Did anyone leave a London life they loved for the countryside and regret it?

[lizwells2020]

Did anyone leave a London life they loved for the countryside and regret it?

We live in a lovely, villagey part of East London. We’re close friends with several families on our street, all with children around our son’s age. He’s four, very happy at a fantastic school, and we have a full life here. We go to the theatre, meet friends, do activities. On paper, I’m describing exactly the sort of life I always wanted.
But since having him, I’ve started to find London exhausting. Everywhere feels busy. I’m constantly watching for him running off, managing crowds, and feeling on edge. Even when we go somewhere wonderful, I’m often not enjoying it. I just feel overwhelmed. More and more, I want space, quiet and a view out of the window that isn’t another building.
This is strange for me. I moved to a city at 17, have lived in London for 20 years, and always loved being in the thick of things. I can’t tell whether something fundamental has changed, or whether this is simply what life feels like with a young child and a demanding job. I work from home most days but need to be in London twice a week; my husband also mostly works from home. We’re hoping to have another baby soon.
I’ve also begun to wonder whether so much choice is actually making us happier. I love that my son can see brilliant shows and do almost anything we think of, but does a child need all that? Would a local theatre production, a few familiar cafés and more time outdoors be just as good? I’m using fewer of London’s endless options myself these days, and I’m certainly not looking for nights out until 2am.
We’re looking at somewhere properly rural: five minutes’ drive to the nearest village, 15 minutes to a station, then an hour into London. There isn’t really anywhere to walk to. In my head, we’d make friends through school and local groups, explore the nearby villages, and still have a rich, busy life, just with a car involved. I’m aware that might be a rather romantic picture, especially when it’s dark and raining and everyone needs a lift.
My biggest fear is giving up the friends and community we already have, then feeling lonely or bored once the children are older. I also wonder what rural life is like for teenagers. But I’m equally worried about ignoring this strong feeling that the life I used to love no longer quite fits.
Has anyone made this kind of move when it felt like a complete change of personality? Did the craving for space last, or did you find yourself missing the city once your children got older? I’d really appreciate honest experiences, including regrets.

I think if at all possible, that's the absolutely best solution l. I have too many friends who still regret the move 15-20 years later.

Can't you move out a bit but still stay in London. As PP said in zone 3, best of both worlds.

I'm zone 6 and it's rural in parts, busy in others, plenty to do, yet only 25 min into London Bridge/Victoria.

I grew up in East London and moved to Bexley which is Kent London...zone 5... Best decision 9 ever.made. countryside twenty minutes. But where I live is pretty green . We know all our neighbours mix between young families and OAP 'S.... BEST LIFE EVER.

I used to live in the countryside near Harpenden, Herts, and that combined the peace and countryside you’re craving with easy train links to London, getting into central London in about half an hour. The main downside is that property tends to be really expensive anywhere like this, so you might not get the spacious home you’re envisioning. It’s also less diverse.

ive got a 2 & 5 year old and always think about this too op - but ulitmiately i dont think i could do it! I love being able to not use a car 90% of the time - being able to pop to the shops in a few mins, walk to school in 8mins, cycle to work in 20mins - having 10 bus routes on my doorstep, overground and tube nearby etc!
Popping into the westend whenever

cool exhibitions and so much to do all the time

If we do move before oldest starts secondary we'll be moving home to dublin and being near the city again - i just can't cope with a more rural life tbh

Move to a greener area of London. There are plenty of villagey areas that would give you some space while allowing you to enjoy the city

I think you’re reacting to the challenges and changes of having a small child.
If I lived in England I’d pick a nice market town.

You don't need to go rural.
Just move to a town. Preferably one with a decent bus service.

What I really want is a home where we can have friends over, where the children can have friends round, and where we have a big garden and room to breathe.

I feel like your first post, which was about a sort of London life fatigue doesn't really match up with this? I think the answer partly depends on whether this is about longing for a quieter life or feeling like you can't afford a house that gives you the above in London, or a combination of the two?

For what it's worth, we're in London (zone 1/2) and I've certainly had my moments, but now that the kids are older, I'm really happy we stayed. As teens they've had so much freedom and so many opportunities. My husband grew up somewhere very rural and it was idyllic. Until they were teens and then it was isolated and stifling and boring. They did loads of sport, but other than that, honestly, they spent so much time drink driving I'm amazed he (and others around him) are still alive and productive citizens.

Agree with this; I wouldn't want to be anymore rural than I am.

I live in a rural market town at the end of the railway line, just over 1 hour into London. Our children grew up here and it was perfect when they were young and perfect when they were teenagers and started to venture further, and eventually into London by train. We are also only half an hour from the coast.

We can actually walk to the train station from our home and often take the train into London.

I'd look for a nice commuter town with community and surroudning countryside (which is what this was but many of the commuters now WFH some or all of the time).

Tunbridge Wells is nice, vibrant and a good example.

I know you've asked the reverse question, but I totally felt what you're describing when my kids were young. I was desperate to move somewhere with outstanding natural beauty and I felt like there was nothing really for me in London anymore. Then my kids grew up a bit and I got more of my old life back - now that I'm meeting up with friends all the time, going out for dinner or drinks and not having to worry about the last train, and spoilt for choice when it comes to exercise classes etc., I'm starting to remember what I liked about London to begin with. Also, my oldest is on the cusp of teenagerhood and I'm very glad she can manage her own social life without needing a lift. I do think we don't want to grow old here, but for now it's still the right place for us.

We made the move! Initially we looked at "proper rural" as in not in a village or town, and actually when we looked at what we enjoy (theatre trips, cafes, walks, restaurants, pubs) and realised we needed to have more around us. We ended up on the edge of a cotswold town, we can walk to primary and secondary school, several pubs, 2 restaurants and several cafes plus there's the odd bus, a community theatre and a library. It's not busy, we can see sheep, we can walk in fields and we bought a dog. It's ideal. It's nice not to always be in the car and be able to walk to things.
I'd say look at what you want your lifestyle to be and imagine that in your new world - does it work, is driving everywhere annoying for you? Imagine it with teenagers, does it still work? It's tempting to buy the huge house with nothing around it, but I think you do need to be a certain type of person to love that, it wouldn't work for us when we really thought about it.
The other thing we did was rent for 6 months in the new area, it gave us the opportunity to sakc it all off if we hated it!! Luckily we didn't and bought our house, it gave us an advantage being a quick buyer with no chain and gave us time to find the right thing. We've been here for 8 years and I miss Uber, the variety of different restaurants and my friends from London but otherwise we prefer everything else!!

I’ve lived in London, and other major cities inc overseas, I’ve lived very rurally and now live in a small rural town, which for me is the best of both worlds. Within a 10 minute walk I am in stunning countryside but also a train station and an Aldi.

Very rural is hard and requires a lot of organising!

Years ago, I moved from Islington to a small village in North Norfolk (pop 200). The ideal location was edge of village. We were the last house on our lane, so away from noise & people & passing traffic, but able to walk to friends houses for drinks/supper/coffee etc and to the village hall. Lovely country walks from the doorstep and space for dogs and chickens. Fifteen minutes to the coast and plenty to do in our two local towns. It was absolute bliss.

'We’re looking at somewhere properly rural: five minutes’ drive to the nearest village, 15 minutes to a station, then an hour into London. There isn’t really anywhere to walk to.'

To me this is the irony of living very rurally. People presumably move for an outdoorsy lifestyle but then they're not actually able to walk anywhere, so are completely car dependent. I'd really hate that. Short walking distance of a town or village sounds far more preferable.

We did similar - loved London, never planned to move, but it didn’t feel “right” once we had a baby.

First we moved to a leafy area at the end of a Tube line, then after eight years we moved to a village just outside a small city a couple of hours outside London.
No regrets. London doesn’t go away, you can still go up a few times a year to see people. Even easier if you’re still at work there twice a week.

I think with any move it’s important to ensure you’re both aligned and have got the basics in place. Make a list of pros and cons of the place you’re looking at and discuss your hopes and fears. Good schools were important for me, and being rural but close to a big town. Get the basics right, then decide you’re going in with a positive attitude and will make it work.

The earlier you move children, the quicker they settle in. Our nine-year old struggled the most of all of us.

I moved from zone 2 to zone 6 which feels rural 🤣 we have a 5 bed house/huge garden but are 5 mins walk to the train and bus, and 2 min walk to a budgens, it feels very suburban but everyone here moved from Central london once they had kids so it feels like "my people" (even a neighbour moved here from Chelsea in the 1960s with her new baby). I can get onto the motorway quickly for the beach and I can be at a london terminal in 30 mins, plus the last train home is 01.30 so I can still have drinks etc. The outer zones are really worth looking at.

I think you need to think long term. A teenager / young adult will have far more opportunities in London than in some sleepy village in the middle of nowhere.

We live in NYC and plan to either stay here or move to another major city (a stint somewhere in Asia like Singapore, Hong Kong or Tokyo appeals) if we have a child.

We want a future child to have the best opportunities open to them. Nowhere provides that better than a major global city.

You’re making me feel like moving back!!

I grew up in NYC and it was the most utterly fantastic place to be.

I moved from living in central London for 20 years to the country for the last 20 years. I’ve always thought that I regretted it but now I’m not actually sure I could return. I do wish I’d waited a few years longer however for financial reasons

I lived in Beckenham and then SW London zone 3 until the age of 54 and then moved to a rural but extremely vibrant Hampshire market town an hour’s train ride from Waterloo.

I still miss London 8 years later and haven’t fully settled here. There are pros and cons to the move.

I absolutely would rent first and keep your London home to make sure you fully appreciate the pitfalls of moving out of London as getting back into London after making the move is expensive and hard to do.

I know the area you are considering as my parents retired to Tenterden.

Don’t underestimate the length of time of the commute especially in Winter with driving to a station, parking etc. plus the expense of the commute.

I would also only consider a place with a train station.

Public transport is truly awful when there’s no TFL. The ease of connectivity in London is immense. Buses, tubes, trains, Ubers, taxis, mini cabs, bikes etc.

Buses often cease mid day in the countryside and cease completely at 7pm. Rural taxis are expensive and Ubers don’t exist. Trains may be 2 fast and 1 stopper per hour if you are lucky. If there’s a problem on the line like a tree down etc then you’re stuffed until it’s sorted.

Things are parochial and the vast amount of services and opportunities that London offers aren’t present.

We don’t have children, but I personally think that London offers just the absolute best for teenagers and young adults. The job market is far far more buoyant and the opportunities wide reaching.

I think you need to take a long term approach and be realistic as to the potential and benefits that London offers your family. For me I would say stay in the capital city.

We used to live in south west London close to so many parks and had a life as you described it. I was always the city life person that loves brunches and business. We moved to the countryside after we had our 3rd kid and I love it! I never ever thought that will happen but it’s calmer and kids have lots of space to roam around. It’s really nice!

I felt like this when my children were under 5 but decided not to make the move. I am so glad we didn't. London has been great for older children and teens and it has also been really good for my career.

I also wouldn't frame the question as London or rural if that kind of move sounds or feels quite extreme. Have you considered other cities that might give you a mix of different things you would like? I was in London for 10 years, but have moved to Sheffield now. I miss certain things, but the scale works much better for me now- still city amenities & everything available to walk and etc, but never a feeling of crowd and rush that you describe.