Can't sleep... the night before our holiday, what tricks will she pull?

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

DP's ex always tries something when it comes to holiday time (both standard school holiday split and actual going away holidays). This will be our first holiday since pre-covid times. We are travelling in the UK to spend the week with DP's extended family, and have lots of lovely day trips planned. DSD hasn't seen them since Dec 19. She is 4.5 so will barely remember them.
I just know something is going to go down. Me and DP are just guessing at what she might try. Which is awful, isn't it? That we can't relax the night before our holiday... because his ex just wants to sabotage at every stage she can. She has mostly been scuppered in her schemes, but it shouldn't be like this!!!! Back to court in just over a week... for enforcement due to her breaches (multiple, including for extended periods). Surely she won't try something this close to court?!

[quote KeepItConstructive]I have just started a thread in site stuff asking MN to ban "Were you the other woman?"

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/4310089-Can-we-ban-Were-you-the-other-woman-OP?watched=1[/quote]
You’re a legend! Well done!

Off to read it now.

Have a good holiday OP I’m glad it went well! We are off too at 6pm and I’m absolutely dreading pick up because this happens every time too. It’s very very hard not to over worry in situations like this so I completely relate!

And no I wasn’t the OW either

Although I agree it's not relevant here the "OW" question can explain some of the dynamic between the adults. It's still of course not fair to drag children into the equation or game playing but if you can possibly imagine a scenario where your DH left you for another woman who then set up home and started playing happy families with your kids you may also be able to imagine not wanting to facilitate this any more than you have to. I fully agree that playing games and the impact on the children is out of order whatever but on these threads we only ever see one side if it, and that is the side the OP wants us to see. The mum may have a very different take on it.

And here we are…

The mum may have a very different take on it.

Working tirelessly to make the SM the bad guy…

News flash: mum can be completely awful because they want to be no reason, just to inflict as much misery as they can.

Some. Not all.

Yet so many on mumsnet insist that there simply must be another side to the story.

I wasn’t the OW (DH’s wife left him about 3 years before I met him) but the ex still behaved as if I was …

This is my OH’s EW.

Every year we worry what stunt she will pull to punish the kids dad, with absolutely no thought for the damage it does to her own kids.

One year - she had agreed (in writing) that he could take the kids abroad with the grandparents to celebrate their grandmothers birthday. The night before the planned & paid for trip he phoned the kids (at 6pm) and they said they were really excited about the holiday & their cases were packed. At 11pm she sent an email to say ‘the holiday isn’t happening’. That was it.

My OH had a sleepless night and begged her to let the kids go. She didn’t respond. He went to the house at 6am (as planned) and they weren’t there (we now know she had taken them away to her parents).

I still remember sitting on a plane with him with 2 empty seats next to him with tears in his eyes.

He took her to court for breaching the contact order. She was told by the judge that if she were to repeat the behaviour he would ‘take the children off her and they would like with their father’. Social services got involved, nothing happened.

Some women are so emotionally damaged that they can’t see the damage they do to their own children. Years later, his now 15 YO daughter mentioned the trip ‘That’s the holiday mummy said you didn’t want to take us on’.

It’s so sad. I only hope one day the kids realise what she has done.

@NorthernSpirit that is heartbreaking to read. How can a mother do that to her own child?!

[quote clickychicky]@NorthernSpirit that is heartbreaking to read. How can a mother do that to her own child?![/quote]
Sadly some women hate their Exes more than they love their kids.

We had this and worse

Watching someone tear their own kid to pieces just for sport to hurt their dad is shit.

The only way is to not play the game. True, in this scenario nobody wins, but at least a child’s head isn’t totally fucked up, and then there’s hope things can be helped and healed when the terrorist has no more grip.

Also not the OW

The terrorist divorced him years before I met him.

I hate exes like this. My husband’s ex once tried to cancel the step kids passports literally right before our holiday, so they wouldn’t be able to go. Fortunately, the passport office smelt a rat and phoned DH (who had originally applied for the passports) and asked if he still had them as she’d said they were lost. He confirmed that they were in his possession and the passport office cancelled her application. There is now some sort of password on the account so that only DH can make changes to the kids passports until they turn 18.

We just couldn’t believe that she’d sink so low as to ruin her children’s holiday just to get back at DH. We also made it very clear that, had it worked, the children would have been dropped right back at her door for her to explain her actions and we would have gone abroad anyway.

My advice on this situation is to not let them know exactly plans. Say you are leaving early Monday so pick up the child, Sunday. And leave Sunday afternoon.

Some people do like to ruin things for their ex. More than they want their kids to be happy. It applies to both men and women. But for some reason, women are always given an excuse by many people. When it's men it's them continuing their abuse. When it's women it's because the new partner is probably an OW and has actually done something terrible just not sharing it.

My dp doesnt have biological kids. But brought up his step son from his marriage. From the age of 2 to 20. As soon as they split up she kept trying to sabotage the relationship between dp and his step son. Dps DSS sees him as his dad and dp sees him as his son. I met him a couple of years later and later met the son, at the sins request. All was fine until his ex wife turned up at my house and threatened to burn my house down with me and my kids in it. For trying to steal her son. We went for lunch with a 23 year old man and I was trying to steal him apparently. I ended up with the police involved. Dp and his son maintain contact but the son now hides it from his mother, because she threatens to never speak to her son again if he speaks to the man who is his father.

I hated when exh took the kids away, because I missed them. I never tried to stop it or make them feel bad or even hint I would be sad. I would give them some extra money. Get them things for the trip. Wave them off excitedly. Then cry after they left . On the first wedding anniversary after we split. Exh flew him our kids and a new women and her kids to a place, I had always wanted to go. But he said the kids were to young. I was gutted. But again, even years later the kids don't know. I did suspect he did it on purpose. But I just let it go. The kids had no clue it was our anniversary. Its not their fault. They loved the trip. That's what was important.

My advice on this situation is to not let them know exactly plans. Say you are leaving early Monday so pick up the child, Sunday. And leave Sunday afternoon.

We did this. Stepdc was supposed to be with dad for 3 weeks and the holiday was during that time.

Ex knew destination, dsc knew destination. Ex kept wanting to know exact dates, flights, airports and wanted information on house we’d rented.

Why? She’d not known the previous years details.. it was really weird at the time iirc. I suspect she was planning the passport ploy actually @BananaMilkshakeWithCream

So ex talked dsc into rejecting the holiday in a really bad and emphatic way. Dsc was utterly cruel and laughed at him when dad was upset at the things being said.

Iirc too actually the dates dsc supposed to come to dad changed on a ridiculously obvious lie too, so dsd was only coming the day before the holiday in the end.

How much effort it takes to deny your kids some quality time with their dad. It must be exhausting.

Oh and i still wasn’t the OW. Just in case anyone wondered 😂

@MzHz The only reason we can think was to cause us pain and money. She didn’t seem to realise that it would have cost the kids their holiday when we pointed out the holiday. Of all the stunts she’s pulled, this rates number one as the meanest and cruelest because it affects them just because she wanted to hurt DH.

*when we pointed this out

Never give them the exact details. If you are travelling on a Monday say you are travelling on the Saturday before.

Agreed @BananaMilkshakeWithCream it was all just to inflict pain.