Please give me some advice - DD’s Bf threatening suicide

[DrowningInSellotape]

I’ve attached his latest messages - should she call the police - she’s been trying to leave him for months and has finally done it thankfully. He’s been emotionally manipulating her for a long time and we know can see he love bombed her at the beginning of the relationship. Should she just ignore?

I think you have a duty of care to report to samaritans at least. Not sure but my first instinct it to do this

ignore and block. he’s not going to kill himself

Block and ignore. Emotional blackmail is disgusting, your poor dd

This is very typical of abusers. It is a form of control. My understanding is that you can ask for the police to do a welfare check. I would recommend calling the police. If this continues, she might want to speak to the NCDV about obtaining a non-molestation order.

It is extremely unlikely that her ex-BF will harm himself but if he does, that is on him. He is not her responsibility. I’m sure you’ve told her that but i just mention it because very occasionally people do harm themselves in these circumstances.

No. The most I would do is perhaps text one of his siblings or a close friend that X may need some support.
Then your dd shoukd block the lot of them and then get herself out of his sphere for a while - go away on a lovely country break where she can think about how to move forward.

If this has been going on for months, you can report it to the police. At least they can check on him, make sure he's safe.
Do you know his parents? Tell them he's having suicidal thoughts (I'm almost certain he isn't, and is just manipulating your daughter).

She certainly shouldn't reply to him. Your poor girl, having to deal with this abusive behaviour 💐.

My leaning is towards what @MyDuvetDayand @Weeellokthenhave said. The image hasn’t been passed by MN but I can summarise

I’d call the police, give them the context/back story and ask about a welfare check.
This achieves two things - if he’s serious (which he isn’t) then you’ve done the right thing and it also shows him you are more than willing to bring the police in should his behaviour escalate further. Hopefully that will be enough for him to back off.

Why hasn’t she blocked him already? If she’s genuinely concerned he’s going to kill himself she needs to report him to the police, then she’s done her bit and whatever happens isn’t her problem.

I’d get the police to do a welfare check however people that threaten suicide don’t normally do it.

Exactly what @Ineedanewsofa said. Reporting this to the police serves more than one purpose.

Adult or teen? Does she have contact details of any of his family who are trustworthy? She could contact them to say he has sent her concerning messages and to check in on him.
İf she's younger, then you could do it on her behalf.

It's an old and fairly common ploy. Thank goodness your daughter had the sense to come to you with this shit. Report to the police and block the him. He won't kill himself.

while I agree that this bloke probably isn’t going to kill himself please be careful repeating the myth that people who threaten suicide normally don’t. They very often do (as my sister did exactly this). I know of many others too.

I’m going slightly against the comments above, but I’d contact either someone in his family or the police. My DD was in an awful, destructive relationship from 16-19, I only found out the levels of coercive control later. He’d threatened suicide and then did take his own life, which was awful for everyone but the guilt my DD suffered still exists now despite her knowing there was nothing she could have done. Obviously many other factors were at play but the aftermath of his death and people blaming her was indescribable. At least if you/she makes someone aware then she’s done what she can to help. I’m sorry you’re both dealing with this.

Thank you, I was just about to post this! My sister's partner threatened suicide and did go through with it. I'd call the police and ask for a welfare check, or alert his family.

He likely won’t, he’s just trying anything to get her back, but I’d be reporting it anyway… then encouraging her to block him. She’s not responsible for him or his mental health.

How old are they? This reads like typically dramatic teen feelings/ behaviour to me rather than conscious manipulation. Even love bombing can just be teenager having their first real relationships and not knowing how to act.

I don’t think anything on that text warrants police (although it wouldn’t be police anymore it’d be ambulance). Assuming they are young and he lives at home, does she have his parents number? If so I’d text them saying he’s sending concerning texts and then I’d tell her to say she isn’t able to help him with this and he needs to reach out to someone for support and then block him. Doesn’t have to be forever if she reckons she wants to stay friends and it feels like to big a step, can just be for a while if it feels like to big an ultimatum for her.

I agree with the majority of posters - police for a welfare check and block his number.

Does he have a decent relationship with either of his parents and does your daughter have their contact details. If so, I would be inclined to contact them. If that’s not possible, I would agree with the Police for a welfare check. This action, rather than her contacting him, will likely deter him from sending the same sort of messages to her in future, but also means he gets help if he needs it.

I don't think that is a suicide threat but if she would feel better about it, report on101 before blocking

I’d be contacting his parents and telling them what he’s doing and asking them to deal with it. If he’s lying he’ll be embarrassed that they know, if he’s not lying they will be the best people to help him.

Ignore him . They’re veiled threats used to manipulate her. If you really want to do something forward them to his parents then cut off all contact .

Tale as old as time particularly when there’s coercive and controlling behaviour. Report to police on 101, tell him not to contact again, and if he does speak to a DA support service. You said she’s been trying to leave him for months and I suspect this is only one of the tactics.

My abusive ex threatened suicide every time I tried to leave him. That was 20+ years ago and he’s still alive and kicking.

If I was your daughter I would contact his parents, another family member or the police, let him know you have done so and that you will now be blocking him. From there do not unblock for any reason ever. Change your number if necessary.