They’re mother treats them like royalty and they just expect to be treated thsy way

If you have a baby with this man you're a fool and deserve the misery you would have created. You need to leave.

TheYummyPatler · 07/12/2022 11:06

Redrumredrum1 · 07/12/2022 06:18

Hey I got 2 stepkids. I can’t relax around them. One is fiercely loyal to his mother and asks me questions …then runs to share responses to his mom on comp. they’re very minipulative and rude. Husband doesn’t want to see it and lets them act like they’re 1/2 their age and trash the place. They’re 12 and 14. Any advice on dealing w this without going crazy. They come only weekends but being around them sucks. They’re competitive with me and try to cause me problems. One brings up his mom non stop and compares her to me constantly. Husband doesn’t FA. The other snoops through things and lies pathologically. They both have poor hygiene, eat w mouths hanging open and expect to be waited on. They’re mother had them for child support and doesn’t work. I’m sick of their bullshit cuz I was super nice to them first two years. Now I jus don’t try. I’ve tolerated a lot of under breath insults and have done nothing to deserve that. I’m worried when I have a baby they’re gonna be jelous. I don’t feel bad for them. They’re mother treats them like royalty and they just expect to be treated thsy way

You’d be best off starting your own thread about this.

But, as the others have said, you’d be foolish to even consider having a baby with this man.

His children are rude and disrespectful
to you and he does nothing. That is him being disrespectful to you. Any man
who allows his children to treat you with disdain is, by proxy, treating you with contempt.

It doesn’t actually matter what their mother is like. Your immediate problem is that your partner allows his children to behave this way. He’s not powerless.

It won’t improve. This is how life will be for you in this relationship. Is that what you want for your life? Is this man worth a lifetime of this? (And it is a lifetime; it can actually get worse once they’re adults).

Having a baby will never do anything but make this situation worse. Do not plan to have a baby with a man who has shown you that he is not on your side and is a bad parent. It will not end well.

Theskyisfallingdown · 07/12/2022 14:18

@Redrumredrum1 you’d knowingly be choosing to have a kid with a man who is proven to be a crap parent. Why would that be a good idea?