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Step-parenting

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Original poster

ARRRGH! Teenage stepson just saw me naked!

60 replies

RedDwarfPosse · 21/06/2015 11:01

Cringe cringe cringe!!... someone uncoil me from this painful cringing!

I know it's just the human form before anyone jumps on my back calling me a prude etc etc... but he's 15 and currently at that delicate stage of life where he's discovering the attractions of the female form!

He's already been in trouble for coercing my MIL's neighbours daughter into letting him see & touch her with no knickers on.

And my OH had to subtly ask him to stop being so 'hands on' with me when went swimming (he constantly wanted to pick me up in the water throughout the entire duration of our visit to the pool every time we went swimming).

So I started making sure I was in no way 'revealing' at home when he comes to stay and always making sure the bathroom/bedroom doors are locked when I'm in there changing, because when he's not here we're quite relaxed about being (non-sexually) naked in the privacy of our home.

But today I forgot to lock the bloody bathroom door and he walked as I was starkers. And I didn't rush to hide because I thought it was my OH who I was expecting to jump straight in the shower after me...

I now think I'm gonna do myself an injury with all this painful cringing!!

OP posts:
Cornonthecob · 21/06/2015 11:10

Sorry but cringing with you OP, what was his reaction?

Petridish · 21/06/2015 11:11

Oops!

Tbh I don't like the sound of his behaviour towards women - whatever his age, that is v disturbing.

chippednailvarnish · 21/06/2015 11:15

At 15 he is far too old for the "currently at that delicate stage of life where he's discovering the attractions of the female form" excuse.
Stop being subtle and just bloody tell him to behave.

ImperialBlether · 21/06/2015 11:15

I'd be very concerned about his behaviour. Given what you've said, I wouldn't be convinced he didn't go into the room expecting to see you naked.

Wdigin2this · 21/06/2015 11:17

Yikes....am cringing in sympathy!!! This happened to me when a mate of my husband was staying with us, I was starkers in my bedroom with the door closed, and he brought me a coffee He just walked in without even knocking! I was so shocked, I just stood there! How stupid are some men!!!! Yes, I agree...your DSS seems to be a little over-enthusiastic in his exploration of the opposite sex!!!

RepeatAdNauseum · 21/06/2015 11:19

Yeah... 15 is far, far too old for that excuse.

How old is the neighbours daughter?

I'd be worried too. It's concerning behaviour.

SunnyBaudelaire · 21/06/2015 11:20

I agree with imperial, his behaviour is concerning surely? that stuff about the neighbour? He might well have walked in on purpose.
Never forget when I was about 13 and bro was 15, we founds nudie pics of our stepmother that our dad had taken! Cringefest! Luckily they were all quite 'tasteful' no beaver pics.

LadyOrangutan · 21/06/2015 11:44

Eh!!
"He's already been in trouble for coercing my MIL's neighbours daughter into letting him see & touch her with no knickers on. "

15 years old is old enough to know this is wrong. VERY wrong.

Add that to him being too hands on with you in the pool and you have deeper problems than him seeing you naked
He has no idea about boundaries and has no respect.

Original poster
RedDwarfPosse · 21/06/2015 11:48

He just said sorry, shut the bathroom door and waited at his bedroom door, which is directly next to the bathroom, and waited for me to emerge. I emerged with a towel wrapped around me and ran off to my bedroom while he casually watched me...

He is 15 but quite an immature 15.

The neighbours daughter is around the same age as him but very very immature and impressionable

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 21/06/2015 11:51

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PotteringAlong · 21/06/2015 11:53

At 15 he coerced another 15 year old into an unwanted sexual act? He's lucky he's not been arrested.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/06/2015 11:54

He doesn't sound remotely like a rapist Hmm

He sounds like a kid who's family need to talk gently to him about sex and respect.

Wdigin2this · 21/06/2015 11:55

Yes, I think you have a problem in the making here too! But, it's up to his Dad to sit him down and explain why some behaviour is not acceptable....I'm assuming he's had the talk with his DS by now? If not, perhaps now's the time!

SunnyBaudelaire · 21/06/2015 11:57

what is with that silly face people put on here Hmm?

to me, it sounds like that is the way he is heading.

he 'coerced' somebody into unwanted sexual behaviour, tried to cop a feel of his stepmother in the swimming pool, and after what for most people would be a really embarrassing moment, blatantly stands in his doorway staring at his towel clad stepmother?

Yes all perfectly usual laurie, he just needs a 'gentle' word.....sure.

cosmicglittergirl · 21/06/2015 11:59

So he tried the handle of a bathroom door that was occupied? Presumably he knew you were in there then 'casually' watched you walk by in your towel?
On top of the previous behaviour I would be very concerned by this. Your DP needs to have a strong word with and a frank discussion to where this sort of behaviour can lead is vital. He's plenty old enough to know this is unacceptable.

hotlikeme · 21/06/2015 11:59

I think DH needs a good talk with him about inappropriate behaviour towards you. If his bedroom is next to the bathroom it is more than likely he knew you were in there before he walked in. Being so hands on at the swimming pool is a bit of a red flag too, I think he needs to be told to back off in no uncertain terms.

noblegiraffe · 21/06/2015 12:19

What was said to him after he sexually assaulted your MIL's neighbour?

I agree that his behaviour is very concerning and needs some strong intervention before he crosses another line. Waiting for you outside the bathroom after that incident is not normal.

Original poster
RedDwarfPosse · 21/06/2015 12:39

Believe me the incident with the neighbours was not ignored... He was staying with my MIL at the time and was the one who caught them upstairs where they were meant to be watching dvds. She allowed it providing he kept the door open.

When MIL caught them (I have to say she wasnt 'forced' she had willingly dropped her knickers and let him, but we are under no illusion he was the instigator and manipulation was used to get her to do it) she took the neighbours daughter home and advised her parents and left them to talk to her. Then she brought DSS home to us where OH gave him a very frank discussion on sex, puberty and hormones that this incident could be perceived as an assault. And explained he can never do anything like this again.

OH then also told DSS's mum and advised she also speak with him.

But his mum didn't seem that bothered by it and has since allowed him to get involved in serious relationships with other girls and allows them to come over to their house when she's not in...

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 21/06/2015 12:49

But serious relationships are completely different from feeling up your step mother and walking in on her when she's in the bathroom.

BertieBotts · 21/06/2015 12:57

Waiting at his bedroom door for you to come out? Confused

TBH if I had walked in on an opposite sex parental figure naked at that age, I would have been mortified and would have closed the door saying "Sorry!!" and then hid for as long as possible. I definitely wouldn't be waiting and watching for them to come out and then "watched them casually". It would have been the most embarrassing thing in the world, I would have struggled to come out to eat dinner.

Perhaps that's a little overdramatic (but what teen isn't dramatic?) but I do think that a normal teenage reaction to seeing their stepmother naked is embarrassment, not coolness. I think that he waited on purpose, too.

Original poster
RedDwarfPosse · 21/06/2015 13:03

These relationships have become quite intense though, almost stalker-like, and then they dump him and he becomes very withdrawn.

He's had quite a dysfunctional upbringing with his mum - she fell pregnant when sje was just 16 by tricking my OH (she openly admitted she had been flushing her pill down the toilet because she wanted a baby), then dumped OH once she got the baby she wanted. Then since her and my OH split she has gone from one toxic relationship to another dragging DSS through it with her. Her bipolar dad, (DSS's grandad) who has lived with them for years, tends to be his main carer as his mum is always out. But his medication makes him sleep for hours, and he often refuses to take the medication which causes him to have frightening 'episodes'

A few years ago she decided she was going to go all 'punky' and started chopping her hair short, dying it rainbow colours, wearing punky clothes and having piercings & tattoos. She's also dragged him through this dyeing his hair funny colours and wearing 'goth' clothes which has led to bullying or being sent home from school for not adhering to the schools dress code policy.

He tells a lot of lies and creates seems to live in a 'fantasy world' imagining scenarios that we know aren't true but it's as though he believes his own lies...

We also still find him playing with his old baby toys and refuses to let us throw them out.

He's a very mixed up boy

OP posts:
Wdigin2this · 21/06/2015 13:03

Spot on Bertie!

SunnyBaudelaire · 21/06/2015 13:05

Perhaps his dad should have stepped in then.....?

Original poster
RedDwarfPosse · 21/06/2015 13:09

He's tried, but we live 2hrs away and since my OH tried to have a word with his mum for his behaviour and upbringing she got cagey, it led to a huge row and now DSS makes up excuses to not come to stay with us. We now only see him maybe once a month if we're lucky

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 21/06/2015 13:10

Poor kid. :( Sounds like he has a lot of challenges. I guess that makes it all the more important to keep the boundaries really clear with no ambiguity.