Not knowing if I have herpes or not?

[polkadelo]

Hi all,

I’m feeling fragile and would appreciate some advice. Long story short is I’m in my late twenties and I’m dating someone new who is just amazing. I care about him a lot and genuinely believe this could be the guy I end up with.

I have suffered with health anxiety in the past and recently it’s started to resurface a little. About 7 months ago I noticed a small blister like spot on my vulva which at the time I didn’t think much of. It was at the end of my period and it wasn’t painful, a bit itchy and I put it down to irritation from my pad (I get quite long periods so often have to wear pads for 6/7 days).

Anyway last week this same spot has reappeared in the same circumstances and after a deep dive on Google I’m worried that this could be HSV (herpes). Some symptoms match and some don’t. I spoke to a sexual health clinic and they told me unless I have an active spot/blister they cannot swab me and blood tests are notoriously inaccurate so are not offered in the UK. The clinic advised that I try not to worry and if it comes back to get an appointment straight away for swabbing to be done.

In the meantime I don’t know what to do. My partner and I always use condoms as our form of contraception but I know condoms don’t 100% prevent the risk of passing on the virus. I want to be open with him about my fears but I also don’t want to unnecessarily tell him I might have something if I don’t actually know. I can’t get it out of my head though and I feel guilty not saying anything and thinking imagine if I do have something and pass it to him without knowing.

It’s so frustrating considering the majority of the population carry this virus one way or another (either on the mouth or down there) and I’m getting into a state but I’m just trying to do the right thing. If the spot doesn’t return for months (or ever?) I might never truly know what my status is. How do I navigate that uncertainty and would you mention this to a partner or wait for something more concrete?

Thanks in advance!

Anyone? I’m less asking the likelihood of HSV and more wanting to know people’s thoughts on how to navigate this with my new partner…

You would know if it was herpes. The first outbreak is the worst and very painful. Trust me when I tell u the pain is like no other.

I can second this ! It isvery hard to pass it on if you have no active sores although the virus can shed for 5 days prior to symptoms .

It might just be a friction blister if you’re having a lot of sex, depends where it is, i had a partner once who had quite a large clit and she used to get something similar. Can’t you get your doctor to put your mind at rest?

Try not to worry and if you get another blister, have it swabbed as a priority. The first outbreak is the worst but you don't always get lots of painful blisters contrary to popular beliefs if it is HSV1. Have you had any fever, confusion or disorientation? That's common as the virus establishes itself in your body. A bit like a bad hangover!if you do have it, religiously take L-Lysine.

Thank you for your reply. I have heard this but have done some research and seen that some people have no symptoms at all or very mild symptoms which is making me question whether it could be the case for me

Come on now lass - 7 months and you haven't been tested or looked at ?

Why not pop to your local sexual health clinic so you can find out? It will probably take less time than to read all the replies that will come through on here, none of which can give you a definitive answer!

Did you read my post? I’ve been told by medical professionals that I cannot be tested unless an active spot is there. Which I did not have reappear for 7 months… there is no further testing I can currently do.

I have to disagree with this I’m afraid. The majority of adults with genital herpes either don’t get symptoms or get them mild enough that they don’t notice.

I’d go to the GP for peace of mind OP, but I have to say if I had what you’re describing I’m not sure I’d ever think to pay it any attention.

As I’ve already replied to a similar post below, I’ve spoken to the clinic and they have told me there is no test that can be done without a visible spot/sore which I do not currently have.

Of course if it reappears I will go straight away but I’m more asking for advice on how to handle this with my partner in the mean time.

But you said that you noticed a spot last week?

Correct. I noticed it last week and that was what made me connect the dots to the one I had 7 months ago and do some Googling. I rang the clinic a couple of days later but by this point the spot was barely visible anymore and had pretty much healed - that’s when they advised I needed to come in straight away if it happens again, hence where I’m at now.

I would get a smear. My first thought is that it might be HPV. Get tested for HPV if you’ve not been vaccinated. Also go to your local GUM clinic and get tested for Herpes.

You can have a totally normal, healthy, happy sex life and family life and life in general above all, even if you are diagnosed with one or the other.
Fuck fear. Fuck shame. Fuck anxiety. Go forth, love and respect your body and health, and get tested for both. And if the outcome is a diagnosis, you will live a happy, healthy life while nurturing your body’s needs. Keep your immune system up, always, in life.

Thank you for your reply.

I’ve also read it’s very common to have no symptoms or very mild symptoms. I’m in two minds about whether I should warn my partner of this or whether I’m unnecessarily worrying about something that as you say, probably most people wouldn’t. I want to be as open and transparent as possible but I also don’t currently have all the answers so don’t want to frighten him more than is needed…

I think the right thing to do is to warn him and tell him there might be a chance that you have the virus and explain what you have here.

Thanks for your positivity! I had a smear test done in June and it was completely clear so I’m quite confident on that front.

This is what my heart is telling me. However I’m also aware that me telling him I ‘might’ have something but may never know is probably not the most helpful. If I was to find out I had HSV I’d want to make sure I could explain it to him fully, the risks etc so he could make an informed decision about how he feels moving forward. But being unsure means I can’t really give him the certainty of data and facts etc.

It’s also really hard for me because of my history with health anxiety not to spiral and always think the worst in these situations so I’m trying to also think rationally about what a ‘normal’ person would do and not someone with my anxious brain if that makes sense 😂

It’s probably nothing. So don’t tell him. Wait to see if it comes back and get tested. You’re not infectious if there’s no spot. And you use condoms anyway. Try to reassure yourself and don’t spiral.

Not necessarily if it's type one which that sounds like. My first outbreak of type one sounds just like OP's description.
OP do you think you caught it from him or a previous partner?

Why wouldn't you just say to your partner that you've experienced a small spot, it is probably nothing, but if it reappears you will get it checked out. That is the factual reality of the situation. By letting your partner know you are keeping them informed and then they can make their own informed decision about what they feel comfortable with too.

It is only the possibility of herpes in your imagination at this stage, it could just as easily be an infected hair follicle or small irritation from pad chaffing etc.

I had these symptoms before I met my current partner. My ex did have a cold sore once towards the end of our 4 year relationship but we avoided contact all together during this time and my symptoms appeared before this (I know he could have shed the virus without an active sore). From my research this seems to be the annoying thing about HSV, you can’t reliably trace back when or where you were possibly infected as it’s so common and often lays dormant!

I think this is the route I’ll go down as I want to be honest but don’t want to unnecessarily worry him. My anxious brain says if I’ve not reliably informed him of every single possibility/risk then I have something to feel guilty about should he end up getting something from me later down the line, but I know probably not really how I should view the situation…

Ok,
So with every partner I had after I was diagnosed I would ask if he had ever had cold sores and without exception the answer was yes. I then confirmed to them that I also carried the virus without specifying where it was. Because I had been confirmed type one I just used aciclovir and avoided sex if I ever had an outbreak, until I was with my DH when I told him that I have it genitally not orally which didn't bother him because he understood I didn't put him at risk of anything.

I read your post . You had one 7 months ago which you did nothing about. You had a second one a few weeks ago - again you did nothing ? Third time lucky ?