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Original poster

Embarrassing sex story

46 replies

fairypuff · 15/07/2017 12:58

I can't believe my first post is about this but there is NO-ONE I could talk to about this in RL, it's just too mortifying so here I go. Last night DH and I tried dtd from behind - a position we haven't tried since before our DCs were born. The trouble was that, no matter how hard we tried, we just couldn't achieve penetration - it's like my lady parts have moved position! The worst, and most embarrassing part, is that when I moved so we could go at it another way.... well... obviously some air had managed to get up there and... I fanny farted. Several times! What the fuck is happening to my body?! Why can't we do it this way any more?! Tell me some stories to make me feel better, please MN people!!!

OP posts:
Onhold · 15/07/2017 14:51

First post on an internet forum asking for sex stories doesn't look suss at all.

Original poster
fairypuff · 15/07/2017 14:52

I have reported it and asked for it to be moved. Didn't realise there were unspoken rules about this sort of thing. Sorry.
Definitely not a journo and not a wanking bloke either! Currently at work and minimising my screen every few mins when someone comes by!

OP posts:
Onhold · 15/07/2017 14:53

If you are new you can't post in the sex topic.

GinSoakedTwitchyPony · 15/07/2017 14:54

but I think the title rather gives away the subject matter so lunchtime reading can be avoided

And there was I thinking that you'd chosen that title in order to generate traffic to your thread. When in fact you chose it because you're so concerned about others and their lunch. Halo

Original poster
fairypuff · 15/07/2017 14:55

Onhold, good point. I take it back. I don't want to hear any other stories, I genuinely didn't know who to ask about this and have followed some very helpful MN threads in the past.
You know what, can we all just forget about my misplaced vagina?!

OP posts:
Original poster
fairypuff · 15/07/2017 14:58

It's being moved to the sex topic Gin. Sorry to have offended you!

OP posts:
fanfrickintastic · 15/07/2017 14:59

Mines deffo moved Sad things just don't work as they used to. I'm surprised it's taken 2 of the little buggers for you to work it out though. Fanny farts are totes the other halfs fault, you didn't put he sir in there!

Original poster
fairypuff · 15/07/2017 15:05

That's reassuring fanfrickintastic - I'm not abnormal after all!

OP posts:
Justaboy · 15/07/2017 15:10

Umm .. might one ask if you were lying flat with him on top of you in which case this might be a bit difficult. Has for instance his todger shrunk a bit?, ie now no longer as 'ard and mighty as it once was; or has ones bum area/volume expanded a bit over time?.

How does it work in the doggy position as that puts the socket a tad nearer the plug?

FirstSnowfall · 15/07/2017 15:19

Jeez... the amount of prudishness on here is funny as. I'm pretty sure you couldn't press on the thread by accident without having a general idea of the subject matter with a title like that.
Keep on scrolling people 🙄

Original poster
fairypuff · 15/07/2017 15:20

Justaboy I was standing leaning over the bed and he was behind me. I'm much the same build as always and he hasn't shrunk! Perhaps we'll go with doggy position next time (and not just because I like the socket/plug comment!)

OP posts:
MNHQ
LouMumsnet · 15/07/2017 15:24

Afternoon all and thanks for all the reports on this thread. OP has now been in touch with us directly and has asked us to move this thread over to the Sex topic, which we're going to do shortly.

For what it's worth, we can tell you that OP has been on Mumsnet a fair while, despite this being her first - and rather - memorable post, which is why we're happy to move this thread over to the Sex topic.

Please no troll hunting on the thread. As ever, if you have any concerns about a particular post, report it and we'll be happy to take a look.

Iikkiilloo · 15/07/2017 15:34

Jeez... the amount of prudishness on here is funny as.

You are missing the point. It's nothing to do with prudishness. I doubt people are prudish about fanny farts. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just prefer posts about sex to be in the sex topic. I think a lot of posters do. This one is ok but it's the actual revolting ones that I dislike. I'm sure you've seen them. I think it's good that posters are given the choice.

lynmilne65 · 15/07/2017 16:29

A fanny fart is a 'quife' I am reliably informed. Unsure re spelling!

SleepingTiger · 15/07/2017 17:34

Diagram - or it didn't happen!

It's kind of 'parking anyway'

Notreallyarsed · 15/07/2017 17:35

queefersutherland Grin

alltouchedout · 15/07/2017 17:44

Um, you can choose not to click on an thread titled 'embarrassing sex story' if you're not keen on reading embarrassing sex stories Confused

BungledUpInTwo · 16/07/2017 08:36

Why is this embarrassing?

Real sex - as opposed to movie sex - is gloriously awkward: noisy, sweaty, messy, sticky, ungainly. And all the better for it.

Christmastree43 · 16/07/2017 08:47

justaboy 😂 What a brilliant post

GinaFordCortina · 16/07/2017 13:03

This doesn't read at all to me like a troll.
Op after my first I felt like vagina had moved north Hmm

Dh and I called it a blow hole as it had moved higher.

I get embarrassed bybqueefing too. No idea why. It's not me that's pushed the air in

Justaboy · 17/07/2017 11:04

Christmastree43

Twasn't me! its taken from;

Percy Priggs fucking and fancy frigging compendium for gentlemen

published in 1775

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