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How do I deal with this?

55 replies

Newgolddream70 · 25/09/2026 13:42

I am so cross - mainly with myself. I divorced ten years ago and have DS11. Apart from a few dates with someone over three years ago, I have been single and although I have missed the company of someone, things have been good. I like my job, colleagues, have a good social life and now a son who has just started secondary so I am pretty busy.

I have an old school friend that I have known for 50 years! He was a year above me. We’ve stayed connected over the years, mainly on socials and have seen each other at various school reunions. I always thought what a lovely guy he was and about two months ago, we started messaging each other and are now in a pretty intense situationship, for want of a better word! I am not sure how this has happened but I am completely crazy about him. I can’t eat or sleep and it feels like pleasure and pain all in one. I can’t actually believe I am in this position. I sense that he is backing off and I am quite angry about it but mainly with myself. My equilibrium has been disturbed after all this time and I am not dealing with it very well. I don’t want to blow up at him or come across as needy - do I challenge him on where he sees this going or do I just back off, get on with my life and if he’s really interested, his actions will show me? We are both in our 50s so I know this sounds pathetic. I feel like I have fallen foul of a love-bomber and I feel like crap. He’s super-intelligent, self-aware and has a high-powered well-paid job, so this is not someone of low intellect (if that makes any difference). I’m a single Mum but earn a lot less. I don’t know why but I’m feeling so insecure and on the back foot.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Newgolddream70 · 28/09/2026 18:58

@ImmortalSnowman I most definitely do not want to entertain breadcrumbing and that is exactly what it is beginning to feel like! I feel stupid :-(

OP posts:
Newgolddream70 · 28/09/2026 18:58

@Imonmyownhere only this thread

OP posts:
PumpkinPieAlibi · 28/09/2026 19:29

Sounds like he's cooled now that he's gotten sex and knows that he was you hooked. The sweet words and proclamations of love come so easy to men who are trying to get easy sex or want the attention and validation of a woman swooning over them. It doesn't mean anything.

Match his energy. Keep yourself busy, don't answer his texts right away, don't be effusive in your messages. And DON'T meet up for sex whenever he wants.

limetrees32 · 28/09/2026 21:12

OP you're not stupid to respond to.affection.and to want it to continue .
Just saying !💐

Newgolddream70 · 28/09/2026 21:51

Thank you! @limetrees32

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