Help us come up with a bluffer's guide to the World Cup (please!)

[CatherineHMumsnet]

Knowledge is power, and as the start of the World Cup edges ever closer, we'd like to create a Mumsnet powerbase of phrases/facts to come out with whenever there's a match on. The kind that'll amply demonstrate our clear understanding of the game.

So who'll get the ball rolling

Remember that Germany have never won the World Cup, it was West Germany that have won it twice

Prepare yourself for a wealth of cheating amateur dramatics fouling players

It is unbelievable to watch. The English players do it the least, though

Latino blooded teams are pretty awful at it

Though the Germans have bad form

The Argentinians are the worst foulers

Spain are not going to go far, despite their lucky draw/easy ride.

Brazil will probably win

Argentina being managed by Maradonna is NOT a good thing for them

France have a shocking ly bad team

Mention Huddlestone as potential for the England squad

Random fact of the day: Any team can replace an injured player upto 24hours before the World Cup's opening match and this player does not have to be in the original 30 man squad.

So Argentina have the hand of God on their side, hmmmm.

Am amazed he is still alive

He is God in Argentina though..

I haven't read the whole thread but I do feel a little but icky at the thought that we have to pretend we care, like, know about football

I'm not stupid, I understand the offside rule

I just dont enjoy football and I'm not going to pretend I do

Nobody should have to pretend to like football trinity I agree with you. I hate cricket and would never pretend to like it even if we became the best team in the world, it is a boring, stupid game and I would rather peel my own eyes than watch it.

However, I am lucky enough to love, love, love football. I am so excited by it I can't even begin to explain it.

Ledley King is such an amazing player that he doesn't have to train (unfortunately his knee is so F*ed that if he did train, he would be too injured to play that weekend)
He has such a natural talent though that they would be silly not to take him.

Ballack (Germany's captain) is a casualty in the similar vein to Beckham, in that he won't be playing in the world cup due to injury.

I start maternity leave to coincide with the world cup - what timing! (Just a shme I can't enjoy a beer or two in the pub gardens alongside it

Sven Goran Errikson is managing Ivory Coast [useless fact]

New Zealaand are making their world cup debut (previously only one team from that part of the world could qualify, it changed to two this time round)

Odds of 33-1 on Ivory Coast - they look pretty good for the quarter-finals...

England v USA is in the Royal Bafokeng Stadium, try saying that aloud in front of the kids

If you see one of the runny-abouty-men running backwards, shout "get back in that space-time vortex and SCORE"

Practice here...

"Penalty Shootout Competition"

England need all the penalty practice they can get!!!

It's a great little game, go on give it a go!

My advice would be to just shut up! It's not compulsory to talk utter b*llocks at the television during a match. Just because your bloke does doesn't mean you need to match it.

If you are trying to impress anyone watching the footie, just keep quiet.

AND this is most important..

If you go to a pub to watch with a load of men and you see a woman there, do not talk to her. Do not assume she also doesn't have a clue what is going on, and on no account comment on how good looking that player is or that you are wearing new shoes.

It could be me and all I want to do is watch the football in peace

rant over..

Pray it doesn't go to penalties and hope that the camera pans often to David Beckham looking gorgeous in a suit.

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Nah David Beckham doesn't do anything for me, Joe Hart (one of our England goalies) is alot nicer looking.

Looks like we are cursed already with our England crocs going injured at last minute. Capello should have taken Adam Johnson and Walcott as they seem the only ones that are not injured but then what do I know, am only a Manchester City fan lol! :D

These are all brilliant - we've collected some of them together in our World Cup section www.mumsnet.com/sport/world-cup-2010