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Original poster

MIL wants to co-sleep

70 replies

Yellowdiamond10 · 05/07/2023 21:13

Any advice is greatly appreciated. My ex partners mother wants to have our child over night, she has said she will cosleep with little one which I massively disagree with, I did for a while and I had such anxiety doing it and finally got little one sleeping in their own crib. My ex doesn't think there is any issue with it but I find it very strange considering that we don't do this anymore as we felt from a safety perspective, now he is older and moving around it's not as safe and also she is not his parent! Is there anything I can do other than voice my concerns? As we are not together he is saying I have no say on what he decides to do?

OP posts:
LiftyLift · 05/07/2023 21:14

Absolutely not. How old is the DC?

Original poster
Yellowdiamond10 · 05/07/2023 21:15

11 months!

OP posts:
TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 05/07/2023 21:15

I think that's really weird I'm afraid!

wutheringkites · 05/07/2023 21:16

How old is your child and what are her reasons for wanting to co-sleep?

It sounds unnecessary, inappropriate and potentially dangerous to me.

Mojitosaremyfavourite · 05/07/2023 21:16

No I wouldn’t like that either

RiseYpres · 05/07/2023 21:16

No.

grunttheterrible · 05/07/2023 21:17

It's probably safer cosleeping with an older baby than a newborn BUT it's your child and you make the rules so don't worry for a minute about laying down the law or insisting she sticks to it if she wants to have your baby overnight. And also the safe cosleeping guidelines say mother next to baby on an instinct basis x

TimeToMoveIt · 05/07/2023 21:17

No tell her it's not happening. Mine wanted me to cosleep with dgd so they didn't have to bother with the next to me cot but not a chance. I think your mil is odd

TappingTed · 05/07/2023 21:19

As a co sleeper myself and a grandma- even I think that’s odd. I would let my grandchild sleep however they are used to sleeping- not insist o coslept. I don’t think it’s much of a risk at 11 months tbh anyway- but it’s odd and likely to disrupt the poor wee one on their night and make them unsettled. It’s unnecessary… obviously if you were saying leave them to cry in the cot if they woke up and she was saying she’d rather bring them into bed with her and settle them- I’d say you were unreasonable. But if she won’t follow their routine and let them sleep where they’re comfortable and settled then she is being unreasonable.

wutheringkites · 05/07/2023 21:21

This absolutely smacks of her wanting to play at being mummy again for the night.

Original poster
Yellowdiamond10 · 05/07/2023 21:21

Her reasons are it hurts her back to bend over the travel cot! My question is I don't have any control over what my ex does in his time with little one but wanted to know is there any way of enforcing this so it doesn't happen? The whole thing is making me incredibly anxious and upset!

OP posts:
Melonsoup · 05/07/2023 21:23

i wouldn’t be happy with it either but if I was MIL I would never dream of suggesting it. The problem is she can easily say she won’t and then do it anyway and you’ll have no way of knowing 🤦🏼‍♀️

wutheringkites · 05/07/2023 21:23

Have either of you asked her to have him overnight or is this for her benefit?

If her health doesn't allow her to care for him safely and appropriately then she shouldn't be looking after him.

Original poster
Yellowdiamond10 · 05/07/2023 21:24

Tapping ted - she sleeps absolutely fine and even if she wakes unsettled some nights even I don't bring him into bed with me, reason being if he wakes and crawls and falls out of bed etc I would never forgive myself! She sleeps at my parents and they never bring him into bed with them.

OP posts:
saraclara · 05/07/2023 21:24

I'm not sure when my DGD started sleeping over at my house. Maybe a little later? 18 months at most. But I co-slept with her. She'd never settled in the travel cot for naps, so it made sense to let her sleep in the spare bed (a double) with me. It seemed the obvious thing to me and my DD. I can't remember which of us suggested it, but there was no real discussion because we were both in accord.

I don't get the "inappropriate" bit. I remember sleeping in my grandma's bed with her as a small child.

I only stopped sharing her bed when she approached three (and I wanted to be back in my own bed rather than waking every time she whimpered). Now she wants to come into MY bed!

roarrfeckingroar · 05/07/2023 21:26

NOPE
NOPE
NOPE

I co-sleep/slept with both of mine. Their father had too on occasion. Anyone else, hard no:

wutheringkites · 05/07/2023 21:28

@saraclara

I think it is inappropriate for a grandparent to ask for an overnight stay and tell the parents they intend to co-sleep with no discussion.

My son regularly climbs into my MIL's bed when we stay, but he does that of his own accord.

Nofreshstarthere22 · 05/07/2023 21:29

Hard no

Original poster
Yellowdiamond10 · 05/07/2023 21:29

Withering kites - once and this is when we found out about the co-sleeping and it hasn't happened again since. She has suggested it and I have been saying no. Her last comment was oh it's only for one night.

Sara Clara - never said it was inappropriate, I don't agree with it from a safety perspective now little one is older and is able to move around and crawl etc. He doesn't sleep with us now due to this and when he stays at my parents doesn't there either as they respect my wishes!

OP posts:
BrambIeberry · 05/07/2023 21:29

I'm a big fan of cosleeping, but ONLY for the mother of the children.

Original poster
Yellowdiamond10 · 05/07/2023 21:31

What I'm asking is is there anything I can do to enforce this (legally) or have I just got to voice my wishes again maybe more bluntly and hope that they respect that?

OP posts:
blahblahx · 05/07/2023 21:31

Fuck no

saraclara · 05/07/2023 21:33

Sara Clara - never said it was inappropriate

It was @wutheringkites that said that.

wutheringkites · 05/07/2023 21:34

Yellowdiamond10 · 05/07/2023 21:31

What I'm asking is is there anything I can do to enforce this (legally) or have I just got to voice my wishes again maybe more bluntly and hope that they respect that?

I'm no expert on this but I think all you can do is make your point firmly and hope they respect your wishes.

Theunamedcat · 05/07/2023 21:35

Sorry, is this when your ex is having his child overnight? Why is she doing the night wakings not him?