Men who hang up repeatedly

[Nicole999]

Does anyone have any experience of a man sending a mean text and when u call to get an explanation he repeatedly hangs up on you or does anyone know the reasoning behind such behaviour? I mean why do they do this what response are they after or trying to do? Also they claim to not want to end it and keep you in their life so it’s a break up. Thanks

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He always does this when he’s stressed but promises not to then starts again. I’ve begged him to be mature and explain what the problem is as he’s 45 and we have 2 children. He promises to stop then starts again

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Thanks everyone. The problem is he says he doesn’t want to divorce and loves me. He acts decent for a while then turns to the rudeness and hanging up when he’s stressed. I just want him to stop being so immature and talk it though. I’ve cried on the phone to him for 2 days saying how much he hurts me and shows me he doesn’t love me. I even asked for a divorce but he said he loves me then continues behaving like this. I don’t really want a divorce deep down I want him to communicate like an adult that’s all but if it continues like this I will have to leave as my mental health is suffering. I spend all day crying & looking at my phone hoping he’ll call but he doesn’t. He won’t call or text he seems to enjoy hurting me and I don’t understand

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Oh my gosh, I assumed this was about some guy you've had a few dates with, not a husband!

He sounds like an arsehole though.

Although if he's busy with work, leave it be for now. But it absolutely needs to be discussed when he's home:
A) the reasons for and content of his texts
B) the immature and dismissive manner of his communication

There are multiple issues here.

Leave him be, hes being a sulky prat!!

What does he mean by consequences!?

Oh fuck, sorry I hadn't read this before my last reply.

I'm really sorry my love, but you are being abused by your husband. This is classic emotional psychological abuse and mindgames.

Speak to womens aid or refuge, they have helplines.
Do you have any support in person, family or friends?

You're refusing to accept reality. He is what he is. You want him to be something different, but he's not. It's like having a dog and wanting it to be a cat. It won't work, no matter how much you try. In the meantime, you're exposing the DC to this, and they will grow up thinking this is how relationships work.

You can’t control his behaviour or make him change. You don’t need his permission to break up. I would take this month of him being away to line up a way out of this relationship. You want to feel secure and loved and he can’t give you that

This.

Sounds unhinged and threats also points to emotional abuse/coercive control.

OP Keep the texts as they are good evidence to show police or support services.

Sending you a hug !

Because he is a horrible person.

Divorce him. He is nasty. He is not the person you want him to be.

Thanks no I literally have no one to talk to. My parents are abroad and don’t talk to me (they don’t want to see or speak to my kids) and I’m an only child. I have no friends as they’ve all moved away. I’m basically a single mum with 2 kids and I can’t stop crying which is so hard whilst looking after the children all alone. I called my husbands sister yesterday and she promised to talk to him and call me back so I texted her today but she also ignored me

Quite a drip feed OP. So the man in question is your husband who is bi-polar, and you suspect he's experiencing psychosis. However he doesn't behave like this all the time, but he is cruel and calculated in his treatment of you. I think you need to decide what is best for you and the children - it doesn't matter that he doesn't want to separate. His behaviour is manipulative and abusive. If leaving is best for you (and honestly I think it is), then you should. His BP and MH is not a reason to accept abuse. You need impartial support and advice, not his family. With respect, there is only so much his sister can say to him. Try Women's Aid as a starting point.

Certainly not. Mainly because I would immediately block any idiot man who sent me rude texts and I certainly wouldnt be ringing him for the extended insult remix.

Edit- oh, he is your husband??? Then I would leave. I would not put up with being called a bitch constantly or any other unimaginative insults like that

You might not want to divorce, but it sounds like you need to, for your sake and your children. You don't say how old they are, but please think about the impact that his abusive behaviour will have on them.

Put him in the bin!

Look up codependency.
Push yourself to find new friends.
Are you able to build bridges with your family?

How old are your children?
If school aged, reach out to the school they will have a pastoral team that can support you..if they're younger, then the health visitor can refer and support.

Regardless of your dynamic with your husband, you definitely need a support network... parenting kids is so hard and doing it completely alone is exhausting and depressing.
We are not meant to be isolated beings, we humans are social creatures (some more than others!)

If someone hung up on me I’d never be speaking to them again without an apology first? So no I have not experienced this being a repeated pattern.

Thanks everyone I have now blocked him as I can’t take anymore humiliation & disrespect. He blocked me straight away too which is the strange part

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

It's easy to say he loves you but he is unable to show that in bis words and actions. After this performance alone - never mind whatever shit he's pulled in the past - if he was my husband he'd be coming home in a month to an empty house.

(Also, having just seen your update about blocking, it seems clear to me that he's trying to provoke you into a reaction so he can either let you take the blame for the breakdown of your marriage, or so he can point to your response and call you crazy)

Lovely, I am so sorry for your situation.

It won't change though, not until YOU take action. Because he doesn't want to change. He chooses to handle conflict in this style.

The problem is he says he doesn’t want to divorce and loves me

This isn't the problem. The problem is that he can't handle the relationship, for whatever reason.

So ... what are you going to do about it? You can't change him. You don't have that power, or right. You can only decide what to do with yourself, and the two children, now.

What is your living situation, and what is the plan for when he comes home in a month?

Blocking him is one thing, but I think you might need to accept that more needs to be done. You do need support, please contact Women's Aid and they will help you think through what steps to take next.

But you already know what the problem is. He has a bipolar diagnosis and is not managing it, that's the problem. You know this so no other explanation for his text was necessary. I am not saying this is right or fair or something you should be dealing with. I am saying, you have all the explanation and information you can possibly need to there was no point in calling him or refusing to pick up a call when he rang to speak to his children.
He needs to stay on him meds and you need to consider whether this is a relationship you want. Everything else is just making the bad situation worse.

Because they’re a prick.

Thats really as far as analysis on this needs.

Talk to Women’s Aid and tell them what you have told us.

You are never going to change him.

You do not need his permission to divorce him.