Mums who used to BF baby to sleep.

[Reesie]

My lo is 9months old and I have BF her to sleep. She has been a terrible sleeper from birth (hourly wakings from birth to 3 months then 11/2 to 2 hours until 6 months). I have tried lots of things to try and get her to sleep but have failed miserably. I nearly ended up going mad with it all.

In the end I decided to not to worry about it anymore as I couldn't seem to change things. So, I just relaxed and BF her to sleep each night and often let her stay in our bed. Lo and behold a few days after I made that decision she started to sleep up to 8 hour stretches!!!! I have been co-sleeping with her the last few nights and despite my stiff shoulder and back in the morning - am starting to enjoy it.

However, a close friends and family have told me that I must be mad to do this as she'll never learn to sleep on her own or settle herself to sleep. I've been told that by the time she's about 2 - I'll have lots of sleep issue problems.

I'm going back to work in 6 weeks and my job can be quite demanding and stressful. I'm dreading having to go back without having any sleep the night before...

Is anybody out there who has said b***ks to routines and self settling techniques - what happened to you lo's sleep a months and years down the line?

Mine woke occasionally in the night and I always fed them back to sleep. It worked fine for us - althoug I have to admit that I was MIGHTILY relieved when dd decided to stop. The last few months I was starting to find it a bit irritating - and according to dp, she and I used to "bicker in our sleep" sometimes! But she stopped of her own accord before I was irritated enough to do anything about it. The added bonus we found was that dp, who was working very long hours and didn't see much of dd got lots of sleepy cuddles in the night, and it was very good for their relationship. Ds was in his own bed much earlier - his choice. He gave up breast feeding and co sleeping (apart from coming in every now and then) of his own acccord at about 13 months, but he's a very independent soul and it suits him. I was a bit sad though!

Reesie, my dd doesn't feed in the night anymore but still wakes frequently. On a good night maybe once but that's very infrequent. We have co-slept every night since she was about 5 months and she's never slept through. She reaches out and touches to make sure i'm still there. I wake very frequently though because of her movements.

Would a bed rail help? Then you could put her on the outside and sleep next to your DH.

gingerninja - we seem to have very similar babies... the last few night I thought I'd try not to BF to see if she would settle without. If you snuggle into her when she wakes - she just gives a little sigh and then goes back to sleep ...bless! Although - that doesn't happen everytime she wakes up...sometimes she wants to bang my head or her favourate sticking her fingers up my nostrils!

I can't sleep in the middle of the bed - I feel claustrophobic!!!! I'll have two wriggly bodies on either side and I'll be stiff as a board in the middle!

Gosh, pre-child I was able to sleep for Britain and usually did. Anyway - I did read some research today that too much sleep is actually quite bad for you...so I suppose lo is doing me a favour!

Incidently, did anyone see the documentary on channel 4 last night regarding raising your baby. They looked at strict routines (looked a bit like child emotional abuse to me... they left a newborn baby cry for 2 1/2 hours!!!!!!), laid back no routine and then attachment parenting. I must admit that it shocked me and I'm now even more keen not to follow any strict routine type of parenting approach and stick to my bs to routine approach!

that's the spirit. We have to fight against these routine makers and live our topsy turvy but lovely and cuddly lives. I really do believe that I and every other co-sleeper will not regret sleeping with our babies but if you'd never done it. Ahh, what a warm and snuggly treat you've missed.

BF my 3 to sleep and co-clept. BF DS2 to sleep until he was 2. Do I have sleep issues? Yes I do, but not because I BF or co-slept, but because when they are 2 or 3 or 4 years old children often play up at bedtime regardless of having been bf to sleep while they were 6 months or not.

I just could not share my bed! I dont know how you all can enjoy cosleeping, i hated it. I dont even like dh to sleep in my bed. Sounds a bit harsh, but after a busy hard long day i want time to be untouched, and able to move how and when i want. To be relaxed as much is at all humanly possible.

I did use to enjoy sleeping with dd2 as a baby, but that only ever happened by accident (which was worrying me cos i nearly smothered her once in my sleep) so can kinda see what you mean.

My sister continued co sleeping with her dd2. She continued to be a right pain in the arse at bedtime until she was 8! She ended up being allowed to fall asleep downstairs in the front room cuddling mum for so long that it was impossible to change her until she decided to by herself 8yrs later.

What about any sex life or intimate time with dh/dp? What does he feel (if there is one of course) about sharing you and his bed with dd?

My advice would be break the cycle now it will be easier the sooner you do it. Once they can talk and demand verbally its far harder imo/e. Think very carefully.

I BF my 6-month-old DD to sleep (although we don't co-sleep) and this thread is reassuring. I'd been thinking maybe I should try alternative ways, but if your experiences have been mainly good, then I'm not worried.

I prefer co-sleeping, (especially when I went back to work), better waking up several times without having to get out of bed then once to get to another room. I offften don't quite remember what has happened during the night following morning...

My dc do not play up at bedtime. Sometimes they whinge a little on the way up the stairs but thats all. I never have long drawn out bedtimes of children coming out of their rooms for this and that and everything else they can think of. Once my 2 are in bed they do not come out again unless they need the toilet or are sick. Even when they went from cot to bed, no problemo, would wake in the morning and not even realise it was an option to get out of bed until i went in to get them. I was the envy of a few of my friends who spent endless hours rocking and feeding etc etc with their los.

Just thought it worthy if a post, as i do not believe its the way to go. But that was just me, i dont like to share my bed space, full stop. I certainly couldnt cope with a toddler slapping me in the face at 5am!

And also, dd1 turned out to be a bedwetter until she was 5. If i had coslept with her she would of been out of nappies by 2ish and wetting all over me. (leaving her in nappies was not appropriate as she needed to be woken by the event in order to learn from it).

What if you want a night out? You are tying yourself to a life of night ins. Not that i have many nights out, but i dont stress about leaving mine with a babaysitter for an occassional meal or cinema outing.

Just points to consider, what you decide is up to you of course.

Oh! A negative post!.. I was wondering when I'd get one

Haychee - my mindset is to be chhhhhiiiilllllllleeeedddd about it all..... We've been sleeping with our babies for millions of years - most cultures still do.

I know that you have to have a wriggly child in bed with you which can be distubing but the alternative for me is to be parading back and forth to her room in the night. I've done it - and I was even more knackered that ever! This is the only way that I'm having any rest.

I know your sister had problems - so did my sister in law in fact too - her ds is still in bed with her at the age of 7. My poor brother has given up and is in ds's room in the single bed surrounded by wrestling and rocky balboa posters Although - he says he's very happy with the arrangement as like you he likes a bed to himself . However, I'm encouraged by the other posters who's dc are having just the usual sleep problems that children have later on.

As for a sex life...well. I have heard of some parents managing to do with their babies in the room. I'm not in that group, I was never even able to do it if the cat was in the room. I'm sure the cat was looking. We just do it in other parts of the house (although I am always tired at the mo...) Gone are the days when my knickers would be off as soon as he came in through the front door of an evening...

I do put lo into her own bed in the evening - she wouldn't be safe rolling around on our double bed - she would be on the floor in a crumpled heap in seconds. It's just when she wakes up - I pop her into bed with me.

I BFd my 16 mth old to sleep until a few months ago. She now happily has her bath, a story with daddy and a cup of milk and then goes to bed (awake) and drops off fine. We never had even 5 minutes of leaving her to cry. We just followed her signals.

I would say the things that made it easy for us were:

1. Towards the end of BFing, dd stopped going to sleep on the breast and would have a nice big feed and then be put down awake. It was a good stepping stone.

2. DD is a thumb sucker and has a huge attachment to a particular blanket, meaning that even though she is alone in her bed she still has something she loves with her, and still suckles to sleep.

3. DD has always been rather fond of sleeping in her cot (!) - don't know why, I was all for co-sleeping and baby wearing but ever since she was tiny she's been quite happy to have a nice flat uncluttered snooze.

So, having just read what I've written, I think we were just lucky really. I do believe that not forcing any of the issues must have made her relaxed about it though. Maybe.

/waffle

I agree, putting them down awake to fall asleep by themselves is a marvellous thing. I think this is where my sister went wrong really. She has now some marital problems, and i do not.
I think dh and dws should be together alone undisturbed for long periods just to keep the relationship alive. I know about the other rooms in the house, but there is also just snuggling and being close. My best chats with my dh are always in bed in the dark.

Thanks haychee for your info - when I had my lo I thought I would have a routine and that having a baby couldn't be that much hard work - could it?(hysterical laughing emoticon). My lo is absolutely fab but just a nightmare sleeper. I got sooooooo stressed with it - walked for miles and miles with her in the pram and she still wouldn't sleep. I did give myself a lovely pelvic floor prolapse with all the walking I did though....

I tried giving cooled boiled water at night, controlled crying (wince - absolutely awful - never, never again - I was desperate - hadn't slept more than 3-4 hours per night for about 2 months....), strict naps, lots of fresh air, etc etc etc etc. Nothing worked. Both my lo and I are much happier with this arrangement (I don't know why I just didn't do it earlier).

I just wanted to check that I wasn't going to cause more sleep problems by just stopping being stressed and trying to change things. The sleep thing was an issue but I was making it into a bigger issue. I nearly went mad with the lack of sleep...

Also, I have come to the conclusion that you baby is what he/she is. My little one isn't a crap sleeper because I have done anything wrong. She is just a crap sleeper and i have to cope with that.

I suppose your right. You will of course do what you feel happiest with, as i did.

Do you have just one lo so far btw?

Just one. I hope the next will be a better sleeper. I work with babies and found getting babies to sleep was very easy - what were other people doing?. It's bloody typical.

I hope you get your lo sleeping well by herself by the time you have another one. Honestly, the best advice is to get them to learn to go to sleep by themselves wherever possible as soon as possible. How on earth will you manage 2? If the eldest is still in with you?
You poor thing you must be exhausted with her. A friend of mine has 2dds, the eldest just does not sleep, and never has. She appears not to need much and thrives on very little. I cant imagine how you and her mother cope. I seriously need my sleep. When i go to bed and sleep all night, i get out of bed and my bedsheets are undisturbed. I sleep like a log, although lightly with regards to noise disturbance. I just dont move at all, my bed is made before i get up!

I was v v lucky with my dd. She started to fall asleep on her own at 4.5 months but prior to that I breastfed her to sleep everytime day or night.

Didn't co-sleep and got hung up on "having" to get her down on her own cos of bad advice from freinds and books. Tried lots of techniques to no avail. She did it on her own in the end. Dozed off in my arms one day when we were watching friends! (not feeding just relaxing).

The rod for your own back thing is bollox. All kids reach this developmental stage eventually. Fir ne next one I'll be a LOT more chilled. Will ignore all the crap prob co-sleep and use a sling a lot of the time. Thses books and "experts" that tell you you're doing it all wrong are the cause of a lot of post natal anxiety in new mums. Enjoy the co-sleeping good luck!

Just thought id add, incase you were thinking about the bonding issue and how i must be awful for not allowing this close time with me and los. I cuddle my girls all day until they cant stand it anymore, i want to squeeze them so tight. I love em to bits and they know it.
Im just saying i know i couldnt handle it, and am happy with my choice.

'How on earth will you manage 2? If the eldest is still in with you?'

I co-slept with 2 (20 month age gap), you can do it if that's what you want to do!

Of course, anybody is capable of doing pretty much anything, if they want to do it. I chose not to, and havnt regretted it, not one little bit. It is mostly a choice unless you have lo like Reesie. I didnt have one like that so im lucky i guess, the choice was totally mine. My dc got used to the idea very quickly, possibly because i sleep well myself and they have inherited that or maybe it was because of what i did and when i did it. Its the good old nature nurture debate. I beleive it was both nature and some nurture.

"And also, dd1 turned out to be a bedwetter until she was 5. If i had coslept with her she would of been out of nappies by 2ish and wetting all over me. (leaving her in nappies was not appropriate as she needed to be woken by the event in order to learn from it)."

Haychee, your DD wasn't ready to be dry at night - it's not about "learning" from the event! Did she refuse point-blank to wear nappies at night at 2?

Need to add that I co-sleep with ds2 8 and a half months old in spare room so he he won't fall out of bed and dh inour room and no marital probs. Feeding ds2 so excuse tyos one handed.

Dd 5.7 and co-slept with her and ds1 3.11. No probsand no marriage probs. None werw put down awake. Oldert two sleep all night just fine now.

Agree with Hunker

I bf all of mine to sleep and co-slept with 2 younger (couldnt with dd1 as antidepressant i was on made me too sleepy).

They are now 7, 5, 3 and all sleep from 7.30 - 7.

Just enjoy it.