Men who hang up repeatedly

[Nicole999]

Does anyone have any experience of a man sending a mean text and when u call to get an explanation he repeatedly hangs up on you or does anyone know the reasoning behind such behaviour? I mean why do they do this what response are they after or trying to do? Also they claim to not want to end it and keep you in their life so it’s a break up. Thanks

He sounds horrible and like someone who doesn’t need to be in your life tbh. Men like this enjoy knowing you’re always available. He isn’t fit for an adult relationship.

He's training you to accept his shitty behaviour. Raise your standards and dump him.

Ok, you can’t fix him.
You can’t make him be a decent partner.
You can’t be in a relationship with him- it’s unhealthy for you and your dc.

Equally he can’t insist on being in a relationship with you. He doesn’t get to say. You don’t have to wait for him to ‘give’ you a divorce.

Take agency in your life. You aren’t married to the man you wish he was or the man he could be, but to the man who runs away, and abuses you when stressed. That’s a choice he’s making.

Why would someone who loves you send a mean text? They wouldn’t. Why would you need to try and get an explanation for obviously mean behaviour? You don’t.

Stop trying to explain why shitty behaviour isn’t ok. He knows it’s not ok. He just wants you to tolerate it.

If he split up with you he’d have to train a whole new victim into tolerating his shitty behaviour and trying to make excuses for “why he might be acting this way”.

He doesn’t keep you because he likes you, he keeps you because you are a willing and accessible victim. He is fine with treating you badly as long as he gets what he wants. Infact, he may even get a sick enjoyment out of treating you shaudily.

Either way, he doesn’t love you…infact, he hates you. Look at his actions they show it clearly. Stop trying to give him opportunities to prove otherwise. He won’t take them because “if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck”.

Love yourself. Get rid of this predator.

You do understand. You say it clearly - “he seems to enjoy hurting me”.

You just don’t want to believe this.
But it’s true and you know it.

People who love us don’t enjoy hurting us.

You say he is gone for a month? Great, use this time to consult a solicitor and see what is needed in a divorce.

“He does xyz but says he wants to stay married?” So? Who gives a flying fuck about what a man who calls you a bitch WANTS? He should have thought of that before he abused you. You can end the marriage for any reason you want, you don’t need his permission.

Children should not be raised in a household where their mum is being abused. Get him gone.

If you really, really want to give it a shot and he really, really wants to change then he - he - needs treatment from a qualified psychiatrist. If that works, then you both need couples therapy.

I don't hold out much hope for this based on what you have said. I would follow the advice of other posters and get your ducks in a row.

Well then you need to take your children and leave him. That is literally the only answer. He won't change, so you have to.

You cannot continue your life like this you will have a nervous breakdown. So sorry it’s heartbreaking to read. Be brave and say you need a break from him.

Thanks a lot everyone. He sent my mother a text saying he was happy to be free of me and wants to find a new wife & have better kids. That shattered me to hear to be honest. I’ve accepted it’s over but to be so cruel to say he wants to move on straight away & even replace his kids is unforgivable to me. I can’t stop crying I don’t know how I could’ve ever trusted him & how he could be so cruel. He made his sister text me asking for the kids to speak to him but she said he never wants to speak to me again. Here I was expecting an apology at least, even if we’ve agreed to divorce but this is how he’s choosing to act. I was also shocked his brother & sister didn’t convince him to least apologise 😭

Thanks I think I’m close to having one to be honest

Be aware that he is probably already seeing someone else. Either that or, this is some fucked up test to see if you will take him back later on after he has treated you that way. Don’t do it!

I know it’s stressful now but, start proceedings to make a clean break from him. In six months time with him gone and your body able to regulate itself again (becuse it’s no longer dependent on his mood swings to determine how your day goes) you will feel so much happier.

Take this out, it’s actually a gift as hopefully you can get clean away from him as much as possible whilst he thinks it’s his idea.

I'm sorry for your pain, but he is doing you a massive favour. I know it won't seem like it at the moment, but just weather the storm, then you will be free to have the life you deserve.

She is married to him and has children with him.

Ah, Op, he will never change unless something drastic would force him to change. Of course his Bipolar contributes to his behaviour but fundamentally its not an excuse, it can be controlled and in a lot of ways he has a choice of how to behave (for example, if he can keep his job and does not get in trouble with other people apart from you - then its definitely something he can control).

He enjoys controlling you and he knows he is hurting you. The only way to change this situation is to show him he has no control, that you are strong and that you would leave if he does not make effort. And be prepared to leave/ call police/ go to court.

If you wondering - I lived with a Bipolar partner and gone from pretty much the same thing.

Also, I hope you did not know he was Bipolar when you had kids with him...

I rarely say this, but this is so utterly wrong, I think you should divorce him.

He’s not a nice person.

Worth noting that bipolar is often co-morbid with borderline personality disorder and that will often lead to the sort of abuse you see here within relationships.

Hanging up frequently? I wouldn’t let it get to frequently! Two strikes and you’re out!

Married or not you need to learn to ignore rude tests. Disengage don't beg for resolution it gives him all the power. It does however sound like his mental health is in a very bad place and he's using you as a punch bag. I'd ask him to move out and get help. You deserve better stop engaging with him.

OP, you don’t need his permission to divorce him. Think seriously about what you want, and whether you want your children to think it’s normal for a woman to be periodically abused by her DH and the father of her children because he can’t or won’t manage his MH. At the very least considering arranging for him to stay somewhere else until he can demonstrate that he is managing his bipolar disorder consistently over a period of time.

Op he doesn’t love you. He is saying he wants a new wife and kids to deliberately hurt you. Please wake up and see him for what he really is! No woman who really knew him would want to be his wife and have children with him because he’s an abusive hateful prick.

Please put your children first and get him out of all of your lives. Use this month to see a solicitor and discuss your options.

Maybe you should do what I hadn't done and read my next post 😂

It should be obvious that you've got relationship issues that you can't deal with while he's away. Take that time to get yourself organised because if you can't have a sensible conversation on his return your relationship is over.

While he's away just don't entertain this stupidity which is probably booze fuelled ( if he's not in the middle of the north sea)

Edit: ignore as finished RTFT 😕