MIL wants to co-sleep

[Yellowdiamond10]

Any advice is greatly appreciated. My ex partners mother wants to have our child over night, she has said she will cosleep with little one which I massively disagree with, I did for a while and I had such anxiety doing it and finally got little one sleeping in their own crib. My ex doesn't think there is any issue with it but I find it very strange considering that we don't do this anymore as we felt from a safety perspective, now he is older and moving around it's not as safe and also she is not his parent! Is there anything I can do other than voice my concerns? As we are not together he is saying I have no say on what he decides to do?

I think it's fine. As for falling out of bed... 11 months old? Is the baby crawling, cruising round furniture...? I think the risk is minimal. I think the bad back reason is a fair one tbh, but then I'm 54 and stiffer than I used to be. I hated travel cots.

That's meant to reassure you. I also think children can cope with having different routines at different places.

Ultimately it's not my baby or your MIL's, its yours. But I don't think you'd be doing anything abnormal to let this go ahead.

My neighbour tried this with her GC. Child didn’t settle all night and kept her awake. I don’t think children also want to sleep with someone if they aren’t used to it.

@PermanentTemporary the point I'm trying to get across is I no longer co sleep with my child as I don't feel comfortable doing that, yes they might be crawling, cruising etc but if they fall from height and hit their head off something then that could potentially harm my child! If we don't do something as parents as we have agreed it's unsafe then why is it acceptable for someone other than parents to do it? He sleeps absolutely fine in his cot at home and travel cot when he's at my parents waking once, maybe twice but settles pretty much straight away and puts himself back to sleep so from my perspective I don't see the issue for one night if you are the one wanting to spend that time with your grandchild

Christ I thought she wanted to sleep with you. Time for me to sleep.

Hell no

No that’s weird

No that’s weird. Different maybe if the child won’t sleep unless cosleeping and you’d asked her to do it (still a bit weird and I wouldn’t leave a baby who couldn’t sleep with anyone unless emergency)
Also different for older child who chooses to go into granny’s bed if they wake up in the night.
But in your situation: just weird

NO effing way.

I think it's very important she respects your feelings and your child is safe. However for some balance, my DD generally coslept with me as an older baby/toddler so when at Grandma's overnight she would sleep with grandma in a double bed. I don't think there is anything wrong/that unusual about a grandmother sharing a bed with a grandchild (perhaps this is a cultural thing). Obviously this is when its what everyone expects and is happy with.

I've just read that your DC normally settles in a cot fine - I'd expect grandma to do whatever the normal routine is. Think I was just a bit taken a back by all the shocked "no effing way" type replies.

Would there be a partner in the bed too or just MIL? Not sure I would be keen. Not sure there is much you can do if it is on your ex's time, but if he doesn't have him overnight at all at the moment I guess you could just say no overnights away from you, but he could challenge that

I did co-sleep but our bed was very low. It is quite common for children to break their collar bone falling off a sofa or a bed so it also depends how wrighly he is .

Yes, really. Time after time on MN we see GPs and other relatives wanting "alone time", including sleepovers, against the wishes of the baby's mum. I don't see any reason why anyone should be demanding time with the baby without the parents being there, unless it's something the parents actually want.

Jesus! No effing way!

I think there are two issues here really. The routine you have for your child that should be respected, insisting to do something different is a little rude. But her back problems are valid, and travel cots are tricky for having to bend down so low. Not as much of an issue with a small baby but an older baby will be big and heavy enough to make it hard. Can they not get a proper cot for her for the grandparents house? Or set up a floor bed?

Second is the safety. The statistics on this suggest that cosleeping with the right setup is really no bigger risk than baby sleeping on their own sleep surface for babies older than 3 months. I know you feel it's unsafe, but in reality it isn't. Hopefully that helps a little? I'm not saying you need to allow it, but if they do it anyway against your wishes I hope you can feel assured that it's not actually a huge risk. Just make sure they know to follow the safe sleep 7 and remove extra bedding and suffocation hazards from the bed.

Are you really asking if the husband will be sharing a bed with his own mum and daughter?

😳

@ShirleyPhallus

I think she means the MIL's partner.

I thought she was asking if MIL partner will be in the bed as well. I don't think there is anything wrong with that question. It's about hiw much room there is, and hiw safe it is.

My MIL co sleeps with her GD when she sleep over and has done since she was 6 months old. baby’s mother is obviously okay with it. She’s yet to have my DD over for a sleepover but I think it will be exactly the same. It’s completely the parents decision though. If you do not want her to co sleep tell her that your baby either sleeps in a cot or they don’t sleep over at all. What about getting a second hand cot for your MIL? I find travel cots so low that it hurts my back to pick my daughter up out of and I’m in my 20s 😂Least then she can’t say her back hurts from bending down. Might be an easy solution to the problem. Even a space saver cot you can pick up cheap and I got a mattress from Asda for the cot for £20

Aside from it being odd, if I had painstakingly gone to the effort of getting my baby to sleep in their own bed, I would be mortified if someone risked undoing that teaching and creating a situation where my baby wouldn't settle in their own bed. I think it's a no brainer that she should respect that.

I don't know what you can do about it though if your ex facilitates it.

My mum shared a bed with my dd from newborn - 9.

She always slept in my bed with me. She had a bed at both houses so when she was older she could have stopped it but didn't.