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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Can't sleep... the night before our holiday, what tricks will she pull?

68 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 30/07/2021 00:00

DP's ex always tries something when it comes to holiday time (both standard school holiday split and actual going away holidays). This will be our first holiday since pre-covid times. We are travelling in the UK to spend the week with DP's extended family, and have lots of lovely day trips planned. DSD hasn't seen them since Dec 19. She is 4.5 so will barely remember them.
I just know something is going to go down. Me and DP are just guessing at what she might try. Which is awful, isn't it? That we can't relax the night before our holiday... because his ex just wants to sabotage at every stage she can. She has mostly been scuppered in her schemes, but it shouldn't be like this!!!! Back to court in just over a week... for enforcement due to her breaches (multiple, including for extended periods). Surely she won't try something this close to court?! Sad

OP posts:
Notawriteryet · 30/07/2021 00:01

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 30/07/2021 00:04

Oh FFS Hmm.
No.

OP posts:
yoursfroobly · 30/07/2021 00:04

Why give it head space when there is no guarantee she will do anything??!
You are literally worrying about nothing at the moment.
If she does something then deal with it when it arises.

SprogletsMum · 30/07/2021 00:04

@Notawriteryet does it matter?

SuperCaliFragalistic · 30/07/2021 00:05

Chill out.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 30/07/2021 00:05

Experience tells me she will... my mind is just racing. It's hard to switch off when you have worries on your mind.

OP posts:
TooBigForMyBoots · 30/07/2021 00:08

Breathe @ThisMustBeMyDream. Then do whatever you have to to get to sleep. You cannot prevent or preempt her actions. All you can do is get as much sleep as possible so you are able for whatever tomorrow brings.Smile

Southwestrunningmum · 30/07/2021 00:10

Ahhh how stressful! Is DSD with you now? Otherwise the mum might say they got pinged by the app?

Do try to relax though!

anappleadaykeeps · 30/07/2021 00:12

Something Covid linked .... she has been pinged and so children also exposed?

SpindleWhorl · 30/07/2021 00:18

What's your Plan B? Say, if she rings to say they're isolating?l

Will you go anyway?

Ilikeknitting · 30/07/2021 00:22

Switch your phones off. Leave earlier than advertised. Ignore her until you get back.

As pp said, don’t give her headspace.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 30/07/2021 00:23

We haven't discussed what we will do. I suspect he won't come. It's his family we are visiting. I don't know what will happen. If he won't come, I can hardly turn up with my kids in tow. It would be really weird. Not that they would say anything, but that isn't the point!
I thought that maybe she would try the whole dsd has symptoms, gone for a test thing. To fuck plans over for a couple of days. But then it's her holiday on the day we return... so she may feel that would be too risky for her own holiday plans as we could just say fine, we will keep dsd the missed days at the end of the week and move our holiday plans (although we would lose money on what is already booked).

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 30/07/2021 00:25

She isn't here. She is collected at 10am.

OP posts:
crabbingbucket · 30/07/2021 01:26

This is a hypothetical problem. I've had to do so much work on not worrying about these as I have a tendency to catastrophise (all started in relation to my ex's ex wife who sounds the same as yours!)

You have to put it out of your mind. It's hard yes but there's literally nothing you can do until it happens.

I think we tell ourselves that by guessing the different outcomes we can plan for them but in reality she may not do anything, or do something totally different to what you expected.

It's a total waste of time.

Enjoy your holiday x

Tigertealeaves · 30/07/2021 08:21

@Notawriteryet

Were you the OW?
Sorry but this is awful. I'm appalled to see this knee jerk reaction where someone is asking for support. The first reply as well. "Must somehow be the step parent's fault... let's find a reason".

If ex chooses to breach a court order and scupper her own young child's holiday, it's her fault. People on here will excuse any kind of crap from the ex sometimes, as if she doesn't have to act like a grown adult just because she or her DC have their nose out of joint over something.

Shame.

Tigertealeaves · 30/07/2021 08:22

Anyway OP, hope it went OK.

clickychicky · 30/07/2021 08:37

@Notawriteryet

Were you the OW?
What a bizarre question in relation to OP's post!
clickychicky · 30/07/2021 08:38

Hope it goes ok OP. If something does go wrong just try and carry on regardless and don't let it ruin your break.

vivainsomnia · 30/07/2021 08:38

Good luck OP. There will come a time when the excitement of having time for herself to do what she wants will overtake her over-protectiveness. Hopefully that time has come.

tinydancer88 · 30/07/2021 08:45

@Notawriteryet

Were you the OW?
Absolutely charming first response.

Even if she was, would that justify effectively cancelling your child's holiday at the last minute with their father years down the line out of revenge?

clickychicky · 30/07/2021 08:46

Who does that to a 4 year old? You'd think she'd want her daughter to have as many experiences as possible.

drspouse · 30/07/2021 08:51

Good luck OP.

NotTheFunKindOfFeminist · 30/07/2021 09:05

@Notawriteryet

Were you the OW?
This is pure projection and has no place on a parenting forum.
Youseethethingis · 30/07/2021 09:16

First of all, I wouldn't be having my children's holiday dependent on the behaviour and decisions of some flakey bitch. No way.
See how it goes. I'd think about booking an air b and b next time so that if it all kicks off and DP doesn't come, you can still carry on with your plans without any in law awkwardness.
It would still be a bit rubbish but if it were me, my kids being protected from the flakey would take away quite a bit of my pre trip stress.
Hope all works out, kids don't deserve to have their parents dump their issues on them Flowers

Aimee1987 · 30/07/2021 09:29

Hope all goes well with the pick up / holiday OP. do let us know how it goes.