Thoughts on a threesome in marriage??

[Laalaalala]

Hi

my husband really wants a threesome, with another man for me.

I am really against it mainly because I believe when you are married you do not go near someone else. I also think it may eventually damage the marriage. He thinks it won’t and it is normal and a lot of people do it. Fine - each to their own I have no problem but I don’t think it is something I personally want to do.

he isn’t pressuring me or pushing me so it won’t happen. I guess I just need to go over my options to consider it which I said I would do. I am also very shy and traditional too so not sure whether that is hindering me to being open to the idea. Thoughts please?

Surely if you don’t want to do it that’s the end of the conversation? He doesn’t have any more say over it happening than you do.

Has he said why he wants a man? Don't do it if you feel uncomfortable about it.

Please don't do it if you don't want to, it could ruin your marriage and your health and wellbeing x

Is he bisexual or just a voyeur? No harm in either, of course, but if you're not into it then just say No. I think it's a bit disingenuous for him to say it's for you though, when clearly it isn't, it's for him!

There is no place for it in any marriage. If he's not sexually satisfied by the intimacy between you, then he needs to address that via sexual therapy together with a professional.

Not finding some random on a cheating app.

You have every right to say no to protect your health.

You dont want to, hes totally out of line for pushing this.

My ex wanted this, he’s my ex!

men (usually men) will use all kinds of pressure to make things sound as if it’s you not wanting to be “adventurous” or exciting but it’s just fine to be you. Don’t be pressured into anything

You don’t want to do it, end of story. You don’t need to consider anything at all. Go with your instincts and be clear about it. Your answer is no.

Are you sure it's not for him? Either way you're not being unreasonable and he's out of line.

I was just wondering what the DH's reaction would be if the OP said 'Great, I've always wanted to see two men having sex. You first.'

You don’t want to, that’s the end of it.

You got married to someone you love and now you don’t want to shag another random man? And you’re the one trying to figure out what’s stopping you, like you’re being uptight and a problem?

i dunno really, you don’t wanna shag someone else. There’s not really much more to discuss is there. Seems reasonable to me. Is he likely to let it go, or be able to live with that for the rest of his life?

Afterwards he would probably use it against you forever. I can't believe you did that... You really enjoyed that... Is that what you do with all your men.. Or it will be an excuse for him to have sex with other women, my turn now...

And you don't even want to. Just say no, no way, I don't want anything to do with other men.

He has to much free time on his hands - probably watching porn.. Assign more household duties to him. I’d also make sure Im in full control of my finances in your shoes- he sees you as a commodity to use.

We have had some threesomes (different combinations). It's fine and something that we both wanted. Nothing wrong with it if both parties are aligned.
You are not so the topic should be off the table. No need shaming him unless he brings it up again and tries to put pressure on you.

thank you all for your replies.
yes he wants one, he isn’t BI but says he would like to see me with another man. I have no desire to see him with another female so would never be the other way round I am too jealous.
I don’t think he would hold it against me in future, if anything I know he would ask for more which if I did do it would be a one off. But again I don’t think I will do it because I can’t get my head around it, I think once married that’s it as in no other person for life and I am ok with that.
I said I would consider it but I don’t think it will happen.
part of me thinks there is a potential to ruin a marriage. He would want another down the line.
i am very traditional in my views and maybe that’s why I can’t wrap my head around it. He seems to think it’s normal and a lot of couples do it and are fine but I don’t believe him. He is from a different country and culture and I think maybe their views/experiences of sex are different to mine. As in sex isn’t a big deal there from what he has told me but to me it is.
I am just wanting to discuss really as it’s not something I can discuss with friends or family. Again it is very unlikely to happen as I can’t change my mind or views on it

If you’re ’really against it’ then that’s the end of the conversation, surely? I don’t see what there is to think about or discuss. You’ve given him your answer and he now needs to never mention it again. If he can’t survive without this specific kink then he’ll have to leave the relationship and find a different partnership.

@Laalaalala How long have you been married? If this is something that he's keen on I would have expected this topic to have come up a long time ago.

If you don’t want to do it then you shouldn’t do it.
If you are questioning if you would enjoy it, you could suggest exploring things in your marriage first, such as watching porn together. Either men, women or a threesome.
I really enjoy porn with my husband on occasion and enjoy his reaction to it. I wouldn’t want to do anything else in reality and so that’s where it stops, but it’s something you could explore together, ONLY if it’s something you want to do of course.

Say NO!

but says he would like to see me with another man.

Why would he? have you asked him that?

I can't think of a country where sex is no big deal?

NGL, this 'but says he would like to see me with another man' sound a bit like handing his property over for someone else to use.

I don't think loads of couples do it, some do but the few I've known who have, aren't together any more. One woman I know had a threesome with her husband and his best friend (husband was pushing her to do it) and ended up leaving him to be with his friend!

If you don't want to, you say no and tell him that's the end of it. In my experience it never leads to anything good.

Is it because he wants to shag other women do you think and if he introduces a man to you first that you can’t object because you did it?
Men’s brains are in their pants after all.. do not do anything to please him op it’s your body..if you go along with it for his sake that won’t be the end of it and how will you feel mentally afterwards?