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Original poster

Can't do this anymore

62 replies

seaswim33 · 02/11/2021 19:04

I have a 5 week old who just doesn't sleep wel day or night. I barely sleep at as even when she is asleep I'm too anxious to sleep. She has horrible gas at night and sometimes wakes up and is awake upset for hours. She takes ages to settle to sleep unless I feed her to sleep or use a sling and don't stop moving. I'm unable to look after her independently so I feel a failure. I'm at breaking point, any advice? Heath visitor is concerned and suggested I get some drugs to relax and give her to someone for a
day but will need to pump and have someone do that.... Just can't even think properly right now...

OP posts:
Bobojangles · 02/11/2021 19:08

Read about the 4th trimester - it's normal for them to only fed to sleep or sleep in a sling

Just fed her to sleep, it's and totally normal. In fed both my boys to sleep until they where 2. Both sleep independently now

I'd also do some reading on safe co-sleeping, I coslept with no 2 and 3 and it was a wholey different experience to no 1 (like you I was just barely surviving on barely any sleep with him)

Bobojangles · 02/11/2021 19:10

And go easy on yourself X

rrhuth · 02/11/2021 19:13

This is all normal except for you being too anxious to sleep.

There is also no mention of your partner here at all - surely he should be walking her around in the sling whilst you sleep?

You need to be taking turns with your partner.

rrhuth · 02/11/2021 19:14

Also feeding to sleep is fine.

Preg19 · 02/11/2021 19:20

Bless you it will get better, as pp said read about 4th trimester. Also what’s worrying you about feeding to sleep? It’s totally normal I’m still feeding my 8mo to sleep x

Original poster
seaswim33 · 02/11/2021 19:31

Prob with feed to sleep is that she wakes up sooner and I don't wind her so it makes her more gassy which is a really bad issue right now....

OP posts:
Original poster
seaswim33 · 02/11/2021 19:32

GP thinks I had pnd, I'm not eating properly and have lost loads of weight. I'm skin and bones ..

OP posts:
rrhuth · 02/11/2021 19:33

Where is your partner in all this?

Original poster
seaswim33 · 02/11/2021 19:34

He is helping as much as poss when not working. He does a shift with her after I feed and I go and sleep elsewhere but I don't sleep!

OP posts:
Kuachui · 02/11/2021 19:37

i had one that was awful to put to sleep i tried wverything and in the end did everything on this list.

1.Bottle fed instead
2.Got a vibrating egg swing
3.Constant white noise machine
4.Used anti gas / reflux medicine

  1. swaddle in the swing
6.recorded my voice shush and hushing and played it conatantly when baby asleep
  1. made sure temperature in room/ baby was perfect for sleep
  2. remained as calm as possible to not wind baby up.

but your anxiousness.. Not sure how to help that.

rrhuth · 02/11/2021 19:38

You need to address your lack of sleep rather than worrying about the baby right now IMO, because your baby is eating and growing by the sounds of things.

Why can you not sleep and what can be done to fix that.

spaceghetto · 02/11/2021 19:39

I found the first few weeks really tough. I got through it by feeding ds to sleep and then just reading a book on my kindle. He would only nap in the sling too. The sleep did improve as he got older. I hope you manage to get some rest.

Original poster
seaswim33 · 02/11/2021 20:04

Baby doesn't sleep enough and has awful gas which makes her very uncomfortable but yes she is growing well. Not sure about eating, she is ebf but I wonder if there are issues which make her so upset ...

OP posts:
Original poster
seaswim33 · 02/11/2021 20:05

@Kuachui does she stay in the swing to sleep or just to settle?

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Kuachui · 02/11/2021 20:52

@seaswim33 shes 2 now but both, if she was settled then id just leave her to sleep to save my mind

FATEdestiny · 02/11/2021 21:23

@seaswim33

GP thinks I had pnd, I'm not eating properly and have lost loads of weight. I'm skin and bones ..
What did your GP suggest for the PND.

There are breastfeeding friendly anti anxiety medications you can take. They may make a huge, huge difference in your ability to cope.

Teaandcakeordeath83 · 02/11/2021 21:55

Baby might be gassy if you have a fast let down. Does she sometimes seem overwhelmed with milk flow? Reclined, koala position or lying down feeding can help massively with gassy babies when there's a fast milk flow, so can feeding in a sling. She'll also be smack bang in a growth spurt/ development leap so sleep tends to go at the same time. To address baby first I would strongly suggest you look at co-sleeping and breastfeeding lying down positions. Much easier to both get some sleep that way as baby can just help herself/ roll away without having the stress of the dreaded put down/ oh great now they're immediately awake again drama. If you follow the safe sleep 7 whilst co-sleeping then it is safe to co-sleep. I've hopefully managed to put some links in...

Feeding positions:
www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/feeding/early-days/breastfeeding-positions-which-are-best-for-you

Safe sleep 7:
www.laleche.org.uk/safe-sleep-the-breastfed-baby/

With regards to your anxiety/ inability to sleep. How is your mood? Are you eating and drinking enough? Is your partner or any family around to be able to give you some time in the day/ night? Do you think you'd benefit from anti-D's or do you think there is something else going on- I know with all three of mine when my sleep goes because they're not sleeping then my mental health drops off a cliff. I wanted to murder people who told me to sleep when baby slept because I thought I should be busy doing the neverending housework/ washing/ stupidly pointless baby classes etc. If you can- sleep when the baby sleeps, especially in the daytime when the little buggers seem to sleep better. Even if you're not sleeping when they are in the day- make sure you're relaxing. Don't be using naps as a time to be busy- unless that helps you. Have a look at the wonder weeks app which I found incredibly useful to understand why my kids were behaving the way they were and also look up growth spurts. You'll quickly see a link in behaviour/sleep etc.

Take care of yourself op. The fourth trimester is a whirlwind of emotions and the lack of sleep can be utterly crippling. It will pass. Xxx

Teaandcakeordeath83 · 02/11/2021 21:56

www.laleche.org.uk/safe-sleep-the-breastfed-baby/

Teaandcakeordeath83 · 02/11/2021 21:56

Sorry! Links didn't appear to work...

Teaandcakeordeath83 · 02/11/2021 21:58

Forgot to say. You are not a failure. Xxx

dippywhentired · 02/11/2021 22:05

I sympathize so much! My 3rd baby was a total nightmare and I also had dreadful anxiety when he was finally asleep because I was fired up on adrenaline just waiting for him to start screaming again! What saved my sanity was my husband settling him after his bedtime feed. I would then go and lie down in the room furthest away from the baby with ear plugs in at about 8pm. My husband was responsible for dealing with any waking/screaming until 2 or 3am, when I'd take over so he could get some unbroken sleep too. The fact that I knew that if he woke and screamed, I wasn't responsible for him, meant that the anxiety was eased and I started sleeping. Getting those few hours of unbroken sleep made me able to cope so much better. And it passed and he's now 7 and sleeps very well!

Original poster
seaswim33 · 03/11/2021 09:32

Another bad night. Only so much a body can take. She wouldn't sleep unless attached to me last night. Been trying co sleeping and lying down feeding for some time but last night that didn't even really work. Her gas is just so bad. Can't sleep in the day as she doesn't settle by herself in a cot and I can't sleep anyway. Have a phone call with my go today.

OP posts:
Original poster
seaswim33 · 03/11/2021 09:35

@dippywhentired how does that work? Do you use bottles? We tried that and the first night it kind of worked then last night she wouldn't settle for him so I had to be with her all night while he slept separately.

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Greyeverywhere · 03/11/2021 09:42

Have you tried eliminating all dairy from your diet?
I had to do this with my second as she had gas when I had dairy but was fine when I switched to oat milk. I mean I missed cheese like crazy but it was worth it!