Not knowing if I have herpes or not?

[polkadelo]

Hi all,

I’m feeling fragile and would appreciate some advice. Long story short is I’m in my late twenties and I’m dating someone new who is just amazing. I care about him a lot and genuinely believe this could be the guy I end up with.

I have suffered with health anxiety in the past and recently it’s started to resurface a little. About 7 months ago I noticed a small blister like spot on my vulva which at the time I didn’t think much of. It was at the end of my period and it wasn’t painful, a bit itchy and I put it down to irritation from my pad (I get quite long periods so often have to wear pads for 6/7 days).

Anyway last week this same spot has reappeared in the same circumstances and after a deep dive on Google I’m worried that this could be HSV (herpes). Some symptoms match and some don’t. I spoke to a sexual health clinic and they told me unless I have an active spot/blister they cannot swab me and blood tests are notoriously inaccurate so are not offered in the UK. The clinic advised that I try not to worry and if it comes back to get an appointment straight away for swabbing to be done.

In the meantime I don’t know what to do. My partner and I always use condoms as our form of contraception but I know condoms don’t 100% prevent the risk of passing on the virus. I want to be open with him about my fears but I also don’t want to unnecessarily tell him I might have something if I don’t actually know. I can’t get it out of my head though and I feel guilty not saying anything and thinking imagine if I do have something and pass it to him without knowing.

It’s so frustrating considering the majority of the population carry this virus one way or another (either on the mouth or down there) and I’m getting into a state but I’m just trying to do the right thing. If the spot doesn’t return for months (or ever?) I might never truly know what my status is. How do I navigate that uncertainty and would you mention this to a partner or wait for something more concrete?

Thanks in advance!

Like I said, I think a lot of people would prefer to get sores on their lip, and not on their very sensitive vulva. I'm not sure it's so much stigma necessarily, as not wanting to have painful sores on a place that's much more sensitive, and should be capable of bringing pleasure, not pain.

Especially as people don't always know what strain they have, and don't know how (in)frequently or severe the outbreaks will be.

Genital herpes isn't always on your vulva, it can be on your buttocks or thighs, anywhere in that region.

Yes, and oral herpes can be other places than the mouth too, but outbreaks do tend to be either on the vulva, or the lip. I imagine thigh would be much less unpleasant than vulval though!

If it was a flare up last week, unlikely it would be completely gone in a couple of days. Normally take a week or two.

Agree with this.

It can also travel as it travels through nerve bundles, so for example, mine started off as infrequent single sores on my vulva, maybe once every few years,
then as I hit my later 30’s (peri) it started appearing on my buttocks always in one of two places and was more frequent after emotional stress (lot of that around then coming from all angles) and as I was working, I had less chance to recover properly.

now I am retired and post meno and on HRT and have largely sorted my diet and Microbiome and cut out the sources of stress it’s far less frequent.

I spoke to a specialist consultant about it a few years back and he did say that it’s a nervous disease and the best way to reduce attacks, apart from staying reasonably fit, is to calm your nervous system in whatever way works for you.

My sister and mother both get oral cold sores and sister got it on her inner wrist for years.
Eventually she worked out a way to visualise it travelling back up her arm. Sounds a bit whacko but whatever she did it seemed to make them go faster.

when I get attacks now (I’m down to 4-6 a year and it appears at the base of my spine//top of buttocks) I often find I am inexplicably wiped out a few days and think I’m coming down with cold or flu then I get the tingle…. and am quite often stuck in bed with exhaustion during the attack where the sores are appearing.
Once they’ve appeared I feel a lot better and my energy is back.
I cover them with a specialist water proof plaster so I don’t inadvertently scratch them in my sleep, plus it makes wearing clothes less painful, and I change the plaster every few days and it’s they’ve usually scabbed over after a week, but I leave then covered for another few days as they still tend to itch for a while and scratching them can set it all off again.

Im interested in the mention of L Lysine - did a bit of reading. It seems like my diet has plenty of this and not much Argenine which the thing that encourages HSV, so not sure it would help much.

Bartholins cyst is very different ( went through a phase of getting those too, nasty fuckers!), it’s a cyst and the pain is very different. Herpes sores are more like a flat blister that goes yellow, dries up and scabs over and they are insanely itchy and sting like hell whether you are touching them or not.

I always found it worse on buttocks as it hurts to sit down. That’s when I got in to large waterproof medical dressings for comfort, plus they are.almost impossible to remove by scratching or rubbing against clothes. The comedy angle is that husband has to put them on because I can’t see to do it. As I often remark to him, I bet he didn’t think he’d be doing this to me 25 years ago !

Op, I was convinced I had this when I had a rash down there. I did a very, very deep dive into it and from what I have read, the first outbreak you have is ugly.. very painful and you can't pee properly because of the pain. I worked myself up so much, I was even imagining the nerve pain and prodome. Went and got them swabbed - fell off my chair when she told me it was negative.

I really don't believe you have this. I think you would definitely know.

The first thing to do is be checked. You don't know you have herpes until you have a diagnosis. Phone your doctor and ask if he or she will swab for herpes or maybe a nurse will do it at one of their clinics; whichever, you must do this. You could be worrying for nothing.

Good luck.

This is just not the case for herpes type one. Type two is very different and much worse.

She's already said that this isn't possible unless you have an active blister!

@SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes err, yes it is! Both initial outbreaks are horrific. Both type 1 and type 2. Type 1 is less severe on your genitals after the first outbreak and occurs much less frequently than type 2 but both first outbreaks can be bad.

Oh yes, that would be nasty 😬 I hope you don't get outbreaks too often. Lol, good work to your DH, tending to you though. It does say in sickness and in health!

Can be maybe but not universally! I have type one (confirmed by swab) and it was nothing like you described, I have two other friends who had similar to me.