Husband applied for a job as a train driver without telling me.

[MuffWat]

Husband applied for a job as a train driver without telling me....
I'm a bit confused, is it normal for people to apply for a radically different career without discussing with their spouses??! He's currently found an office job. I don't think he got the train job as it's been 8 weeks since the application and he hasn't heard anything, and has just decided to tell me now.

Ah that’s quite sweet! He probably wanted to surprise you and now it’s come to nothing he has told you because he feels a bit disappointed.

Did you ask your husband why he didn’t discuss it with you before applying?

What’s the problem? He wants a career change, probably to make his life less stressful.
i assume you have supported him in the decision?
will it affect any aspect of your life? Apart from your partner being happier?

It's a really good job if you can get it. Be pleased he's aspirational, did he tell you about the office job he applied for?

It pays well.
If it was more pay than he is on now, I would be delighted in him showing some initiative to better himself.

Has he been applying to lots of jobs and it's just too many to discuss unless something comes out of it?

There isn’t anything inherently wrong with being a train driver, the industry is crying out for train drivers and tube drivers at the moment. Maybe he has always wanted to be a train driver and saw the advert and went for it, respect to him if so. Maybe he wanted to be able to work shifts and be available to support you and the family, and an 8am-5pm job wasn’t allowing for such flexibility. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with him applying. Would you have been unhappy if it was for a promotion job in an office, like a director or senior manager? Train drivers have to use great interpersonal, technical and mechanical skills to do their job, and it is part of core infrastructure (cargo and people). Their final pay and pensions are also very very good, and they get very close to free train travel for their family. Have a chat with him. It’s an honest, respectable job.

Apparently the train driver interview/application process goes on interminably, DD has a friend who's.currently applying. It is a good job though and really well paid.

Do you have children, OP?

The shifts are hardly family friendly.

There's no problem. I suppose the shifts would affect family life but yes it would pay better than his current job. Just wondered what others' thoughts would be about the secrecy.

Good on him. Could be a childhood dream or something he’s only recently become curious about. I wouldn’t necessarily discuss this sort of thing with my partner either. It’s like the driving test - the more people you tell, the more pressure you feel to pass.

Less stressful?

train drivers are seriously well paid precisely because it’s incredibly stressful. Not many jobs run the very real risk of killing someone at some point. The trauma of someone jumping in front of you train is immense.

o/p to answer your question- no I don’t think I would expect a discussion over every job application, unless it was a serious drop in salary or change in circumstance. I went through a phase of chucking in applications for everything I could find- one for application and interview practice, and second I figured a scattergun approach might increase my chance of a better job. I would normally discuss it with dh if I got an interview, mainly logistics around the kids and if the hours would fit.

Maybe he wasn’t expecting to get the job and applying was a bit of a long shot.

I think the shifts would affect family life, so I think there should be some discussion tnere.

I'd think the same.

I'm struggling to imagine why it might he problem tbh.

Maybe he just didnt think it was worth mentioning until he had something concrete to mention. Maybe he anticipated questions that he wouldn't have had the answer to. Maybe he just wanted to satisfy his own curiosity.

You could always ask him why he didn't mention it at the time.

I don’t see a problem with him applying for another job, he has a job, applying for another job is fine.

i worked part time and decided to go back to college, I didn’t discuss it with dh until I had been accepted on the course as I would still be able to work my part time job around college.

If it involves a very different salary/hours, it's right to discuss it before taking it. But there's so many times these days when people are disappointed in job hunts, I get why they wouldn't bother discussing it before an interview.

Train Driver jobs are extremely hard to get to even get through the paper shift
Then the psychometric tests
honestly it’s a pipe dream a bit of a non-issue wouldn’t even thought of mentioning it probably come to nothing which it has

Instead of asking strangers, communicate with your husband!

I'd be surprised to say the least but would show my support for him. I would also have a calm discussion about the importance of discussing things like this first as a couple, since it will impact family time/potentially childcare arrangements, etc.

I think sometimes people just get ahead of themselves and just go for it, especially if it's something he is passionate about. Perhaps didn't tell you as he was unsure of your reaction and probably didn't want you to talk him out of it. Maybe he feels sad and drained in his current job and wants to do something he actually enjoys; I don't blame him and if that's the case you should support him fully.

This is all a conversation you need to (calmly) have with your DH. It's important to share a mutual understanding when it comes to decisions like this so I can understand why you're a bit miffed, but it really doesn't need to be a big issue. Congrats to him on the office job, too.

Trust me, 8 weeks is no time at all when applying for railway jobs 😂. I wouldn’t expect anyone to hear back for longer than that.
Good luck to him, each train driver job has 100s of applicants, so fingers crossed!

Strangely enough I was chatting to someone at the weekend who works for the railways about train drivers and salaries, I had no idea they were paid so well, but on reflection they are carrying a lot of people and need to keep them safe, so do have a very important job to do.

I'd be proper chuffed to be honest. (See what I did there.)

Really good pay, something he would enjoy doing, and free train travel for the whole family!

Not relevant to the thread, but it always gets my goat when people come out with these excuses for train drivers being paid so highly. Stressful, seeing death, responsible for safety?

Nurses.
That is all.

I understand OP, everyone is focusing on the merits of a train driver job, but it’s not about that. It’s about not having discussed it with you - not necessarily even in a “what do you think about this potential career” way, but just how this conversation doesn’t occur at dinner -

“How was your day”
”Fine thanks, applied to a couple more jobs, including a fairly left field one for a train driver, thought that sounded cool …”

I can see why it’s unsettling. Not saying anything nefarious is going on but it would make me a bit uncomfortable as well.