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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP meeting "old friends" via facebook

57 replies

GhostInTheBackOfYourHead · 05/05/2010 07:40

Just wanted to check what other people think of this.

DP went to the pub last night to meet a woman he knew vaguely from primary school. He is 39 now so it has been over 25 years since he saw this person.

This came two hours after he asked me how I'd feel if he went out with a woman (as a friend) that he'd met via DateTheUk. I categorically said I would not be happy with him meeting a woman via a dating site.

He joined this site when we had a short break recently. I have asked him to deregister but he says it's too complicated. Yeah, right.

We don't live together so I don't know what time he got back.

What do you think?

OP posts:

fearnelinen · 05/05/2010 07:43

I would hate it and I probably wouldn't want it going on. But the only thing I would see fit to do is to see how he likes it. Hook up with someone from the past (or indeed from DateUK - he's a member, why not you?). If he objects, you have you're answer as to whether it's ok.

LoveBeingAMummy · 05/05/2010 07:46

tbh I would be more worried about DateTheUk than facebook, although his motives for FB so then look dodgy son't they. I would register and look him up, that way you can also look at the deregister process.

Once you look you can't take it back though so please be preared, it is possible you are looking at the end of your relationship.

Original poster

GhostInTheBackOfYourHead · 05/05/2010 07:54

Thanks for your replies. I think he'll have used a username on the dating sites but I think might join to just look.

fearne During our separation an old ex of mine(purely platonic) came to stay for a couple of days. DP was unhappy about that. He was also unhappy about me sharing a bed with a female friend of mine of 17 years when we stayed at a friends's house recently because my friend is a lesbian.

OP posts:

fearnelinen · 05/05/2010 08:03

Ghost So he's saying it's not OK for you but it is OK for him.

When I first got together with DH I had always had quite open relationships - monogamous, but open in that we both had lots of friends of the opposite sex and sometimes gay / lesbian where I would think nothing of sharing beds e.t.c. - but DH hated it. We had a looooong chat about whether I could change and so I did - he also gave me a taste of my own medicine by spending a whole week out with 'other women'! Like I said, all platonic, but I had to admit I felt a bit uncomfortable when our mutual friends started to take me aside to tell me quietly that they'd seen him out with so-and-so!!!

Now we are very clear about this, boundaries have been set. There is no bed sharing or going out getting plastered and not remembering what happened. I guess I just calmed down after DCs. It sounds like you need to explain what boundaries you're happy with and what constitues a walk-away point for you. You cannot spend nights sat at home, knowing he is on a 'date' and not being able to trust him.

Original poster

GhostInTheBackOfYourHead · 05/05/2010 08:03

Oh my Lord
Just logged onto DatetheUk. His profile is up there.

I am lost for words. It is not good. Last straw for me.

OP posts:

LoveBeingAMummy · 05/05/2010 08:04

What does it say?

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 05/05/2010 08:14

refusing to take his dating profile off. and trying again with you.

he's not trying.

he's making a fool of you.

3 options
1)get him to deregister
2)get your own profile up there. and dont be shy about it. taste of his own medicine will soon shock him
3)dump him for good

Original poster

GhostInTheBackOfYourHead · 05/05/2010 08:16

His account was open on my PC

He has mailed people while we were still together, in the last week, at the exact same time I was getting his birthday presents.

Am I allowed to post the link here?

OP posts:

LoveBeingAMummy · 05/05/2010 08:18

POst it then you can get it deleted? or if you want to send it to me i have cat

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 05/05/2010 08:20

post and delete.

Original poster

GhostInTheBackOfYourHead · 05/05/2010 08:21

delete what?

my post via mnhq?

OP posts:

LoveBeingAMummy · 05/05/2010 08:22

yes

fearnelinen · 05/05/2010 08:22

You have your answer, don't pick the scab.

GhostInTheBackOfYourHead · 05/05/2010 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

blinks · 05/05/2010 08:26

don't post it here. it's obvious the man's a chancer.

blinks · 05/05/2010 08:27

oh well.

LoveBeingAMummy · 05/05/2010 08:27

If he is deleting copy and paste the info somewhere for yourself.

The link are not working as I am not registered, not gonna risk dh finding me registered on there lol

Original poster

GhostInTheBackOfYourHead · 05/05/2010 08:30

I have asked mn to delete

he is now trying to say I have already decided he's guilty....blah blah blah

OP posts:

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 05/05/2010 08:30

cant read either and not wanting to register.

but... under "what looking for" type category.. what has he put? single?

LoveBeingAMummy · 05/05/2010 08:30

erm...well yeah, caught red handed! Don't let him talk you round, you know what you saw.

Original poster

GhostInTheBackOfYourHead · 05/05/2010 08:31

i shouldn't have posted here

I'm still in the palpitations, shaky hands state

OP posts:

fearnelinen · 05/05/2010 08:32

Don't panic, you've only posted a link to the site here. There's no personal info on there.

blinks · 05/05/2010 08:35

is he your DC's father?

if so remember you'll have to have a relationship of sorts with him so bear that in mind.

Anniegetyourgun · 05/05/2010 08:41

"he is now trying to say I have already decided he's guilty"

This is supposed to be a relationship, not a court of law. You don't have to prove anything to anyone except yourself, if you are not happy. You certainly don't have to "prove" anything to him!

What a weasel.

Original poster

GhostInTheBackOfYourHead · 05/05/2010 08:54

blinks he is the father of my DS. You can even see the frame of the buggy in the pic he's posted. I am pretty good at separating my relationship and the one he has with DS. So I will be civil to him in mattere regarding DS.

What has really pissed me off is the fact that he spent eight quid on a week's Gold membership last week when he only gives me a fiver a week for our DS.

Apparently "there is nothing wrong with making friends" He must think I was born yesterday.

And to think I started this post slightly bothered about him meeting an old school aquaintance.

OP posts:

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