had a truly hideous today so given up and come home with tail between legs.
first it's ankle deep snow when i woke and no gritters in sight. but i like snow so that was ok.
but then solicitors meeting was short and blunt. i'm fucked aparently. specially if exdp decides to just disappear to italy for a bit and leave the staff running his businesses there's nothing i can do.
i can go into a voluntary agreement with him. but he's made it quite clear if i want cash then i must giv him details of all things to be paid and he'l pay for it. and it'll all be in his name.and any thing i need cash for has to be listed and he'll stump up. one of the reasons i split was to be reasonsible for my own bills (as his gambling was causing him to fail when he was resposible for it all) and be independant as i was getting fed up of the mortgage company calling for missed mortgage payments.
that was one of many reasons. i would rather live on nothing and scrounge of benefits till kids are in pre-school than go back to that phsychological hell.at least then i know things are paid. and not sleepless with thought of bailiffs.
but i got to meet MrBM meeting place nice and early. i had a book with me so i wasn't looking like a loser while he came....then at 11am when we were supposed to meet he called to say he was sitting in the motorway at edinburgh. going no where. and he didn't have time to come to see me and get back to his "real" work appointments.
i tried not to sound disappointed. but i think i came accross as deflated.i just kind of shrugged it off and was very non commital when he asked about if i'd be available for msn or call tonight. and he kept pressing for another day we could meet. but i was only interested in getting off the phone tbh.
feel really shitty about everything today. dont even know if i will hang about to msn. thinking of just going to bed with kids tonight
oh and i got masses of bills in today.2 were credit cards with stuff solely bought for exdp on my cards as his were maxed out. equipment for his new shop and other things. but it'll be me who has to pay for them.