I have had a lucky escape

[NowtWorse]

Met a guy on an app in early June. Divorced with one child with shared living arrangements with ex-wife. All good. He'd broken up with his ex (not ex-wife, he's been with this woman for about 6 years until she walked out last summer 2025. I'm the first person he's been seeing since then.

I'm divorced with one child and moved to a different part of the country after escaping an abusive marriage in 2017. This is the first relationship since for me too after concentrating on my child.

All going very well and happy until the ex turned up screaming and shouting and hammering on the door saying you're seeing someone else. Turns out she's been playing games for months with him until he told her it's over and the house is going on the market in May. We never introduced our children.

She was screaming, called me a slut and a common tart and to get out of her house. To be fair he told her to calm down and go home but the evening was wrecked.

She later broke in and cut some of his clothes up and caused some other damage.

She kept calling him crying and saying she wanted him back and she'd made a mistake. It came to a head last weekend when we had concert tickets and he cancelled because she'd shown up, going on about how she's changed.

He got back to me saying he didn't know what to do. I made the decision for him. She told him I wasn't the right sort of person to settle down with as I work part time and don't own my house. That's because of my marriage breakdown and its consequences.

I'm sure it'll all end in tears. I did meet his mother briefly who seemed nice and said the ex was selfish and controlling.

I've had a lucky escape haven't I? I know men lie about crazy exes but I've seen one in action and this one is genuine.

I don't think I said that at all. I blocked him anyway though.

It would be her moving back with him if so as she was the one who left.

@Roosthenamei think you might have misread this post as “not” instead of “now” as you’ve commented a couple of times saying the OP hasn’t blocked him, when she very, very clearly said here that she has blocked him!

Regardless of her behaviour it seems like he has been deliberately vague and flakey with everyone to stimulate his ego. He is not the man of your childhood dreams.

He dated you because he was lonely presumably.

I'm thinking the same.

Apologies not sure where I got you were local to each other (although 15 miles is not exactly a long distant relationship and laughable he told you that his ex had said it was too far away. A very very much doubt she did say this by the way).

What a pathetic toad this man was. Forget the ex - she has nothing to do with this

I was portrayed as the psycho by my ex DH. I only find out he was bad mouthing me behind my back when I (foolishy) agreed to attend an evening out with him, to supposedly talk about getting back together. It was when one of his friends, who I hadn't met before, told me he hadn't realised how nice I was!!
I thought nothing of it until later when I realised that my Ex must have been slaggjng me off to his friends.
This is the "man" who threatened to burn my house down (we had 3 very young children together) 😡😡

As I got out of it when he told me he was unsure what to do and I told him I'd make it easy for him there'll be no way I'll find out what the outcome is.

It's a puzzling one as if she'd been gaslit or abused as someone suggested I can't see her begging for another chance and saying she's changed, which is what she did according to him. Or giving me and the neighbours a free show like she did which was mortifying.

His mother said (paraphrasing) "I'm glad Tom's met someone nice, it's been so peaceful without Mary around" and mentioned she was controlling and selfish. I said nothing, I didn't know what to say! She'd never met me before so she didn't know me at all.(I am quite nice though! 😗)

It's done now and for the best because the ex would continue to hang around and he now looking back appears weak and it would have been a battle I don't need.

which is what she did according to him

according to HIM

You seem to be accepting everything he tells you at face value. You need to employ some critical thinking if you’re in the dating game.

And to @MrsPapillon - I have no other reference point. He might have lied through his teeth, but I did witness how she acted. I doubt it was a one off.

You really are determined to lay part of the blame for this breakdown in this relationship on her!

It is ALL him. All him.

I'm not laying blame for the breakdown of the relationship on either of them. I wasn't there. It was over a year ago. I'm not interested going forwards. But I don't think I should have been screamed at and called abusive names by a complete stranger and then pat her on the head because the nasty man made her do it.

I'm out of it. It's for them to navigate and I wish them luck because from what I saw they'll need it - it's a circus.

Obviously he was putting on an act with me for three months and lying the whole time.

The break down of your relationship with him I presume the poster meant.

He sounds like A Pathetic limp weed of a man.

I would have scarpered at before now but the concern cancellation - that would have had me running.

That was when I decided enough was enough. He messaged and said he couldn't make the concert and would contact me tomorrow, ie Sunday. I left it there and when he rang saying she'd shown up begging for another chance the previous evening and that had scuppered the evening plans, wasn't sure what to do I said I'd leave him to decide without me in the equation. And then he was blocked. He'd paid for the tickets and was supposed to be picking me up. My son was at a sleepover with his cousins for the weekend. I've been married to a man who messed with my head. I don't need another.

He’s been dishonest to her and to you would be my guess. And yes very lucky escape. Thank goodness for the ‘block’ function. Enjoy some peace and some space from men for a little while.

Tf did I just read?
Sounds like he was playing both of you if she knew that much about you. I know nothing about my ex’s love life

What a pathetic lettuce leaf of a man

I would bet a lot he’s fed you a load of nonsense about his ex

I think so.

I dread to think what he said about you. Probably made out you were stalking him or something hence her coming to the house.

First time you get the whiff of drama with fairly recent ex… run. Not just for your sake but to avoid the potential drama in your own child’s life by you continuing it.