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Original poster

Thoughts on a threesome in marriage??

61 replies

Laalaalala · 05/10/2026 12:39

Hi

my husband really wants a threesome, with another man for me.

I am really against it mainly because I believe when you are married you do not go near someone else. I also think it may eventually damage the marriage. He thinks it won’t and it is normal and a lot of people do it. Fine - each to their own I have no problem but I don’t think it is something I personally want to do.

he isn’t pressuring me or pushing me so it won’t happen. I guess I just need to go over my options to consider it which I said I would do. I am also very shy and traditional too so not sure whether that is hindering me to being open to the idea. Thoughts please?

OP posts:
Original poster
Laalaalala · 05/10/2026 13:55

I did wonder if he thinks the first time would be with a man then next time a woman for him etc.
but he knows I would never ever agree to him being with another woman even in a theeesome situation. I am far too jealous
i wont be doing it. I just wanted to get other people’s views and opinions. And you are right - essentially it is for him because I don’t want it which is why I will not change my mind. I wouldn’t do it for him.

OP posts:
AltitudeCheck · 05/10/2026 14:01

No judgement of people who do enjoy swinging and couples who both want it and genuinely consent but unless you consistently, actively and enthusiastically want this for yourself please don't do it just to please someone else.

Have a listen to this www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0nqywd0?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Episode 2 talks about consent Vs coersion. I found the bits on social coercion v interesting, how something starts to feel 'normal' when you surround yourself with people who are doing it or have a partner who constantly talks about something and how you start to feel abnormal if you aren't into it. How being sexually liberated is presented as an aspiration, and how it might lead you to think you should want something/ how you might try to want something/ agree to try something and end up having sex you don't genuinely want.

AnonAnonmystery · 05/10/2026 14:09

Lots of people do not have threesomes and you are spot on why you don’t want to do it. And also the fact you don’t want to do it without any reasons is valid!

Notonmyland · 05/10/2026 14:37

Get him a mirror for the bedroom.

Has he asked more than once? Each time would feel like a nail in the marriage's coffin.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 05/10/2026 15:09

Not being funny but the idea of shagging two men at the same time makes me feel unwell even if they were both 10s. I would consider it if it was another woman as I genuinely think I could get down with that, but two blokes repulses me idk why.

Sounds like he’s been on the porn and this is the thin end of the wedge for something else like cucking. The fact he’s pushing after you expressed you weren’t into it isn’t great either mate..

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 05/10/2026 15:11

Also “lots of people do it”… they don’t. Lots of people do it in porn, and swingers do it, but I think that’s a tiny fraction of the population.

daisyydaisyy · 05/10/2026 15:24

I would absolutely not be having threesomes.

I had one with an ex boyfriend and my lesbian friend. He left me for her and now they have a daughter together. I’m against them in relationships and marriages. If you don’t want to do this then please don’t.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 05/10/2026 15:27

Doesnt matter whether a lot of people do it or not, YOU don't want to so say no

Kayakerpaddleboarderwalker · 05/10/2026 18:46

Personally, if my husband suggested a threesome with another man for me, he would be my ex. Any man that can offer up his wife to another guy for his own sexual gratification has, in my opinion, crossed a line in a marriage that signals it's over. Most people would be absolutely gutted and devastated to learn their spouse had cheated or been with someone else. Their imagination would be torturing them. But, he is actively suggesting he wants you to do that and watch too. It's gross and speaks volumes to the depth of his feelings for you.

MarilynMerlot · 05/10/2026 19:06

I would tell him no and then bluntly if he keeps asking that there’s a name for men who try and pressure women into having sex they don’t want to. Fucking done with sexual manipulators making up half the planet.

tanoshi · 06/10/2026 06:32

A friend said to her H when this came up in a similar conversation. Oh yes, can he be younger, slimmer, fitter, good looking, intelligent, have a great personality and have a huge cock. Apparently it hasn't been mentioned again.

Don't be coerced OP.

Scotflyer54 · 06/10/2026 06:50

Simply say to him NO not under any circumstances. If he persists than maybe you have to make a decision?

Greenseawitch · 06/10/2026 08:11

He should drop this once you make it clear that you are not interested.

I wonder if he is using porn and is one of these guys who confuses porn with real life and that he should be doing what he sees on screen...

I think you should be concerned if he keeps pushing you to involve other people in your sex life and I would reconsider the relationship over this.

Honestly now that I am older and a bit wiser I would end this relationship in your shoes as I now have zero tolerance for men and their porn-addled brains. It sounds like it would have been obvious to him that this is not something you would have any interest in and still he decided to suggest it, so the lack of respect would be enough for me.

ThatCyanCat · 06/10/2026 08:57

my husband really wants a threesome, with another man for me.

I am really against it

Why is that not the end of it, then?

JT1999 · 06/10/2026 09:31

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 05/10/2026 15:09

Not being funny but the idea of shagging two men at the same time makes me feel unwell even if they were both 10s. I would consider it if it was another woman as I genuinely think I could get down with that, but two blokes repulses me idk why.

Sounds like he’s been on the porn and this is the thin end of the wedge for something else like cucking. The fact he’s pushing after you expressed you weren’t into it isn’t great either mate..

This made me laugh, totally with you on the thought of being with two men at the same time. I'd hate to be the centre of attention like that and if I wasn't the centre of attention and they were into each other, that might be even worse! 😂

FWIW me & my hubby had a threesome a few years ago with another woman, before we were married and living together. It was absolutely fantastic but it was sex-as-entertainment, its not the same as sex with someone you're in love with. It was something I had wanted for a long time, I enjoyed letting him see that side of me and I'm very glad we did it, he wasn't against it but definitely had reservations, I think what swung him was wanting to see me happy, ticking something off the bucket list. We talk about it occasionally but its not something I'm looking to repeat any time soon, it feels like we're in a different place now we are married and have a 5 month old daughter.

Scrambledomelette · 06/10/2026 09:35

I'd view this as the beginning of the end. I'd start mapping out your exit.

Thisistyresome · 06/10/2026 10:09

Sounds like a bad idea.

You have no interest so don't.

Yennefer17 · 07/10/2026 21:41

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 05/10/2026 13:12

I was just wondering what the DH's reaction would be if the OP said 'Great, I've always wanted to see two men having sex. You first.'

Show quote history

I always say that when this question appears as I really want to see two men together. No takers (pun intended) so far..

LeedsLoiner · 07/10/2026 21:43

The obvious answer is “No problem when can your dad make it?”

tiredmummasita · 07/10/2026 21:49

Are you sure he’s not gay lol

seahorsessky · 07/10/2026 22:02

I agree with you-why say those vows if you don't mean them? Sure, adults can legally do whatever they want, but then why marry? Pregnancy to the wrong man, STIs, jealousy, worry about abuse or whether he really wants you long term...no you're not unreasonable. I wouldn't!

Back21970 · 07/10/2026 22:25

I don’t believe a lot of people are doing this and him saying that feels to me like coercion.

I had an Ex who claimed everyone was doing anal and there was something wrong with me for not wanting to - at the time I was young enough to actually believe him and felt guilty.

I’m quite open minded but even the thought of a threesome in a committed relationship makes me feel quite sick unless both partners are 100% up
for it.

Please don’t feel pressured to do anything sexually you are not comfortable with.

Sunbringer · 08/10/2026 08:08

You dont want to and thats that.

Sunbringer · 08/10/2026 08:12

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 05/10/2026 15:09

Not being funny but the idea of shagging two men at the same time makes me feel unwell even if they were both 10s. I would consider it if it was another woman as I genuinely think I could get down with that, but two blokes repulses me idk why.

Sounds like he’s been on the porn and this is the thin end of the wedge for something else like cucking. The fact he’s pushing after you expressed you weren’t into it isn’t great either mate..

Probably because at least another woman would be thinking of you and trying to be sensual. Two blokes would either be rutting each other… or they’d both be using you up, scragging you around like a piece of meat between wolves. Hardly a nice experience.

Didimum · 08/10/2026 08:22

Why is the person who is supposed to love and care for you most in the world trying to emotionally harm you for the purpose of his sexual fetishes?

You need to answer that question. And, quite frankly, I don’t see any acceptable answer that doesn’t warrant ending the relationship.