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Original poster

co-sleeping - what to cover DD with & other questions...

52 replies

LuluLulabelle · 28/04/2009 11:03

Ok, so it seems that I've become a part time co-sleeper. DD (13 weeks) has started waking every hour and a half to feed at night (she seems genuinely hungry most of the time so I am happy to go with this).

She sleeps well in her moses basket for the start of the night but after about 11pm I can be up out of bed feeding/settling her upto 5 or 6 times.

So, I've been putting her in bed with me after her longest stretch of sleep. Last night I lay on my side, curled around her and she sort on snuggled her head into my underarm (delightful, I know!). I fed her at 5-ish and she felt a bit sweaty (damp hair & back of neck).

I don't want her to overheat but at the same time, I was freezing trying to keep the duvet away from her. So this morning I have some questions I hope some of you can help with:

  • She sleeps in a 2.5 tog sleeping bag in her basket - is this too much for bed?
  • Should I move her further down the bed so that my arm isn't around her head?
  • How on earth do I stay warm but with easy access for BF? I'm usually a duvet-pulled-up-to-the-neck kind of sleeper.
  • Can I sleep in any other position than my side?
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Original poster
LuluLulabelle · 28/04/2009 14:07

oh dammit, we have a memoryfoam mattress and it seems thats a no-go for babies (suffocation & overheating mentioned on my google search).

Back to no sleep then.....

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livismum · 28/04/2009 14:50

Is there anyway you have a cot right next to the bed with the side down? I'm co-sleeping with my 5 wk old but luckily bed is right against wardrobe (no gap!) so she has her own little area i kind of push her back in to when she's fed, it truly is the only way to get decent sleep for me, i dont even know how much she feeds sometimes!

Got my fingers crossed for you, xx

Original poster
LuluLulabelle · 28/04/2009 16:54

Thanks livismum, we do have a co-sleep bednest but she didn't sleep well in it. But now that you've reminded me I'll give it another try I think. Its cheaper than plan B which is to buy a new mattress but I can't see DH being impressed!

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Original poster
LuluLulabelle · 28/04/2009 16:59

p.s I have a Livi too!

OP posts:
logrrl · 28/04/2009 20:43

I am keenly watching this thread..thought I'd cracked it with cot up next to the bed with the side off, but it's not worked out after all. DS and I both woke up freezing this morning after another night of totally unplanned co-sleeping (I gave in at the 5am, millionth feed)...

feralgirl · 28/04/2009 21:20

Oh, Lulululabelle, I'm sorry to hear the bednest thingy didn't work out; we talked about them a while ago.

DS has pretty much outgrown his and I have a really soft mattress too so am having pretty much exactly the same prob as you. Also DS flatly refuses to sleep on his back which makes me even more scared of having him on my mattress! He tends to spend half the night in his cot next to my bed and then I have him in the co-sleeper with me.

Will be keeping an eye to see if some experienced co-sleepers have some advice about what to do next...

feralgirl · 28/04/2009 21:23

BTW, I have him in a 1.5 tog bag which seems fine. I have a very light duvet which I wrap around myself and I sleep in PJs with long sleeves.

I think grobag should make bags for grown ups, with zips down the front for easy access for BFing!

spicemonster · 28/04/2009 21:26

I put my baby on top of the duvet so I'm snuggled underneath it, he's on top. He sleeps in his sleeping bag and I put his head/shoulders onto the sheet rather than the duvet. Well, I did, now he's 2, he tends to fling himself around the bed a bit more

No advice on the mattress issue though I only found one (slightly dubious) site that cautioned against it. I can't see why it would be that much of an issue. A baby is very light after all!

lou222 · 28/04/2009 21:27

i've co-slept for over 10 months and know what you mean about them sweating if they get really close.
The best thing you can do is wear lots of layers yourself. I was leaving the central heating on all night and have a groegg in the room telling me the temp so i knew the room wasn't too hot.
I would then sort of tuck the duvet inbetween my legs so i knew it couldn't go over him.
the only position you should sleep in is on your side a sort of c shape with your arm bent so you can't roll forward.
good luck with it all

pinkspottywellies · 28/04/2009 21:31

Ah. I was just about to ask this question re ds who sleeps fine during the night in his moses basket but isn't keen to go back in it after a 5(ish)am feed. Will read with interest!

spicemonster · 28/04/2009 21:34

I also found (and again I worry much less now my DS is so huge - he'd let me know if I squashed him!) that you don't really sleep when you have a very small baby sleeping with you. You sleep really, really lightly, alert to every groan and gurgle. I never touched my baby when he slept because I was worried about him overheating. Sometimes now though he sleeps all cuddled into me and it's lush

lou222 · 28/04/2009 21:35

yeah spice it is just so lovely having you baby there with you to just kiss and cuddle anytime you like!

spicemonster · 28/04/2009 21:37

It's slightly less nice when he wakes at 5.30, shouts 'wake UP mummy!' and hits me on the face though

Original poster
LuluLulabelle · 29/04/2009 09:39

Hey feralgirl! I thought exactly the same thing on Monday night, I'd like a grobag for me with easy access for BF. Perhaps I'll go on Dragon's Den....

Part of the problem with our bednest is that its plastic ("bed nest" so as DD moves in her sleep her zip/hands hit the plastic and wake us all!

I am resigned to buying a new mattress and putting out lovely, comfy foam one in the spare room. I am also considering one of these: "family bed"

DH's colleague has accused me of "throwing money at the problem" which perhaps I am but I am so so tired. DD fed last night at 11pm, 1am, 3am, 5am into bed with me (but on top of a crib mattress because I had memoryfoam panic!0 and then up at 6.30am. On top of it all I am ill today - sore throat, headache etc. His colleague leant us a DVD ("It's time to sleep") which seems to be a sleep training dvd. Oh, and told us to wean (DD is 13 weeks old!).

spicemonster, if you don't really sleep deeply with a little one next to you do you think co-sleeping might not help me in the long run?

Today is the first day I have considered giving up BF so that someone else can feed DD. I would be so upset if I did but I am exhausted.

Thanks everyone for posting, thought I was chatting to myself for a little while there

OP posts:
Original poster
LuluLulabelle · 29/04/2009 09:52

feralgirl, I'll obviously invite you to join me in my Dragon's pitch.

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spicemonster · 29/04/2009 11:17

Sorry, what I meant was that you are very unlikely to roll over in your sleep and squash her. Some people manage to feed lying down and barely wake. I have to say I've never managed to do it but there are babies who can feed without waking you if you are able to do it. Bliss!

I still think you might want to check out that memory foam thing - I could only find one website saying that it is unsuitable for co-sleeping and I wouldn't fork out for a new mattress unnecessarily. That crackly plastic sounds like a nightmare in the nest too - is there anything you can cover the plastic with?

That is massively frequent feeding at 13 weeks - you poor thing. I'm not surprised you feel rough today. It might be worth asking on the breastfeeding topic if anyone's got any tips to get her to feed longer and less frequently.

sasamaxx · 29/04/2009 11:25

Lulululabelle - do you have a lightweight quilt? You know - the ones like bedspreads which you put on top of blankets?

I have found the best method it to bring the main quilt to just below my waist and then the lightweight one on top and over both of us. As long as we both have pyjamas and are snuggled in to each other, we are warm enough. These kind of quilts do not have the overheating issues of continental quilts, and since you are right beside baby (and possibly with your arm around her), she is extremely unlikely to slip underneath.

If your arm is around her, I would feel fine lying on my back, and as she gets a little older, your front will be fine too. You are so in tune with them - you will wake up the second she moves.

I probably wouldn't use a grobag athough I have been known to use a strampelsack as this doesn't keep them as warm and doesn't cover them completely.

Hope that helped

sasamaxx · 29/04/2009 11:28

Sorry - just to clarify that by strampelsack, I mean this

sasamaxx · 29/04/2009 11:29

(and you can pull it off easily if the bed is warm enough)

phdlife · 29/04/2009 11:42

Lulululabelle, I used to wear a zip-up hoodie to bed (over pj's) to keep my upper body warm when cosleeping wtih ds.

dd more problematic - she is determined to sleep snuggled tight up against me - preferably smushed against my breast . She gets warm but I am far more worried about her suffocating on my boobs [sigh]

sweetnitanitro · 29/04/2009 11:42

I sleep in the buff so dd can help herself to a drink in the night but I am thinking about getting a shrug or something to cover my shoulders, that's the only part of me that gets cold. DD is 6 months and sleeps in a vest or romper suit (this is after experimenting with various combinations of sleepsuits, vests etc) and has a blanket covering her. I just sleep under a sheet, I get too hot otherwise. I either sleep on my side or my back and dd sleeps in the crook of my arm. She never feels sweaty or too hot and she sleeps really well now.

Also I have a memory foam mattress and I've not heard of them being more dangerous than normal mattresses I'm always careful about co-sleeping risks and don't drink, smoke or take drugs or any of that stuff. I've never thought dd was at risk really. I would have thought sprung mattress would be just as risky because the baby would end up rolling towards you all the time.

I feel for you about the frequent feeds, my daughter was like that to start with and is down to 3 feeds a night now hopefully she'll be sleeping through the night by the time she's about 25

Original poster
LuluLulabelle · 29/04/2009 11:54

thanks spice. I thought about cot bumpers tied around the holes but I think its a bit risky. TBH, she probably won't fit in it for much longer anyway - she's quite long.

I have posted about her feeding but its more of a plea for reassurance that it will get better than a request for help. I mentioned it to a bfc last week & she suggested co-sleeping rather than trying to change the way she feeds.

DD can't latch on in her sleep, she wakes herself up trying, cries and I have to turn the lamp on and help.

This is where I read about memoryfoam mattresses & babies (although I agree, I can't find much on it): www.babymattressesonline.co.uk/products/memory-foam-products.html

sasamaxx I like the look of the strampelsack, I've not come across them before. I'll give the bedspread idea a go when I have her in with me next.

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Original poster
LuluLulabelle · 29/04/2009 12:04

LOL@ phdlife & sweetnitanitro

Thats made me feel better about the memory foam sweetnitanitro, it seems I was over dressing her for bed with me then - a vest, sleepsuit & 2.5 tog grobag.

I can't say that I find the memory foam creates any dips or causes her to roll. Usually she cries before she goes to sleep and either DH or I cuddle her but last night she was in bed with me and just drifted off to sleep - no crying. It makes a difference.

OP posts:
sweetnitanitro · 29/04/2009 12:11

Lulabelle- my daughter took a while before she could latch on in the dark by herself, it took her some practice but she managed it at around 3 months iirc so you might be in luck soon. Have you got a nightlight you can use instead of having to turn the lamp on and blind yourself? I used to do that and it was better because neither of us fully woke up so we all went back to sleep a lot more easily.

Sarahfsid · 29/04/2009 13:23

Thought you might be interested in today's news from the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths, the cot death charity. They're highlighting the dangers in bedsharing and that to reduce the risk of cot death babies are safest sleeping in a cot in your room. See www.fsid.org.uk