Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Stopping feeding to sleep - cold turkey or other props

30 replies

Natalie77 · 11/08/2014 11:51

Got to stop bf to sleep. It's so bad now I can't put my boob away, she searches for it and wakes up if I don't get it in her mouth within a few mins (20 at most) and won't take her fingers or mine as a substitute.

Tried pu/pd for one horrid day, and pantleys gradual withdrawal. We're just not at a place where I can get straight to goal (put down, sleep on her own) without a lot of crying, and she's only 3 months.

How did you guys break it? I'm thinking of walking her to sleep. I know shell cry but at leart I'l be with her, and I know it's just another crutch, but maybe not as strong and easier to get to cot in a few months? She won't take a paci either...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mrsmugoo · 11/08/2014 13:39

Have you tried a dummy?

Rachel153 · 11/08/2014 13:55

Watching with interest coz my 5mo is a nightmare. I have thought for ages that she wakes coz she's hungry as she doesn't seem to feed v often during the day but I'm having second thoughts now. Am sure she's using boob in night to settle because she never 'feeds' for long enough to fill her tummy.

Umbrellasandladders · 11/08/2014 14:50

Hi,

I worried about this too when my DD was that age. She's now 11 months. I think 3 months is too young to stop feeding to sleep, she's tiny. I would address it again at 6 months. When my DD was 8 months I did some gentle sleep training and she's (slowly) learnt to settle herself.

Still working on it for night wakings!

Original poster

Natalie77 · 12/08/2014 15:42

Thanks for the support! No, a dummy won't do either. I have basically no life except sitting with no top on and a boob in her mouth! Cannot carry on like this but can't bear to have her cry. :(

OP posts:

ElephantsNeverForgive · 12/08/2014 15:48

Why do you have no life?

Sitting on the sofa snuggling up to DD2 feeding her to sleep is the most beautiful, life affirming thing I've ever done.

Although I do confess it's infinitely less boring if you ensure you have a disc full of interesting TV to watch with subtitles while your doing it.

shinynewname · 12/08/2014 15:51

That's the thing in your OP - she is only 3 months. She is tiny. It might seem like a long time to you so far, but I think you are hoping/expecting too much.

It is a bit of a cliche on here, but have you a sling or carrier?

I didn't have one for my first child, but did for my second. It made such a difference to have hands free to have lunch/put washing on/whatever!

I would put him in after a feed and he would sleep fine in there. :)

It is a bit relelntless with a tiny baby, I don't think anyone really expects it!

shinynewname · 12/08/2014 15:52

Also what Elephants just said. I missed the excuse to sit and watch many dvds with my second!

Try to enjoy it sometimes if you can. :)

hollie84 · 12/08/2014 15:54

I'd persevere with a dummy - try a different type maybe, mine preferred the cherry ones over the orthodontic type. I used to feed DS1 to sleep lying on the bed and then slip my nipple out one side of his mouth while sliding the dummy in the other!

I'd try rocking her to sleep instead and then gradually try putting her down a little more awake each time - continue patting/shushing her in the cot once you've put her down. If she protests just pick her up and rock a bit more. If you want a no-cry approach then it takes longer but is still doable.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 12/08/2014 15:57

Honestly she'll only need you like that for a few more months, once she's eatting a decent amount of solids the feeding continually gradually fades away.

At 7months DD2 would happily eat yoghurt and drink juice (she never took a bottle and spat out formula) and let DH put her to bed. I'd escape to the swimming pool, it was bliss.

Seriously you stop having to think of BFing as a chore and worrying about your top being up, who cares, who's watching. Forget the mechanics, just sit back and snuggle.

There are several stupid soppy poems about house work can wait, babies can't, they are as naff as hell and 100% correct.

AnythingNotEverything · 12/08/2014 15:57

I agree with PPs that she too young to worry about this. In just a month she may be showing signs of doing this more herself which you can take advantage of.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 12/08/2014 16:01

Hollie Why the fuck would anyone spend 30 minutes hush patting a baby in a darkened room, when you can spend 30 minutes giggling quietly at the Simpson's and snuggling your bay to sleep.

It's stressful, pointless and mad.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 12/08/2014 16:02

Baby

hollie84 · 12/08/2014 16:04

Please do whatever you want to with your baby Elephants :)

ChatEnOeuf · 12/08/2014 18:04

I loved feeding my DD to sleep. She stopped thinking it was cool at about 11m, around the time she realised it was easier to gulp EBM out of a cup. I couldn't tolerate hearing her cry either, you have my sympathy. If it doesn't feel right to you, I wouldn't do it. Instead, teach her to fall asleep while feeding with the TV on - work on the boob withdrawal when she's a bit older.

MrsHY1 · 12/08/2014 19:22

It's all very well to trot out 'enjoy it while it lasts' 'put your feet up and watch the telly' 'she's only tiny' platitudes but the OP has indicated that she's not comfortable with it and wants it to stop. OP I don't know your circumstances but from the sound of your message you're finding it stressful? Is DD waking several times a night and needing your boob to go back to sleep again? I had a DD like this. I ended up seriously sleep deprived with mastitis in one boob and at my wits end. I totally hear what you say about not leaving her to cry but there are gentler methods and they are at your disposal now or months later should/when you decide you'd like things to change.

shinynewname · 12/08/2014 19:58

I think we were trying to indicate that her 'goal' of having the baby not feed to sleep and just be put down was not terribly realistic at 3 months.

So an element of trying to relax, or try a sling or something might help with feeling stressed about having 'no life' :)

Waking frequently and needing bf to sleep is normal tiny baby behaviour. It's hard though!

hollie84 · 12/08/2014 20:03

I'm not sure why not feeding to sleep isn't realistic?

shinynewname · 12/08/2014 20:10

Maybe some tiny babies don't feed to sleep, but I've not known many that don't prefer to?

Just seems normal baby behaviour to me.

hollie84 · 12/08/2014 20:11

Many may prefer to, but if it isn't working for the mother then there's no harm in changing things.

shinynewname · 12/08/2014 20:12

Seems like harder work to make the tiny baby change I guess.

hollie84 · 12/08/2014 20:13

If what you are doing works well for you, then definitely keep on doing it. But don't assume everyone's experiences are the same.

MrsHY1 · 12/08/2014 20:51

What hollie said. My DD actually went full circle at about 8 weeks old and wouldn't feed to sleep, but didn't know how to sleep on her own either. It was hideous to see her caught between a rock and a hard place! I don't think it's unrealistic for small babies to be settled to sleep without feeding. I can only comment on my (limited) experience with an NCT group and three very close friends, but after 6 weeks old only one LO (mine) still fed to sleep.

Original poster

Natalie77 · 13/08/2014 04:47

Yes it's lovely to look down and see her little face, but I cannot get away. It's 430 now, and I cannot detach her from my boob, she's been sleeping an hour this wake up,for example, but every 15 mins or less after she lets go, it's squirm squirm lunge and back on. I don't want to be sitting here thinking 'just get off me', but I am which makes me feel horribly guilty and just awful. I have to get her to sleep 4 Times or more each waking. Likewise on mental health front I say no life because I can't really leave house; stroller and car both become mini cry it out sessions as they make her sleepy but, oops, no boob, so heart rending screams for half an hour, I do it for essentials but can't put her through that just to get some air. Public places are out, I've bf many times out, but it's one thing to feed and another to sit there for an hour with your boob out while she naps. It is possible to go to other people's houses, journey hell notwithstanding, but all I can do is sit there once she gets tired, and her awake times are short, although it gives a change of scene... She also wakes as soon as car/stroller stops moving, so even after 30 mins screaming, maybe just 5 mins sleep. I just can no longer find it a beautiful thing, much as I'd like to, which again, guilt.

Apparently reading that I needed to get that off my chest, as I cannot get HER off my chest!

OP posts:

amouseinawindmill · 13/08/2014 05:32

Don't feel guilty. The antsy "get off me" feeling used to affect me too (DS now 5yrs so thankfully well past this phase!).
I can see both sides here. On the one hand, you are feeling trapped and resentful at being used as a sleep prop. It is not always magical and dreamy to feed to sleep. Sometimes it is plain boring, relentless, exhausting and frustrating. If it is too much to bear, make a plan with your partner. Maybe initially one nap or evening every other day, you go out of the house and let him experiment with different ways to settle her. Presumably he is slightly less at wit's end than you and may be able to do it more calmly. For what it's worth, at around 4 months when I had a flip out with the whole boob situation, I did this. I went for a nap outside in the car, or a walk, while DH walked up and down the stairs repeatedly while holding DS. For some reason he managed to get him to sleep and put him down, giving me the time it took for DS to drop off plus up to two hours of blissful peace from being touched.

On the other hand; 3 months is classic growth spurt time and it may help to read the Wonder Weeks to understand what is going on for your baby. It was uncannily accurate in its timings for the sleep and feeding craziness for my DS.

In the end I found the hatred of feeding to sleep came and went. As they start to need fewer naps, you escape a bit. Persevere with the buggy though. Mine needed to be pushed over rough gravely ground to stop crying and go to sleep. Took me a while to figure that one out.

Personally I would steer clear of active cry it out techniques at 3 months, but would be more comfortable with a baby crying in the arms of someone who is not me, if I was well out of earshot.

Original poster

Natalie77 · 13/08/2014 06:55

Thanks. I won't cry it out, she's too young, I know, but I can't go on for another 3 like this! I don't want to feel resentful, and I want to give her my time when she's awake, not when she's asleep.

So I want to explore gentler methods (she doesn't like the sling either; I wonder if I left using that too late. She might come to like it, I guess, I know most do.) I was hoping a mumsnetter might have some advise on transition; walking her, rocking her, holding on lap, anything not cry it out, pu/pd or gradual withdrawal?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2