How do I send this message

[gloriousday34]

I know I’ll be told im stupid for this. I know I’ll get people saying dont send jt. But I think I’d regret not sending it. I need help with the wording

so there is a man at a place i regularly frequent. Hea attractive to me. We flirt. We go back and fourth and have done since may. A while ago we ended up in the passenger seat of my car all over each other.

all he does is talk sex with me over text but in person We can talk about life.

we kissed a few weeks ago in the car but he then started to almost lean to wanting more and touched himself, I stopped him and said look I think we need to stop I can’t do it.

We’d not really spoken since. The energy just genuinely shifted. I sat next to him yesterday as he was on his own. We talked a little. He asked what I was doing that evening and said maybe he could be a part of the plans. I said I was busy. He asked me what I was doing today. I said nothing. But youre not coming to mine and we’re not having sex. He then said i was turning him on so I just gave up and was like. This is pointless Ive not heard off him so of course he’s just shown himself as only wanting one thing.

because I frequent this place a lot. It’s awkward to me. I don’t want to talk about it because I know he’s got the control. But I just wanted to say something along the lines of “hey. I could see you didnt feel like speaking yesterday. Which is fine. I understand. but I really can’t engage in casual intimacy now or ever. I’m not what sort of woman and I know im partly to blame for flirting. But the circles aren’t conducive”

tbkughts

'The circles aren't conducive' sounds utterly preposterous, pompous and faux intelligent. I mean seriously wtf does that actually mean?!

'I don't want to sleep with you.'
That's all you need say. If that.

He doesn't have any control and you don't owe him an explanation or anything else.

It is odd to engage in sexual texting from the outset and messing around on the back seat of a car if you're not looking for something casual. It's not wrong but, as others have said, you have sent some pretty confusing messages. That said, at uni, there was a male friend who I had various kissing sessions with hoping it would come to something more but it never did (I subsequently discovered there were a few of us in the same boat!).

But anyway, you're clear about what you want now - which is something more serious than casual. It's fine for you to want that and good that you're not willing to settle for less.

In your shoes, I would not send the text. Behaviour is communication. You've told him you're not offering sex. If he wanted to date you, he could ask you out. He hasn't done that. That tells you what you need to know.

Yeah that ship has sailed now, OP. Sounds like he's been teeing you up for a shag and when he finally thought he was going to get one, you shut it down. Nothing wrong with that of course, but if that was all he was ever interested in, he won't be interested now. If he wanted something more serious, he would be asking you out or trying to continue the convo. Don't send the text, you're just stating the obvious and you will kick yourself later down the line.

He doesn’t sound like much of a catch and it’s good you found that out before you slept with him.

You can do better than this man. Ignore him and don’t even bother acknowledging him.

I’m missing the point here, but how would you ‘frequent’ somewhere irregularly or not often?

And I don’t understand what the comment about circles not being conducive means.

Just don’t send the text. It is not going to achieve anything.

Im not clear on what you want OP so he has no chance.

You talk and engage in sex text.

You flirt and youve kissed+ and then you said no i dont want sex (im not clear if you meant not now, not in the car or not at all)

Hes then left you alone (good imo when he heard no thank you)

Then youve approached him and hes said hed like to see you that night or the next day and you've said "your not coming to mine for sex" and it wasnt until after he said he fancied you.

Like what do you want because you seem to keep saying no, while acting try harder.

Do you want to end this situationship? In which case just leave him alone, he seems alright at taking the hint. Or do you want to be with him properly? In which case say look i dont think casual is for me but if you fancy going out properly some time...?

Sounds to me like youre attached, have worried he only wants sex so youre saying no but are really just hoping he will ask to be your BF?

But if its over i wouldnt say anything and let the drama end. You dont need to say the boundary because everytime youve said I dont want sex hes rightly left you alone

You don't need to get anything off your chest. You will look desperate. Trust me, you will regret sending him a message some day because guys like this don't care. They like the ego boost. He's not that into you. Just be blandly polite to him going forward.

Don’t send him a single word. He has made it very obvious that it’s just about sex for him. You saying you want a relationship before you sleep with anyone will just egg him on to make you believe he wants that too. Soon he will get you into bed and then he will vanish straight after. This guy is not relationship material.

Stop engaging with him.
Problem solved.

He sounds like a sex pest, and I wouldn’t be having anything more to do with him.

Is this not the 3rd time you've posted about this same guy/gym situation? Does it need so many threads? Just let it go.

Whether we like it or not, human beings are sex machines.

Sending a message will not make him be the way you want him to be. He won't think....Oh My, Op is right I'm totally changing....He will probably be laughing at you. Don't Doooo it.

OP, you've posted loads of times about this man from your gym. You've been incredibly naive from the start. It's been so, so obvious that he has zero interest in a relationship with you. He wants sex and he's been chasing you for that reason, and you've been pandering to it up until now continuing to indulge him with the texts etc.

Then you act surprised when he makes a move towards sex, despite him making it very clear to pretty much from day one that sex is what he wants.

You don't need to send him a message. He isn't going to think 'Oh, she doesn't want a casual relationship - I'd better change my ways and make this serious, then'. He's already made it very clear what he wants and you've made it clear that's not what you want when you refused to take it any further in the car.

Just let it go and god's sake, stop flirting and texting with him when you've got no intention of giving him what he wants. Have some dignity and move on. No need to send him angsty messages about what you do and don't want. Just ignore his texts (or block them) and stop flirting with him.