New partner thinks most women orgasm from penetration

[JasmineDaydream]

Had sex with a new partner for the first time recently and during sex and through talking about it since, I've discovered that he thinks I'm quite unusual in not being able to achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation.
We had foreplay first and during sex but he expected me to orgasm then just from penetration.
Is that really unusual?

I find that I can orgasm during penetration if I concentrate really hard and grind in the right way. But honestly it's quite hard going and not the most satisfying way to do it.

So what if men found it too hard going to thrust and just lay there and told us to get them off with our hands and mouth instead as it was more satisfying for them?!

Why not put some effort into your own climax? I'd rather come with someone then have them finish seperately.

@PaintingByNumbers

I dont like that throb, it goes on for ages afterwards in an annoying 'tummy ache' kind of way

This actually sounds like you have a low cervix and the cock is bumping it during sex. To some women this feels enjoyable but to others (me and you included) it isn't pleasurable, and continues to ache after sex.

If I'm fucking a guy who has a long penis I usually refuse doggy for this reason and will go on top instead. Although arching your back more in doggy can help with this; I think it bends the vaginal canal so his cock can't quite reach the cervix.

FreeNiki do you possess the powers of reading comprehension?

I said I can make myself orgasm through penetration if I wish to but I prefer to do it myself through manual help whilst having sex with a partner. I already do take responsibility for my orgasm thanks. I was saying that I will not perform like a seal in order to achieve an orgasm through penetration simply to placate a man's ego/meet his expectations when I find it much less satisfying than doing it my way.

what a bizarre attitude FreeNiki. I think we are putting some effort into our own climaxes, just choosing different ways and times. I would never choose simultaneous, for instance, as you cant concentrate on each others climaxes. its just not particularly thrilling for me, so I choose not to. my personal fave, as I have perhaps mentioned , is to come first without vaginal stimulation, then be fucked. I think we both enjoy my reaction much more

It's through ignorance, lack of experience and assuming sex is like in porn films

Or maybe his previous partners have orgasamed via penetration, I do If I am on top. Oral feels nice When we do it but it doesn't get me off

The only man I ever managed it with had a rather small knob, and it was definitely the pressure on the clitoris that did it, rather than vaginal stimulation.

Sadly DH is much too large to manage it that way

arf, MissWilmott, its also true that the men I have had greatest success with vaginal penetration climaxes have been less well endowed. great hip action instead of thrusting action though, which might make a difference
interesting about the cervix thing too, NotTheFordType, mine is high but dh is quite long, and I agree about the doggy style technique too

I have had one previous partner with whom I could orgasm during penetration but only in missionary position. I think there was something about our relative shapes that gave me good clit stimulation. Mostly I don't although if one of us touches my clit I sometimes can.

I married for the first time over fifty years ago. I don't think I'd heard about a clitoris and considered PIV was the normal and only way to have sex. Eventually the marriage failed because of my sexual incompetence.

The next person I slept with said she had to be on top to get the right stimulation (of her clit).

No 3, the person I've remained with for about forty years, said the same.

I'd have hoped that after half century men might know a little more about female physiology.

Sadly DH is much too large to manage it that way

But ironically, it's not anything to boast about, if small penis = orgasm for you; large penis = no orgasm for you!

What's the point of a big dick if it doesn't lead to anything?!

I am convinced the women who cant climax from penetration just havent figured out how to do it.
You are wrong. It is more to do with anatomy. Where there is a smaller distance between the clitoris and vaginal opening, a woman is more likely to orgasm through penetration. Where there is a larger distance, it's much harder to feel any clitoral stimulation through penetration.
So between some men and women like you, women get criticised for doing it wrong, not being good enough at sex and not taking responsibility for their own orgasm.

I have had orgasms through penetration, in particular positions through grinding. It was nice but quite rare. I always orgasm through clitoral stimulation and to be honest, the orgasm is stronger and more intense, I have more control over it so I can make it last much longer.

I can't orgasm through penetration anymore because since having children my body has changed and grinding isn't possible due to the position of my cervix. Grinding was nice but was never the best sex anyway so I don't care - I prefer shallow thrusting with clitoral stimulation.

It doesn't matter how you orgasm, as long as you enjoy it!

The OPs partner has either had women who fake it or an extremely unusual set of previous partners. My experience has been no woman I have been with has had an orgasm through penetration alone- a couple had one as a second orgasm after a clitoral one, that's all.

Maybe porn has a lot to answer for on this issue.

I used to only be able to orgasm through clitoral stimulation but now I can climax multiple time through penetration too. The orgasms are internal and nothing to do with the outer clitoral alignment.

The bad news is that perimenopause and menopause must have changed my muscles for it to happen - it was nothing I did. And I also have stress incontinence.

You win some, you lose some.

The orgasms are internal and nothing to do with the outer clitoral alignment.
Internal orgasms are still due to the clitoris being stimulated internally. The clitoris extends much further inside that what is visible externally.
The internal part of your clitoris is being stimulated through penetration because of how it sits in relation to your vagina. In some women, the penis rubbing the internal walls of the vagina can stimulate the internal part of the clitoris. It can give a different type of orgasm.

This has been a really interesting and helpful thread.

In particular, AkimboLimbo - what you have said has definitely given me food for thought as I can relate to that given the distance between the crucial areas in MY body. And I emphasise the MY as I fully appreciate that everyone's bodies are different!

The main thing I'm taking away from this discussion is that I'm not going to start stressing (about something I've never stressed about before) and that an open discussion is needed with my man, who I honestly believe really means well 😀

Akimo Limbo, I understand about the internal clitoral structure. I was just emphasising that it's not from the penis rubbing the visible clitoris. I've seen it claimed many time here that if a woman orgasms from penetration it's only because the penis is rubbing the outer part.

Internal ones are so much bigger but I find it hard to get there.
Especially with a penis. The only orgasm I can have with penetration is if i am on top and he's sitting up
I've tried EVERYTHING
DP literally has magic fingers and has found a weird position of twisting his fingers around to push on something that usually does it better than anything else. Then we just have sex in any other ways, and don't focus too much on trying to get me to orgasm in sex because it takes so long I get sore. Also if I kind of lay on my back over him lying down then I have a free hand to help me along so he can be inside me when I come

It's just the way my body is made he doesn't mind nor do I