Not knowing if I have herpes or not?

[polkadelo]

Hi all,

I’m feeling fragile and would appreciate some advice. Long story short is I’m in my late twenties and I’m dating someone new who is just amazing. I care about him a lot and genuinely believe this could be the guy I end up with.

I have suffered with health anxiety in the past and recently it’s started to resurface a little. About 7 months ago I noticed a small blister like spot on my vulva which at the time I didn’t think much of. It was at the end of my period and it wasn’t painful, a bit itchy and I put it down to irritation from my pad (I get quite long periods so often have to wear pads for 6/7 days).

Anyway last week this same spot has reappeared in the same circumstances and after a deep dive on Google I’m worried that this could be HSV (herpes). Some symptoms match and some don’t. I spoke to a sexual health clinic and they told me unless I have an active spot/blister they cannot swab me and blood tests are notoriously inaccurate so are not offered in the UK. The clinic advised that I try not to worry and if it comes back to get an appointment straight away for swabbing to be done.

In the meantime I don’t know what to do. My partner and I always use condoms as our form of contraception but I know condoms don’t 100% prevent the risk of passing on the virus. I want to be open with him about my fears but I also don’t want to unnecessarily tell him I might have something if I don’t actually know. I can’t get it out of my head though and I feel guilty not saying anything and thinking imagine if I do have something and pass it to him without knowing.

It’s so frustrating considering the majority of the population carry this virus one way or another (either on the mouth or down there) and I’m getting into a state but I’m just trying to do the right thing. If the spot doesn’t return for months (or ever?) I might never truly know what my status is. How do I navigate that uncertainty and would you mention this to a partner or wait for something more concrete?

Thanks in advance!

A few days later 🤷‍♀️ these clinics are walk in you know. Irresponsible.

Not all are 'walk in' Had to wait 5 days to get an appointment

This was also my experience as even when I did phone they said it can take a few days to get an appointment!

OP you seem super concerned that your partner shouldn't get worried "unnecessarily". You also want to be able to explain it to him fully so he can make an informed decision about how he feels moving forward. Why are you shouldering all the responsibility here? You're having sex with a guy, so anything that arises healthwise is 100 percent a mutual concern. This is not your herpes worry, it's both of yours. Tell him what you know, even if it's inconclusive. Share your concerns with him; you don't need to protect him or keep him happy (and ignorant) while you do all the worrying. You sound pretty switched on about it; for the great majority of people it's not the disaster it's so often made out to be by irresponsible journalists. If he hasn't got his head around it as much as you have, he needs to.

I highly doubt it is if it’s only one spot. Usually the first outbreak is quite dramatic.

@Kokonimater you absolutely can still pass it on even if there is no spot/blister present

No it's not if it's type one

If this man is potentially the one then start your relationship by being honest with him about this. Tell him you had a little spot last week and it's gone. He'll likely not give it a second thought. You've made the herpes connection based really on nothing. He probably won't do the same.

Try not to worry and stop googling symptoms.

I'm surprised by the number of people who think that a partner will not give it a second thought if she tells him she had a little spot on her bits .

To suspect you have herpes and not the person you are potentially putting at risk is unforgivable
if anyone did that to me I’d never get past it

Firstly, it’s really not clear that it is HSV that has caused this but in the event that it has, would you feel the same way about a partner who has ever had a cold sore? Because if so, that’s approx 70% of the population that you’d be wanting to avoid…

I haven’t knowingly put anyone at risk, as soon as I’ve done this research/had this advice I’ve been thinking of how to discuss with my partner and I haven’t seen him or had sexual contact with him since.

Stop it bottom line is you suspect you have genital herpes or you wouldn’t of started a thread about it
to not tell the person you are putting at risk is disgusting

yes herpes and cold sore are the same virus but there’s a world of difference between having a cold sore and genital herpes

But you suspected 7 months ago and he is a new partner ? 🤷‍♀️

What's the difference? (Rhetorical q, there isn't a difference although by that I mean cold sores can be really fucking nasty,)

Assuming the op is an ethics ai farming thing

I wouldn't bother thinking about it further, ai

I genuinely don’t understand how there is a ‘world of difference’. Can you explain your reasoning? Genuinely curious. Does having genital herpes lead to a potentially deadly disease that I’m unaware of? I have suffered with both facial and genital herpes and wouldn’t dream of kissing/having sex with anyone during an outbreak. But why is it ok not to tell someone I have facial cold sores but DISGUSTING if I didn’t tell someone I’d previously had genital herpes. Just because it’s in my genital area? As it stands, I’ve always shared this information, from the off, because I’m not ashamed of it. If it’s a dealbreaker to someone then that’s entirely their prerogative. Presumably, whoever passed it on to me either knew, and didn’t tell me, or had no idea themselves. It’s just one of those things. Not pleasant, but it’s not going to kill me. If anything, I’m more upset about whoever gave me the facial virus as a child. I used to suffer horrendous outbreaks and my lips were a blistered mess. At least no one can see my fanny…

Herpes is incredibly common. It’s also possible to have either HSV1 or 2 genitally (traditionally one was oral and one genital).
I can remember visiting a GU clinic in the early 90’s and the doctor commenting that they were seeing far more HSV 1 genitally.
They put it down to the increase in oral sex after the advent of HIV.
There really shouldn’t be any shame around this, but there still is. I’ve had HSV2 to varying degrees for over 25 years. Couldn’t tell you where I got it, although I suspect previous partner infidelity.
You should be honest with your partner.
Try and get it swabbed or at least take a photo of it and keep notes of when it occurs. You can take aycyclovir for outbreaks and also Zovirax cream is good for soothing the soreness.
It’s often aggravated by nervous reactions (emotional stress etc) so if it does end up being one of the HSV viruses the best thing you can do for yourself is to Look after your mental and physical health.

Just read whole thread and seen post about L-Lysine. Does this really help? And what is the dose? Mine got worse in menopause and is triggered by anxiety/emotional upset. Avoiding my family seems to help!

Sounds less like herpes and more like a Bartholin's cyst.

I get them a few times a year. Painful but they go away on their own after about a week.

When they are both type one then no, there is no difference at all apart from which body part is affected.

Why do you say that? It sounds exactly like herpes type one

For me at least - and for lots of people, I imagine - where one gets painful, suppurating sores is a very big deal. Of course, that means that people should be just as concerned about their partner having oral herpes as genital, as oral sex means the possibility of contracting it genitally if they don't already have that strain orally themselves.

Generally, I think people should always tell others if they carry an infectious, incurable disease that can cause frequent, painful sores. It's just good manners.

In the case of the OP, I think just being honest as pp have mentioned is enough. Just that you've had a sore but don't know what it was, as it went away before you could test. I imagine it won't be a big deal.

I get them vaginally and honestly I would much prefer that to getting them on my face. Nobody knows when I have one, and on the face they look absolutely disgusting. There is such a weird stigma about getting something on the genitals as opposed to the face and I genuinely don't get it.

HSV1 on genitals tends to recur much less frequently that HSV1 on the face.

DH has it on his face and gets cold sores two or three times a year.
I have it on my genitals. Only had two outbreaks in 20 years - the first outbreak was annoying for a few days and the second I barely noticed. Haven't had an outbreak for 10 year now.

The stigma is the worse thing and not letting that get to you is the very best thing.

Luckily when I was diagnosed I saw a brilliant medic who told me it is a common as the cold and that she and her mother both have it. I owe that woman a medal for making me feel ok and hope this post makes other people relax about something that's just part of what it is to be human.

Yep and my blisters are actually tiny and more annoying than anything else, whereas ones on the face tend to be quite large and crusty. Give me fanny herpes over face any day (type one not type two I mean!)