Feel caught between friend and boyfriend

[Grtscott]

I have been with my boyfriend Bill 18 months.

I have been loose friends with Mel and Bill for over 10 years.

Mel's DD Sue has been dating Bill's son Ben for just over a year. They are 17.

Since Mel's seperation, I've been spending more time with her. Last week, she told me a few things that Ben had spoken to her about regarding Bill. She's also told me about the plans Ben and Sue have for holidays this month. Mel acknowledged she needs to speak to Bill about these things.

She's been loose friends with Bill longer than I have, but again, her seperation meant the 3 of us have been out more in group settings than before, so they're now closer too.

I'm now in this weird position where i know things about Ben that Bill doesn't. I don't want to betray loyalties to Mel but I think Bill needs to know. I also don't spend much time with Ben, so don't get an opportunity to say to him "have a chat with your dad about..."

I've told Bill that Mel has told me stuff about Ben, and it feels wrong to tell him as it's not my place. Bill is ok with that and understands i feel in the middle. I've asked Mel to talk to Bill asap about these things

It's nothing lifechanging or worrying about Ben. Just information I'd rather Mel told Bill, not me, as i feel i'm keeping secrets from my boyfriend. And i don't like it.

How would you handle in the future if Mel talks more about Ben?

Too early for this

Bill Mel Sue Ben, I lost track

Keep quiet. Your friend confided in you expecting your confidence. It’s not life changing or worrying so it is for Ben to choose when he tells his dad.

You are not caught in the middle of anything - but it sounds like you are desperately trying to be.

This. The end.

What in the, Rita, Sue and Bob too did I just read? Too confusing OP

This is an exercise in reading comprehension. There are too many people separated and the names are too similar. Be more precise about the separations (I assumed Mel and Bill had been partners until I read it three times) and give the kids age appropriate names.

Specify the kind of information you are withholding if you want proper advice. It reads like it's just about your boyfriend's son's holiday plans at the moment which seems like nothing from the outside.

i think you’re overthinking this. She’s not told you anything concerning or earth shattering has she? Just let it be.

I find it really hard to read "my friend, my boyfriend, my boyfriends sons girlfriend..."

We're all different, aren't we? Can't please everyone @ThatCosy

Desperate. Wow!

No. It's just uncomfortable to know things about my boyfriend's son that my boyfriend doesn't know.

If someone else was Sue's boyfriend, I'd have chatted to my boyfriend about the conversation as part of our daily chit chat and chat over our thoughts.

When he does chat to me about the situation when he does find out, it'll feel like lying by omission if i don't tell him i already knew at that point.

Sounds like the synopsis of a channel 5 day time drama

Dial down the drama. Your boyfriend is fine with it, your friend will talk to him,, it’s nothing major. Leave it be.

Unless it’s a major concern, like Ben has a heroin habit, I would just forget what I had been told and stay out of it.

Exactly

not She's also told me about the plans Ben and Sue have for holidays this month. 😆

You're wringing your hands over holiday plans?

Have a day off and leave it alone.

I get it - my OH is my best friend and I talk to him about everything so it does feel weird when I don't tell him something for any number of reasons.

However, you're overthinking this. You told your BF that the friend told you something about his son, he understood. That's the end of it...Doesn't sound like he pressed you to tell him and you refused, or that you lied to him. You were open, he accepted it. No drama 🥱

Keep Mel's confidence but tell her you're not comfortable keeping things from Bill and ask her not to tell you things unless you can share them with your partner.

Crikey i’m lost, are Rita, Sue and Bob involved too 🤣 honestly i’d just stay out of it, maybe you just need to get that little message to Ben to get him to speak to his dad, if he doesn’t want to tell his dad then he won’t thank you for interfering.

You don't say what the situation is (which is understandable if it's outing). But if, as you say, it's nothing earth-shattering, I don't think it's too major an issue to say "Well yes, Mel did mention it" if it does come up further down the line. In your shoes, if Bill got all "How could you keep this from me?!" over something very minor, I'd be looking at whether his attitude worked for me.

At the end of the day, within a year these "children" will be adults. And given how few teenage relationships go the distance long term - will it even survive if they go to different unis? - it might be an issue that resolves itself pretty quickly.

If you're really worried, could you say to Mel it puts you in an awkward position if she talks to you about her daughter and Bill's son. It feels a bit OTT, but if you're genuinely concerned, it's a way to tackle it.

Providing it's not a murder, let the flowerpot people sort it out between themselves. Mel said she will talk to Bill, so let her. That's the end isn't it?

I don’t get the holiday plans bit? Who cares what holiday plans someone else has? What did I miss?

As your mate to stop telling you everything her daughters boyfriend tells you. You dint need to know. If she's worried, she can tell him Dad directly

I really don’t think it’s a big deal that you know your boyfriend’s son might be going on a holiday with his girlfriend, when your boyfriend doesn’t yet know. All you need to do when boyfriend mentions it to you is to say oh yes, friend mentioned - sounds like a lovely trip for them. The end

Agree with previous posters that names made it confusing, particularly Sue for a 17 year old girl!

Channel your inner "I know nothing" Manuel.

If it's not worrying or life changing info I don't see the issue. It's like you're just looking for drama. No one needs to know everything about everyone.

Not your secrets to tell. Keep your friend’sconfdence.

"If someone else was Sue's boyfriend, I'd have chatted to my boyfriend about the conversation as part of our daily chit chat and chat over our thoughts"

You'd have chatted to your boyfriend about your friend's daughter's love life? Why? Sounds like a tedious topic.