Embarrassing sex story

[fairypuff]

I can't believe my first post is about this but there is NO-ONE I could talk to about this in RL, it's just too mortifying so here I go. Last night DH and I tried dtd from behind - a position we haven't tried since before our DCs were born. The trouble was that, no matter how hard we tried, we just couldn't achieve penetration - it's like my lady parts have moved position! The worst, and most embarrassing part, is that when I moved so we could go at it another way.... well... obviously some air had managed to get up there and... I fanny farted. Several times! What the fuck is happening to my body?! Why can't we do it this way any more?! Tell me some stories to make me feel better, please MN people!!!

There is a Sex topic for this kind of tale, OP.
You have to be a member for a while before you can post but you might find some stories to make you feel better over there.

You've chosen a very apt username.

People will be more sympathetic if you manage at least half a dozen posts about how many meals you can get out of one chicken, Zoflora, and your MIL before you ask for sex stories.
Congratulations on actually changing your name from User8000000 though.

🙄

Having babies alters the shape of your vagina, it's just a fact of life. For some reason nobody bloody tells you this pre-birth, though! Do your pelvic floor exercises, OP. They helped me reduce the frequency of mid-coitus fanny farts greatly. It still happens but we just have a giggle and get on with the task in hand.

😂😂😂

Thank you for the advice about posting. I wasn't sure the best place for this topic. I will learn as I go!
I will up my game on the pelvic floor exercises MattBerrysHair. Currently carrying out reps as I stand at my comp!
As for the name, my first choice was queefersutherland.... :)

Went out with someone for a while who was turned on by fanny farts.

Welcome OP.

Well done on trying something, if not new then different for you, as for the outcome don't fret. When it happens just laugh - most of our dtd sessions have a good gigglesnort point or two in them.

Thank you MrsMozart. We did have a real giggle about it at the time. We used to manage it no problem, but that was a long time and 2 children ago....

rizlett, there's nowt as queer as folk I suppose! It definitely did NOT turn DH on!!!

No shame in fannyfarting. Air gets trapped, it happens, best thing you can do is laugh and brush it off. Maybe use this as a chance to, ahem, explore each other again? Work out what works and what doesn't and what you do or don't enjoy now you've had 2 children?

Don't worry at all about the queef though, it happens to the best of us.

Baroness

hes your actual husband and youre embarrassed about a fanny fart in front of him??

I could understand being embarrassed in front of a ONS, but surely youre already quite intimate with your husband and he knows that this sort of thing happens occasionally?

The first time I fanny farted with my dp we were on the floor in stitches. 😂 we found it hilarious, I wasn't embarrassed at all

"How unlike the home life of our own dear Queen"

Does your vagina actually change shape when you give birth???? 😱 I had no idea! Two sections here, no babies exited me through the normals channels so either this is something I've never heard or you're winding us all up!!!

QueeferSutherland is a stroke of genius 😂

OP, you can ask for this to be moved to the right topic. Then posters who want to share their 'amusing' sex stories can get on with it in peace without putting other posters off their lunch 😷

Not sure how I can get it moved likkiillo but I think the title rather gives away the subject matter so lunchtime reading can be avoided!
I'll investigate getting it moved for you tho.
Ew1990 we've been together 14 years and this is the first time it's happened! Maybe we're just not adventurous enough...

Most people are going to think you're either a journo or a bloke sitting in front of a screen, rancid old todger in hand looking for wank fodder.

There is a sex topic where the folks there take it very seriously, lots of mansplaining from what I've seen on the odd occaision I've looked, but I think you have to post around 50 times before they let you in.

I thin you can report your own thread and ask for it to be moved.

The problem with 'amusing sex stories' threads is there can be a lot of them and some of them are gross and not the least bit funny I guess it makes it easier for MNHQ if they are all in the same place as posters can then just hide the subject.

@mattberryshair wait...what...?! Having kids will alter the shape of my vag?? What?!

I'm sure logically this makes sense I mean babies heads aren't small...but why?! Why don't they tell you this stuff.

books self in for vag surgery after ds arrives in sept