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Original poster

New partner thinks most women orgasm from penetration

67 replies

JasmineDaydream · 31/05/2017 18:58

Had sex with a new partner for the first time recently and during sex and through talking about it since, I've discovered that he thinks I'm quite unusual in not being able to achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation.
We had foreplay first and during sex but he expected me to orgasm then just from penetration.
Is that really unusual?

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 31/05/2017 19:02

Unfortunately probably not. It's through ignorance, lack of experience and assuming sex is like in porn films.

Flipsticks · 31/05/2017 19:03

There is no usual in regards to orgasms I don't think, they are as unique as we are!

Untangled07 · 31/05/2017 19:29

It's through ignorance, lack of experience and assuming sex is like in porn films

Or alternatively, he's simply talking from his previous sexual experiences. I'm the opposite of the OP in that I can only orgasm from penetration. Everyone's different.

PaintingByNumbers · 31/05/2017 19:34

your response is the most common. it could be his previous girlfriend was different, but unless he is pretty young and inexperienced, its statistically more likely his exes were faking it.

ShinyGirl · 31/05/2017 19:37

Only from penetration here too.

Mrskeats · 31/05/2017 19:38

Only about 20% of women can orgasm that way. He's either been lucky or women he's been with have been faking.
Even so he should surely know this?

PaintingByNumbers · 31/05/2017 19:38

you could read up about clitoral erections though to get him working hard to stimulate all your clit, inside and out Grin

AngryCasper · 31/05/2017 20:28

My ex was the same; he had absolutely no idea that women not being able to orgasm from just penetration was even a thing until he met me. He assumed I was weird and that it must mean I didn't enjoy sex. Even when I made him research it to see that I was actually part of the majority, he would never quite admit it was true and was convinced everyone else he'd ever slept with had always orgasmed every time through penetration. His ignorance really turned me off to be honest and was probably the reason we never managed a fulfilling sex life.

Original poster
JasmineDaydream · 31/05/2017 21:31

The thing is, he's a very generous lover for want of a better description - he enjoys making me orgasm and is happy to go with whatever gets me there. He is very experienced sexually so I am really surprised that he thinks that is normal. He can't have been with loads of women who fake it surely?

OP posts:
Original poster
JasmineDaydream · 31/05/2017 21:32

I'm really quite interested to learn about vaginal/penetration orgasms compared to clitoral orgasm. I'm fairly sure I've never had one.

OP posts:
PaperdollCartoon · 31/05/2017 21:35

I can only come either during sex with me on top, where the downward pressure will also be stimulating the clitoral nerves (the nerves go back about 4 inches into the body and fork down both sides of the vagina) or with a vibrator. Maybe other positions but only with vibrater stimulation at the same time. Fingers and tongues feel nice but never get me there.

PaperdollCartoon · 31/05/2017 21:35

Vibrator*

AdalindSchade · 31/05/2017 21:35

The clitoris is a large organ that is stimulated not just through the visible bit so it's possible to orgasm through penetration alone but absolutely not the physiological norm for women.
Why don't you show him this picture and ask him if he knows what it is?

New partner thinks most women orgasm from penetration
AdalindSchade · 31/05/2017 21:35

Try again

New partner thinks most women orgasm from penetration
FathomsDeepAndFallingFurther · 31/05/2017 21:39

Studies have consistently shown that most women cannot orgasm through penetration alone. Only about 15% - 20% are able to do so. So no, you are not unusual at all.

So either all his pervious sexual partners were in that 20%, they were faking or his expectations have been skewed by porn.

AdalindSchade · 31/05/2017 21:40

It's fine to not know things but if he was trying to mansplain the female orgasm to me I'd be pretty fucked off. Does he still think he knows best?

Birdsbeesandtrees · 31/05/2017 21:42

I absolutely can orgasm through penetration alone. I prefer it too as it's better

I've no idea though how representative I am.

AdalindSchade · 31/05/2017 21:43

Well posts above indicate that you're in the minority

PaintingByNumbers · 31/05/2017 22:16

perhaps if he sounded so surprised with other partners, they then faked it to keep him happy?
its the kind of thing i'd expect a young inexperienced man to believe tbh
I dont think there is a difference in feeling between the types of orgasm that is any different to the way every orgasm from one type of stimulation is different iykwim?

FinallyHere · 31/05/2017 22:32

I am very sorry to have to admit to having faked a lot in my early years. Mostly out of ignorance, but then when i did understand the mechanics, i felt unable to explain to then DP so i just continued faking. For the record, this was not a recipe for a successful long term relationship.

When now DH and I got together, I decided that i would not fake ever, and see how we got on. It's never been an issue between us but he did once mention in passing how unusual I was, being so unlikely to orgasm through penetration alone. Reader, I suggested that this might be less unusual than he thought, he wasn't convinced but I didn't feel there was much to be gained from pursuing my point of view.

Today, I have been so very glad to have my point of view validated by some on MN and to know that there is a significant other point of view. I do in passing wonder whether the informations available to subsequent generations is any better.

AdalindSchade · 31/05/2017 22:34

Faking is such a waste of time. I have done it maybe twice in my life when I was tired of trying

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 31/05/2017 22:42

Sometimes yes sometimes no, but the 'expecting' aspect would kill it for me!

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 31/05/2017 22:58

I've been sexually active for 21 years and orgasmed through penetration alone twice.

PopKid1 · 01/06/2017 00:57

OP - I'm really glad you posted this as I had been debating posting something similar these last couple of months.

I have been with my new boyfriend since the beginning of this year and we have a very satisfying sex life, but the last month he seems to be more focused on trying to make me orgasm through penetrative sex, even though I have never had a problem with him making me orgasm through manual or oral stimulation.

He is in his late 20s and I am in my late 30s. I have never orgasmed through penetration, or at least whatever I have felt (always good!) has never been the same as a clitoral orgasm which I have never had problems having.

He is so eager to please, but I am starting to feel a bit pressurised as I honestly don't think he understands that the majority of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation.

Is there anyone who didn't think they were able to orgasm through penetration but now can, and are able to give me any tips?

FreeNiki · 01/06/2017 01:42

It is still a clitoral orgasm via penetration. I am convinced the women who cant climax from penetration just havent figured out how to do it.

Friction of your partners pubic bone against your clitoris during penetration will do it. You just need to grab your partners butt and grind against his body.

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