Exciting announcement - Mumsnet to run NHS maternity wards

[JustineMumsnet]

We're thrilled to announce that Mumsnet is going to be leading the NHS trial to outsource maternity wards - see the full announcement here. Over the next few weeks we'll be popping up regularly for feedback on how you'd like maternity wards to operate and to hone our plans. The aim is simple - to make the UK maternity wards the envy of the world. Move over Bounty, it's time for #MNHS!

Baby catchers could work?

Scrap the vetting. Not sure any of us would pass.

Wow, Babylis Big Hair stylers are enough to convince me to start planning for baby #3!

Coaching for new grannies, so they don't end up featured in AIBU.

I would expect that all name choices would have to be approved via the AIBU board? Pedants' Corner might also like to weigh in on matters such as 'Jane is not spelt Geaynnn and you look like an idiot'.

I would set Amsterdam-style coffee shops where the waiting relatives or just general visitors to the hospital could sample the gas and air - for a suitable fee, of course.

I just knew there was something missing from my NHS water-birth when I had dd - 15 years ago today - where was the gin bar?

They obviously need you MNHQ to provide that real insight into what we really want

If only

Yes! you can submit your choice of baby name and be given a forecast income and educational attainment by Katie Hopkins.

Are fruit shoots going to be provided for newborns in the delivery room? That and some naice ham would be good.

You'll be needing me to head this I think.

I have no intention of ever (ever ever ever) managing anything in the current NHS but this will be right up my street.

Staff meetings held monthly in the gin bar.

Hooray!!!

I'd vote for you AtYourCervix!

Can hospital stays be up to 10 days with full use of the spar, gin bar and pool facilities?

I really think we should rename them 'midpartners'!

And they shoukd all know how to knit!

Single roms.

Double beds.

Proper continuity of care.

Insurance for Independent midwives.

Doctors that give proper balanced information and respect and support your choices.

Free study days and training for staff.

Antenatal education sessions.

Postnatal visits as often as women want and need them for 28 days.

A referral system to other agencies that is quick and efficient.

Vending machines that sell lucozade, flapjacks and those nifty little cans of G&T

You just got the job AtYourCervix

Cervix you have my vote!

And a climate-controlled woodland greenhouse for those who want to give birth in a treehouse!!!

We might need to ask Gwenneth Paltrow to help us come up with a suitably nauseating alternative to midwives. She strikes me as the woman for the job.

What a good idea! I'm so excited that I'm ttc DC3 as I type!

Wait... this IS real, isn't it? I'm sure you'll want to offer me compensation in respect to my dashed expectations.

@ "as I type" ScrambledSmegs

Fab - and congrats on the press release starting out so convincingly!!!