Could someone nice please give me some advice on 11wo's sleep that doesn't involve the phrases 'stop cosleeping', 'express' and 'wean early'?

[BellaBearisWideAwake]

Hi DS2 is doing really well. A typical night involves a longish sleep from 9 o'clock till maybe 2am, although a few times till 4am. He is EBF and we cosleep, and although he has a bedside cot, he is actually cuddled up to my side. When I don't do this he hasn't slept more than 3 or 4 hours.

After that, sleep is a disaster: he feeds and sleeps in bursts of not more than 90 mins, mostly less, much less. I think he is full of windy as he is so wriggley. He is then up for the day at about 6ish. Which means I am not really sleeping past 4ish. Luckily DH is getting up with DS1 if he wakes or wakes early.

I went to the weigh clinic today and accidentally ended up crying at the HV, as I am so tired. She suggested, PND (No. HAd it horribly with DS1. I know today I was just tired and weepy when given attention. It is categorically NOT PND), giving him a bottle (I am not expressing. I hate hate hate expressing, and anyway, I am fine with feeding my baby myself), leaving him in his cot (he sleeps much worse when not next to me, and therefore I do also) and "in five weeks time, you could wean him!" . So not really in tune with my parenting style.

However, DS1 had reflux and was one of the WOrld's WOrst Sleepers, so I am not that sympathetic to myself as it is so so so much better this time round.

But I am still exhausted.

Any advice for improving sleep between 2am and 6am?

Are you winding him after the 2am feed??

Yes after every feed

Does he have a dummy?

Dd2 was similar this time of night. Sleep was v patchy and light between 3 and 6 and she quite often would not go back to sleep after feeding her around 6. It was knackering! Sorry that doesn't help you much, but you have my sympathy as i know how horrible i felt at the time. I just tried to go to bed as early as I could, really. It did get better with time.

do you have good blinds/curtains? i had to get extra blinds installed whe dd2 was tiny as our bedroom got so light so early in the summer, and i was finding it incredibly hard to get any sleep after 4 ish. They did help a bit.

Do you get up/sit up to feed him? I would get my boob out as soon as DS2 started wriggling, and that would send him straight back to sleep... Funnily enough, he didn't need winding at night, and any attempt by me to wind him just woke him up.

No dummy

Room could be darker

Sit/slouch on bed

I would try either giving him a dummy, or feeding lying down and letting the baby suckle while you doze. It's not perfect sleep but at least you can sleep a little between 2-6am.

you could try feeding him lying down and not bother winding? that's what i ended up doing with dd2-that way at the end of the feed if she was asleep i didn't have to disturb her at all

11weeks is TINY. My ds is 19weeks and sleeps worse than yours I think - we cosleep and feed through night, no idea how often, it's all a blur. I have days of unbelievable exhaustion and days where I sorta feel ok. I was very very low at around 3mths tbh - think the novelty wears off and you realise you are just bloody shattered. Feeling better (with some antidepressents tbh) now.

You have to do whatever it takes to 'get through' so go to bed early, chill out in front of cbeebies with ds1. You are allowed to say 'oh MY GOSH I AM SO FREAKIN KNACKERED' without wanting to do anything to 'fix it' (even if you could...). I do totally understand!

(Especially cos ds2 has a cold now and so was up all damn night feeding then crying... but it could have been worse I know...) Tbh I am of the just roll with it persuasion as there always seems to be SOMETHING (teething/debvelopment/colds/weather/bla bla) that affects their sleep.

Hugs. Go and have some chocolate and remember this is not forever.

Yes I know it could be much much worse and it will get better. Think I'm just having a low day and annoyed with crying in front of hv. Also having hideous constipation problems making me feel low as well. Gah!! All the fun. It's lucky my sons are so damn gorgeous

Yes I am in bed at 8.30 waiting for the baby to drop off so I can!!

If I don't wind him it's worse. I do seem to make very windy babies.

Learn to sleep regardless of whether he has dropped off or not. If you go to bed at 8.30, sleep by 9, that gives you 7 hours of sleep before 4.00 a.m. and after that you can just snooze and relax. I'm presuming that you are feeding lying down?

When it gets bad, remember no mother ever wished she'd cuddled her baby less often, snuggle down, enjoy, relax.

This isn't meant to NE a stealth reveal I promise I am just tired and forgetful but when we coslleep I get ok length of sleep but not good quality I keep waking a sleep really lightly but when we don't cosleep I get not very much at all

Tbh quite happy with just get on with it sort of advice

*be not NE

Ds def got better after 14 weeks or so - not so windy. And yes the er... bowel stuff got better too (went from crying on the loo to 'oh it's fine). Hang in there!

It's ok to be sad and have a low day though. Go with it, don't try and snap out of it (is my advice).

Anyone you can get to look after him for an hour or so between feeds in the day so you can get a nap in? If you have the money I would pay if possible. And make sure you sleep whenever you can at the cost of housework etc.

Have you tried inforcol before every feed?

just get on with it then

sorry, it's rubbish feeling worn out the whole time, i do feel for you as i was in exactly the same place myself

go easy on yourself

adair is right, the windiness should ease up soon and that will help.

Do you just let him feed lying beside you, sort of in a doze, with no getting up and down? Our 3 all slept with us and fed on and off through the night; don't let anyone tell you this is bad if it's what you want. It was great for us!! Is it possible that something you are eating is making him windy?

He sounds like my dd3. She has co-slept with us from 12 weeks and she won't sleep unless with me either.
Some days I was knackered and so weepy and cranky. It is normal to feel like that, your hv probably thought you wanted advice not just a shoulder to cry on.
DD3 is now 10m and we still co-sleep, we have bad nights but on a whole we both sleep well and she only wakes now once or twice.

Stick with it but remember you need sleep and if you need a nap let dp have the kids for an hour or so

I BF my DS1 "on demand" and we co slept for the first 4 months.

I found that whilst feeding him, both of us lying down, was lovely, and he'd doze off quickly, we had a problem with him being wriggly and restless.

I learned that BURPING was essential, a baby who is not burped properly can end up with a lot air in his tum, which makes him feel "full" when he isn't. So he doesn't feed as well as he could. making him uncomfortable and also hungry again much sooner than I'd like!

So I ended up feeding him, then sitting up with him, burping him twice, then top up feed, then burp again.

if I'd skip the burping, he was very uncomfortable and wriggly.

I also think that at 11 weeks old the best you can hope for is 6 hours in one go.