How do I send this message

[gloriousday34]

I know I’ll be told im stupid for this. I know I’ll get people saying dont send jt. But I think I’d regret not sending it. I need help with the wording

so there is a man at a place i regularly frequent. Hea attractive to me. We flirt. We go back and fourth and have done since may. A while ago we ended up in the passenger seat of my car all over each other.

all he does is talk sex with me over text but in person We can talk about life.

we kissed a few weeks ago in the car but he then started to almost lean to wanting more and touched himself, I stopped him and said look I think we need to stop I can’t do it.

We’d not really spoken since. The energy just genuinely shifted. I sat next to him yesterday as he was on his own. We talked a little. He asked what I was doing that evening and said maybe he could be a part of the plans. I said I was busy. He asked me what I was doing today. I said nothing. But youre not coming to mine and we’re not having sex. He then said i was turning him on so I just gave up and was like. This is pointless Ive not heard off him so of course he’s just shown himself as only wanting one thing.

because I frequent this place a lot. It’s awkward to me. I don’t want to talk about it because I know he’s got the control. But I just wanted to say something along the lines of “hey. I could see you didnt feel like speaking yesterday. Which is fine. I understand. but I really can’t engage in casual intimacy now or ever. I’m not what sort of woman and I know im partly to blame for flirting. But the circles aren’t conducive”

tbkughts

Do you guys think I’m stupid for establishing this boundary?

It’s a bit late , it’s over, he doesn’t want a relationship with you, you’re flogging a dead horse,

Are you both single?

Do you need to send the message? He’s after sex and you don’t want casual, just leave it as it is and just see how it goes next time you bump into each other.

What do you actually want? Are you hoping for a full on relationship with him or do you just want to be friends? I’m confused and he might be too. That said, there’s a strong chance it’s just a physical fling for him. Is he definitely single?

Hi, OP. Just to let you know, we've moved your post to our Relationships board now as we thought it'd be a better fit here than Chat.

I wouldn't bother, op. He seems to have been clear that he only wants sex, and you want more. Therefore, anything you say to him won't be of any interest.

Or you could try a last-ditch conversation and see if he's interested in dating.

Does the message sound desperate. I just want to get it off my chest

Thanks xx

It sounds to me like you want a relationship with him, and the man is basically making it clear he’s not even wanting to talk to you if you’re not putting out,

so I’d say yes it’s a fairly desperate play, I’m sorry, and quite humiliating. The odds of him responding in the way you wish are non existent.

And I think you know deep down op, irs why you’ve not sent it,

I really really wouldn't. Sending that sort of text to someone who lost interest once sex was off the table is unlikely to elicit any response from him. All that happens is he gets an ego boost and you end up feeling rather foolish.

Let it go. Talk to your gfs, vent here, but don't contact him again. He only wants sex and he doesn't care about you as a person, much less some long text about your non relationship. Does he work there? If so, I'd go somewhere else for a bit.

I don't think you need to send this message. I think he already knows where you stand, so it may just end up costing you more emotional energy. You can absolutely establish a boundary without having to explain or justify it to him. From what you've said, he seems to be looking for something casual, whereas you want something more. Unfortunately, I don't think anything you write is likely to change that. He's made his intentions clear.

You will feel humiliated and dumb if you send it because he wants a shag and has already made that clear. Don’t overexplain yourself in a paragraph, that’s what looks desperate. Like you need him to understand you, he doesn’t care anyway.

So much this. You would just be stroking his ego. He isn't bothered, wanted a sexual encounter in a car; there is nothing good there. Blank him.

Frankly I am confused by your actions- so you don't want to have casual sex with him? But your behaviour is not particularly indicative of that. You've been making out and kissing in the car but don't want more than that? If there is only sex talk via text, then it's pretty obvious that he wants something sexual. How come you aren't understanding that? And your message is quite convoluted too- what does circles aren't conducive mean? Just leave it and next time you see him, just be civil, that's all.

Not you again.

Don't. You probably feel a bit uncomfortable but contacting him won't resolve it. Keep your dignity and say nothing.

I would send a short text and let him know you're looking for a serious relationship not casual shagging, you kill 2 birds with one stone: he gets the message and you get it of your chest. He might or might not respond what you would like to hear but you have no control over that. If this helps you get closure so be it.

Please don’t do this. It will hurt too much and make you feel even worse as you won’t get whay you want,

What might work for me might not work for you and that's fine, we're all different.

I agree. I haven’t said anything as yet. I feel for me it just is easier to say it. We’re adults so me expressing the fact that casual doesn’t work. Shouldn’t cause chaos if he only wants that.

"Hi, I'm looking for something serious and I have this rule where I don't shag till the 4th month when I know the guy well", watch half of the men dissapear (this man included).

What does “circles aren’t conducive” mean?

Sorry but you both engaged in sexual texting and messing about in a car so it looks exactly the same each way that your both up for one off fun sex and just wanting one thing. Should have made boundaries clear at start so it's neither of your faults but he is probably confused now aswell. Not sure why you cant verbally say not into you etc you were happy enough to share more lol