Sex toys, double standard

EchoFallsRose · 27/12/2021 16:25

I don’t think anyone has the right to tell another person how they should/shouldn’t masturbate. Sex toys are there for both men and women, they exist for a reason and are designed to be pleasurable which both men and women are entitled to use.

furbabymama87 · 27/12/2021 18:00

I don't think any orgasm compares to one with a vibrator. Even though I have a good sex life I'd never deprive myself because it just feels so amazing. And a lot of women struggle to orgasm, where men don't, so a toy to some women could be essential. Women's toys are all about the function, most men's toys are weird because they try to look like actual body parts, some even with boobs and faces attached. I'd find a guy who was visually turned on by that a bit odd. But then I don't like the look of the realistic type dildos for women either and don't understand the appeal of those.

Original poster

turnaroundtime · 27/12/2021 19:14

@furbabymama87

I don't think any orgasm compares to one with a vibrator. Even though I have a good sex life I'd never deprive myself because it just feels so amazing. And a lot of women struggle to orgasm, where men don't, so a toy to some women could be essential. Women's toys are all about the function, most men's toys are weird because they try to look like actual body parts, some even with boobs and faces attached. I'd find a guy who was visually turned on by that a bit odd. But then I don't like the look of the realistic type dildos for women either and don't understand the appeal of those.

Some women's toys look realistic and some men's toys look realistic. Some women's toys look functional as do some men's toys. It seems like the only thing different is people's acceptance or condemnation of them. Women seem to be considered smart, self sufficient, knowing of themselves and what is needed to pleasure themselves like it is a good thing but any mention of a 'wank' toy for me and it is met with disdain and horror. Like a man using a sleeve or device to wank into is sick or a saddo or perverted or some kind of a monster towards women

OP posts:

Original poster

turnaroundtime · 27/12/2021 19:15

'wank' toy for men not me!!

OP posts:

zarek · 27/12/2021 21:14

Male masturbation is, perhaps unfairly, more associated with being able to to find a partner and also a bit more gross in terms of the associated mess

sammylady37 · 27/12/2021 22:02

I agree with you op. Any thread on here about flesh lights will be full of posts about how ‘grim’ they are and how awful the life-like ones are. Yet so many dildos/vibrators are life-like, veined, have balls attached, can thrust, some even claim they feel life-like. And any woman who posts about wanting to buy a vibrator would (rightly) be encouraged, yet a man buying sex toys for himself is seen as creepy.

It extends beyond sex toys though. I’ve seen threads on here from women who seem shocked to discover that their partners masturbate, with or without sex toys, and there’s hand-wringing and angst about why does he need to do that when he has a partner etc. Then the cheerleaders arrive and talk about how grim it all is, how he must be watching porn, she should lay down a boundary about it etc. Anyone who dares disagree and point out that masturbation is normal and healthy is called a cool girl or a handmaiden. But if a woman posted that her male partner was upset at the fact that she masturbated and was saying she shouldn’t need to because she has a partner, she would (rightly) be told that he was unreasonable and controlling.

crestar · 28/12/2021 10:24

@sammylady37

I agree with you op. Any thread on here about flesh lights will be full of posts about how ‘grim’ they are and how awful the life-like ones are. Yet so many dildos/vibrators are life-like, veined, have balls attached, can thrust, some even claim they feel life-like. And any woman who posts about wanting to buy a vibrator would (rightly) be encouraged, yet a man buying sex toys for himself is seen as creepy.

It extends beyond sex toys though. I’ve seen threads on here from women who seem shocked to discover that their partners masturbate, with or without sex toys, and there’s hand-wringing and angst about why does he need to do that when he has a partner etc. Then the cheerleaders arrive and talk about how grim it all is, how he must be watching porn, she should lay down a boundary about it etc. Anyone who dares disagree and point out that masturbation is normal and healthy is called a cool girl or a handmaiden. But if a woman posted that her male partner was upset at the fact that she masturbated and was saying she shouldn’t need to because she has a partner, she would (rightly) be told that he was unreasonable and controlling.

Agree - there are plenty of Karens on Mumsnet.

Catullus5 · 03/01/2022 19:17

I do think there's a lot of 'ick' about men's sexuality on MN (see, for example, what's said about this board.)

But I'm not sure there's actually a double standard about sex toys. In the main, vibrators, dildos etc are examples of form following function and they're often aesthetically pleasing to the eye, regardless of what they're intended for. The image is high quality manufacturing. Of course there are exceptions but that's the dominant image.

Men's toys? Classic example = fleshlight. Actually designed to look like genitals. Often modelled on the genitals of porn stars. Probably hard to clean. Even the name is grotesque. The image? A sleazy VHS shop in Soho, with a sticky floor and a section behind a beaded curtain, with women as meat / prey.

I think it's starting to change, but there's a long way to go.

ragnarson · 04/01/2022 04:32

I can't find which is funniest, people complain that they are too life like and weird or those people extolling the virtues of a 2lb demon dick in rainbow colours.

Pky45 · 04/01/2022 21:44

@turnaroundtime

I've read a couple of threads lately where the overwhelming opinion seemed to be that strokers/male masturbation sleeves/vagina simulators...what ever they are called - things that people with a penis use to stick their dicks in to masterbate with are crude, misogynistic, creepy but vibrators and dildos for people with a vagina are good. Straight men using dildos to pleasure themselves is also considered all kinds of bad but women can use what they want. Is there a double standard here?

Yes, In fact I would go further and say are general sexual double standards on this site, women are almost actively encouraged to use sex toys and practice masturbation , but for men it’s “wank”, and man masturbating is “wanking” often used in a degrading manner, Women who want sex are said to have a healthy sexual appetite, but man are called sex pests, or pervs or grim. Bisexual women are seen as “cool”, men who are bisexual are really looked down on and seen as “gay” in a degrading manner. Women who don’t want sex or have a low drive are told that okay and no one deserves sex. Men who don’t want sex are often called losers, or must be porn users, or must be gay or there is something wrong with them.

Overall there a general double standards on this forum, but more so for sex, women can almost do anything or say anything to do with sex, and that’s just fine, but men can’t.

PinotPony · 04/01/2022 21:55

Yes, there's a huge double standard. It never ceases to amaze me how often posters refer to male masturbation as grim or nasty.

Also lots of posts about how men who like their arseholes stimulated must be closet gay or bisexual. That makes me roll my eyes every time!

It's the result of a lack of awareness and education.

Rieslinger · 05/01/2022 10:43

I just wish there were Men's Sex Toys out there that actually worked or were even remotely close to my DW's TLC, closest I've found so far are Tenga Eggs

oldwhyno · 05/01/2022 12:37

I don't see it as a double standard, just evidence that not everything in life is "equal", and nor need it be.

Original poster

turnaroundtime · 05/01/2022 13:57

@oldwhyno

I don't see it as a double standard, just evidence that not everything in life is "equal", and nor need it be.

Do you mean you think it is correct that men are criticised for the same sexual appetite/toy pleasure as women?

OP posts:

oldwhyno · 05/01/2022 15:24

I don't think men are criticised for having the same sexual appetite, or wanting or acheiving the same kind of pleasure as women. But typical men (not those with disability or special medical situations) really don't need anything more than their hand, and if they lack imagination, their phone.

DillonPanthersTexas · 05/01/2022 16:41

Women's toys are all about the function, most men's toys are weird because they try to look like actual body parts

I guess it's just a coincidence that all those women's toys have veins, balls and 'life like' skin texture?

GeorgeOhWell · 05/01/2022 19:32

I would echo comments by PPs; there does seem to be a double standard both in the devices marketed for men and the act of male masturbation. There was a thread last year where the poster's partner was considering buying a flesh light to use when they were away on business. Comments were typically that this was *beyond grim". Female masturbation is often seen as empowering, liberating and generally a good thing - which it is. A man doing the same thing is usually seen as a bit of a loser who can't get laid when they are doing the same the same thing.

However the name Fleshlight is grim, surely someone could have thought of something more appealing.

Snoozysnoozy · 05/01/2022 19:32

But typical men (not those with disability or special medical situations) really don't need anything more than their hand, and if they lack imagination, their phone

Well, yeah, but it's still much nicer to use a toy than a hand.

Snoozysnoozy · 05/01/2022 19:33

not everything in life is "equal", and nor need it be.

What do you mean by this?

Catullus5 · 05/01/2022 19:45

Like I said above, some do. But from what I've seen sex toys for women generally look like something from Ikea. Clean lines, simple forms and hardly a vein in sight.

Just go to Lovehoney and have a browse. When you click on 'Male Sex Toys' then you start seeing the body parts. A cornucopia of vulvas protruding from cylinders, like eviscerated body parts. A severed torso for the gentleman to mount, like a bull on semen-collecting day. Inflatable things with blank expressions or unnaturally circular, wide-open mouths. Sexy they are not, and I say that as a member of the target consumer group. And yes, I accept that there are plenty of men's toys that aren't like that, but they're still the exception.

Women's sex toys are better designed and made, and I think it's clear why: they can do things that the human body just can't. They're no different to power tools and so I expect there's more money to be made in developing them. Men's toys? I agree with the comment above. I suspect that even the very best aren't any better than a well-practised hand and all men have one of those.

Catullus5 · 05/01/2022 19:50

(that was in response to DillonPanthersTexas)

Fatgalslim · 05/01/2022 20:43

People with a vagina? You mean women right?

DillonPanthersTexas · 05/01/2022 21:35

A cornucopia of vulvas

That's something you don't read everyday!

DillonPanthersTexas · 05/01/2022 21:45

Just go to Lovehoney and have a browse.

Lovehoney are not the only retailer of sex toys, have a look at Loveoutlet, half their vibrators are replica cocks whereas pretty much all their dildos are clearly designed to look and feel like a cock.

Catullus5 · 05/01/2022 21:45

@DillonPanthersTexas

A cornucopia of vulvas

That's something you don't read everyday!

Perhaps abattoir is a better choice.