Mums who used to BF baby to sleep.

[Reesie]

My lo is 9months old and I have BF her to sleep. She has been a terrible sleeper from birth (hourly wakings from birth to 3 months then 11/2 to 2 hours until 6 months). I have tried lots of things to try and get her to sleep but have failed miserably. I nearly ended up going mad with it all.

In the end I decided to not to worry about it anymore as I couldn't seem to change things. So, I just relaxed and BF her to sleep each night and often let her stay in our bed. Lo and behold a few days after I made that decision she started to sleep up to 8 hour stretches!!!! I have been co-sleeping with her the last few nights and despite my stiff shoulder and back in the morning - am starting to enjoy it.

However, a close friends and family have told me that I must be mad to do this as she'll never learn to sleep on her own or settle herself to sleep. I've been told that by the time she's about 2 - I'll have lots of sleep issue problems.

I'm going back to work in 6 weeks and my job can be quite demanding and stressful. I'm dreading having to go back without having any sleep the night before...

Is anybody out there who has said b***ks to routines and self settling techniques - what happened to you lo's sleep a months and years down the line?

I've always bf-ed my four to sleep as long as they need it and co slept (usually 'til about the 12 month mark) and they all put themselves to sleep brilliantly now.

Ignore your friend and trust your instincts. Also, it's lovely to have them in bed with you.

It's the old making-a-rod-for-your-own-back myth which comes up so often.

i bf-ed and co slept with both of mine and we have no problems at bedtime now (5&3). I loved sleeping with mine it felt so right.

Yes . Its true, by the time she is 2 if you suddenly decide you want her to NOW start conform to routines and self settling techniques you will have lots of sleep issues. But if you committ yourself to saying bollocks to routines and self settling then that does not stop in 2 years time, you will have a happy loving relationship with your child. But its a BIG decision you need to make now as you cannot change your mind later and expect your dd to understand.

My dd is soon to be five, and the beginning of your op could have been me writing it. She slept in our bed, breastfed frequently throughout the night until she was two. Then we gave her her own bed (a matress on the floor in her bedroom) and we would lay with her until she fell asleep. If she woke in the night (which she often did) she would climb in with us until morning. Once she turned 3 she was old enough to understand that we now wanted her to stay in her own bed, and after lots of work, and few tears we found that she now loved her bed and even when she does wake in the night, she rarely wants to get in our bed. She mostly sleeps 12 hrs a night now only ever waking to do a wee and then goes straight back off no probs.

On the flip side i have dd2 10mths old, who adores her cot and takes herself to sleep really well and never wakes in the night! I think this is a combination of me making more effort toget her used to her cot at an early age and also being second child, i couldn't run to have every squeak and cry so she learnt to self settle quickly.

There are no right or wrongs. It really is down to your life choices. If i have another baby like dd1 i would happily co-sleep again. Anything for a good nights sleep in my eyes!

I aimed for something of a middle ground. I was pretty disciplined about the routine aspect, but just couldn't bring myself to leave either child to cry for long & so never managed to get any of the settling schemes to work. I did, however, try to resist co-sleeping routinely as I felt that could be more difficult to crack (but often ended up co-sleeping for a couple of hours a night).

ds chose to stop bf at 11 months, when he got an ear infection. He refused to continue, even though I kept trying after he was better. He miraculously started sleeping briliantly. Don't know whether it was the bf or perhaps discipline from nursery routines & the increased independence.

dd is still bf at 17 months. She decided to cooperate with sleep at 13 months. Before that she was a real pain over sleeping. I think starting nursery at 12 months helped her to learn to settle herself, or maybe she just reached 'that age'.

So, from my experience nursery really helped with settling, plus perhaps some sort of point was reached at a year old when both kids were happier to go back to sleep if they woke up in their cots. I think I also did the right thing by trying to gently impose a routine so that when they were ready to cooperate I didn't have additional hurdles to deal with. Good luck!

I bf dd to sleep for a long time. She was a terrible sleeper as well, and now is a brillaint sleeper. What I really like is that she likes going to bed; there are never any arguments about it (although, of course, this might have happened anyway). I still lie down with her until she falls asleep, but that is because it is a part of the day I really enjoy (and I only have one dc, so it is easy to do it like this). We chat about the day and cuddle, and then she falls asleep. Lovely.

Don't worry - just do what works for you and your baby; you can always change things later and none of it is forever.

I BF my DD to sleep and when she woke I would BF her again to get her asleep again.
I did sort of co sleep with a bedside cot but DH is a very heavy spreadeagled sleeper so when she was big enough to wriggle off around the bed I moved her into a cot but still BF every time she woke. If she was particualrly grumpy I would go into the spare room and co sleep in there. Once she hit about 10 or 11 months she just didn't wake for it as often and now she sleeps through.
Just don't tell them what you are doing and they can't comment!

I BF until she was 13 months during the day.

I did have to settle her by going in and out of her room and shushing once I stopped BFing (she stopped after I got pregnant) and was gutted I couldnt' BF her to sleep anymore!

I always bf my baby to sleep, nothing else worked. I also used to have her in bed with me until she was 14 months old, when I got despairing as she was still waking up almost every hour for snacks.

Did have a few difficult nights when I decided to stop all night feeding, and spent a few hours awake with her, rocking ger etc to get her back off to sleep - not keen at all on letting her cry etc.

Anyway, finally put her in the cot, expecting tears, but I fed her til she was dozy, and once I put her in the cot, she just rolled over and slept for 12 hours. She's now 19 months old and still breatsfeed, but she sleeps brilliantly.

So good luck, it can work out without any long term problems

Oh! What fab replies! My instincts are ok then!!! Please keep positive replies coming in (or negative ones too - am happy to have a balanced view!!!)

x

My dd1 was always BF to sleep until it stopped working at about 15 months (we also co-slept for at least part of the night until she was about 18 months). We then substituted some other things for the BF and gradually got her to sleep by herself. We had to do a bit of sitting in with her until she went to sleep but by 18 months she was sleeping through the night (despite apparently not having learnt to self-settle).

Ds learned with some help to settle himself when he was about 3 years old

he is a good sleeper now

it didn't sit right with me leaving him to cry himself to sleep - what a miserable experience that is

I bf mine to sleep and co-slept for a couple of years with each of them. They are 4 and 5 now and go to bed on their own brilliantly.

Loads of people told me I was 'making a rod for my own back' and it was, quite frankly, bollocks. I wish I had had more confidence about it at the time.

I look back on that time of bf to sleep, when mine were around 12 months or so, and even miss it a bit...

Us too. Never used self settling and older two sleep fine, ds2 is 8 months and still feeding.

My DS has recently (last few weeks) that he doesn't want to fall asleep while BFing. Now I can't get him to settle for anything and its driving him and me round the bend!!! Not really anything to do with the OP but wondered if any one had any ideas for me???[tired]

ooh Reesie, just read your post and think it's brilliant. Balls to routines. People are so quick to point out what they think you're doing wrong. Personally I think if it works for you it can't be wrong. I wish my DD fed to sleep but she stopped falling asleep at the breast months ago. Co-sleeping saved my sanity. My mum had told me to do it months before I actually started, I wish I'd listened to her. You're doing a great job. I'm back at work and you just get by. In fact I find it easier because at home I could mope and feel sorry for myself if really tired, sleep deprivation is all consumming at home. Now i have something else to focus on.

ds1 i tried lots of times to cc cos that's what everyone said you were supposed to do. he is now v insecure about sleep and still comes in my bed at night often

ds2 i bf to sleep til 14 months, co slept til about 9 months, he thenn started sleeping thro in his cot, when he stopped bf, he was rocked to sleep then just settled himself. he is now 4 and a brilliant sleeper, stays in his own bed beautifully, goes to sleep by himself etc

so follow your own instincts!

ds - bf to sleep for his first (sorry) 2 years (I worked too, nominally FT but with variable hours and often from home).

Around his 2nd birthday, started bf very briefly after goodnight story/lullaby, then asking to 'go to bed'. I put him in his bed awake (more or less sleepy), he cuddles up, occasionally calls for me once or twice, but usually drops off by himself. These days he mostly doesn't even want a bf (he will come and have a quick bf in the morning or during the day).

I bf my dd to sleep and often co-slept ( we all got plenty of sleep) until she was nearly 3. She then said one day "I don't need milky any more" and proceeded to sleep on her own without the slightest difficulty. Follow your instincts, idnore the doommongers. And remember, if you're going back to work, bf is a wondeful way of maintaining your bond.

Haven't read the rest of the thread yet but thought I'd tell you our experiences:

DD1 - tried teaching her to self-settle at 5m old by cc for about 2 minutes, couldn't bear it so tried patting her to sleep for a few nights. She started having night terrors. Read the no cry sleep solution and then decided to just go with the flow. She fed to sleep until she weaned from the breast (joint effort) at about 2 3/4 years old when she went to sleep just cuddled up. She still goes to sleep cuddled up (now 4) but has been sleeping all night long quite happily since she weaned. We have an 8ft bed which we all share :-)

DD2 (now 2.5) - has gone through phases of finding bfing keeps her awake and needing to be rocked/carried in a sling/read to sleep but at the moment feeds to sleep. It's the fastest way to do it so suits us fine :-) She still feeds at night but only for a few seconds and I'm used to waking frequently so it doesn't make me tired any more.

DD3 (now 9m) - feeds to sleep in my arms while we watch tv; or in a sling on DH while he washes up if I'm the one getting DD1 off to sleep. Still waking at night for feeds but it doesn't bother me at all being so used to it.

We (dh and I) love bedsharing and love going with the flow and have no problem with them waking because it's not really disruptive to our sleep. The natural age for children to sleep all night long is 3/4 years old, according to many anthropological studies on cultures that respond to their children's needs. It's an important evolutionary thing for them to wake frequently to check that their parents are still there and haven't been eaten by a sabre-toothed tigre or wooly mammoth.

Just wanted to add re. rod for own back...you know it's about what you feel is important for you and your family. If you like cuddling up to your lo, if it's fun, if she enjoys it, if it makes life easier then there's no reason whatsoever to try and make it end. Cuddling up to my babies all night is just lovely and I'm so thankful that I was given the confidence to follow our instincts way back when by some other wonderful mothers.

DS was BF to sleep until he was 13 months or so (I stopped bf before his nap and at night) and still had a bedtime bf until he was 19 months. I never co-slept but ha d a bed in his room for night feeds which I pften used rather than go back to bed.

He did have to learn to settle himslef at night, but it was fairly easy, just a few shhhh & pat type visits for a few weeks, and occasional problems with early waking (problems for me, I mean!) when clocks have changed etc.

I think he had just reached the age of being ready to sleep through and from then on has slept solid 11-12 hour nights almost without exception (he's 3.5 now).

I notice a lot of people who have fed to sleep / co-slept recognize a change in sleeping patterns at aorund 12 months.

Anyway, hope you have been persuaded to go with the flow

Oh! Thanks for all the great replies. I'm determined not to get stressed anymore about sleep (as I have don FAR too much of that already). I have been co-sleeping the last few nights but she has now reverted back to her 2 hourly feeds.

I'm usually a firm believer in a natural approach. Cave Mum didn't have all these complicated sleep strategies. I'm sure if she did controlled crying all the sabre-toothed tigers and wolly mamoths would have pricked their ears up and headed their way for a midnight feast!!!

I must admit though that I am starting to find co-sleeping a bit uncomfortable now. I obviously gave birth to a flailing octupus not a human baby. She's taking all the room up in the middle of the kingsize bed and dh and I are teetering on the edges.

It's interesting that most people find a change at about the 12 month mark - I'll happily keep going until then. Did you co-sleepers find that your babies slept all night next to you or wake frequently to comfort feed?