Closest friend cold about my new relationship in middle age

[narbaric]

I’m perplexed and perhaps you could shine a light on my situation
My closest friend of forty years seems almost cold and completely disinterested about my new relationship.
Im divorced and have a really hard marriage and life generally. My children have AD and out of the blue I met a man some months ago. We’re both mid fifties .
We are together 8/9 months and in a medium distance relationship and are so so happy right now. He has been consistent, kind, loving and everything in between. My children, family, other friends and colleagues are thrilled for me as they know how unlucky I’ve been in love . They really like him also.
My friend however shows no interest when his name is brought up in conversation. She doesn’t ask me how it’s going or anything really. I’m so surprised !
She has met him once and was civil and pleasant but again when he did something really kind and thoughtful for me at a low time , which she observed, she didn’t even comment! This is not the friend I’ve known for forty years.
Her own life is difficult. She has different issues and her marriage seems at this stage to be a convenience but she has spoken about feeling trapped and discontented with little hope for the future happiness.
As a rule, she enjoys company of friends and loves a good night out as an escape but I don’t understand her . I know if I asked her she would. Shut it down.
She doesn’t know him or anything about him from his past which is clean so Im
out of ideas.
What are your thoughts here please?

She’s jealous of your partner, and she’s probably jealous of your weight loss.

She could, if she wanted to, either try to sort out her marriage or leave. She could, if she wanted to, lose weight. She’s done neither and hates that you have.

Quite honestly, I’d fade her out if my life. 😉

“If we do work out we’ll have plenty of time to decode what we want” - what on earth does that mean?!

I imagine she meant to say decide...

This. Are you mentioning him every five minutes when you are talking. I have a friend who is doing this and to be honest it gets a bit boring.

'Her own life is difficult.'

You answered your own question when you wrote the above.

op has said her friend was like this fron the get go, she was never interested in hearing about him. this isn’t normal or some calculated kindness on her friends part. whatever horrible feeling it has brought up in op is intentional. i’d have to have had a brain injury to shut down my friend every time they mentioned their relationship and not realise just how shitty that is. you side stepping her and the unpleasantness isn't going to block her path to happiness in any way. she doesn’t get a little bit more healed everytime she does a mini silent treatment about it.

In the real world, 8/9 months is not “very early” for introductions to children. In MN world of course the two would never meet because it would be too traumatic for the kids and you’d ruin their lives.

Maybe not I just thought a year would be the best time if you know then it will go further or not but I am not in the situation so easy for me to say.

I do not talk about him at all . She doesn’t want to hear anything exciting or good in my life , when I reflect on it now.

She's jealous of your relationship and of your weight loss. It's simple.
It must be very hard for her, because you've unwittingly left her behind.

It's not your fault, and she's clearly struggling.

If that is the case then she brings nothing to your life and maybe it is time to let go of this person from your life.

She’s not your friend I’m afraid. She seemed like she was before because she saw herself as being above you (maybe she felt her shit marriage still trumped your bad luck with dating). She probably also took comfort in the fact that you were also overweight. Now you have a lovely guy whereas she’s stuck with her crap marriage and you’re slim and you’ve shown dedication and commitment in losing the weight. It’s very clear why she’s off with you but your mistake is continuing to think she’s your friend.

I came on intending to say “misery loves company” but the very first post said that too.

She can’t cope with your turn of fortune whilst she’s still stuck in the same old rut.

She's jealous

Sorry to be late to the party.

I have a very strange relationship with a member of my family. She will come from a place of anger if I am doing something that she doesn't agree with, and then maintain that it's because she's 'worried'. It's difficult. I wonder if your friend is the same? So she'll be worried about you getting into another relationship given your past experiences but it will come across negatively?

Just an idea.

Sounds like she thought you would be the eternal divorcee and it suited her because you were worse off. However, you having a relationship, a good one, has shined a light on her crap one. I know a few women like this that dropped the friend when the friend found a new love interest. Misery loves company and all that.

OK, perhaps scrap the above. I guess it's still pertinent, but if she doesn't want to hear anything about you that is positive it doesn't bode well. There does seem to be a degree of jealousy, especially if she's carrying some weight and you no longer do.

(And well done btw)

It seems like she preferred the old you with mutual problems and not the new happy you. This is sad if it's the case because I would be delighted for my best to find a new life and love and want to know more, get to know him, as she woukd have for me.