How common is it for men against marriage to marry the next GF?

[carkey26]

How many people do you know where the man has told his long-term partner he doesn't believe in marriage / won't get remarried etc only to marry (usually pretty soon!) the next girlfriend who comes along?

This happened to me although quite a few years ago, and it was so humiliating. A lot of lessons learnt there!

I'm just curious how common this is. I don't actually know anyone else it's happened to.

I agree with this. I was on the other side of the situation, not interested in marriage or kids , I had a few long term relationships but they fizzled out eventually because I didn’t want to commit, but when I met my DH it was a whole different experience, and I knew commitment to him was the right decision without hesitation.

This doesn’t mean my ex boyfriends weren’t decent, nice men , it just means they weren’t right for me.

But often they aren’t against marriage, they just can’t see themselves married to the person who wants to marry them. Or if they do honestly don’t see marriage as a thing and then do it well it’s fir the wrong reasons and will be a disaster probably.

It can definitely work both ways.
I’ve seen it end up being a complete disaster a few times.

Every serious partner I have had has gone on to have kids with the next. Sadly I remain childless.

I knew someone who was married and wanted kids. Her dh didn't. He then left her for someone else and had kids with them. I read on here that if they meet someone who they think is above them in terms of looks or youth, they will go the extra mile and have kids to try and hang on to them.

There's a type of bloke out there that will tell their girlfriend or partner they're against marriage or don't believe in it but there's an unspoken 'to you,' at the end of the phrase more often than not. They either know exactly what they're doing or they're deceiving themself because they don't want to think of themselves as stringing their partner along because if they were open and honest they'd probably get dumped.

I’m the One that didn’t want to get married.

i was with my ex for 16 years (he was abusive but that’s not why I didn’t want to marry him).
I refused every time he asked.

I met my now husband and we were married 6 months later and have been married for almost 15 years.

I imagine it is going to happen to me, and I am done with it.
9 years together, 2 young children, supported his career, financially vulnerable. He proposed when i was 6 months pregnant with the second, ring has never fit properly, I have been to three jewelers and explained to him it is £400 to use the stones in a new setting. Nope, apparently not got the money, despite earning 6 figures. We have seen one wedding venue. We went to the one I desperately wanted to see, and when we arrived I couldn't even get out the car to view it, as I know it wont happen. It was almost like the final realisation.
He refuses to just go and sign the paperwork at a registry office wants the big princess wedding, I have said we can sign the paperwork and then do the party, nobody would need to know.
I am literally his show pony fake wife he takes to the rare events of his well off friends, who we never socialise with otherwise. I have spent nearly 6 years putting up with family verbal and emotional abuse from his side (he is extremely traumatised by his childhood but wont ever upset them and takes for granted I have always put up with it).
I am making a long term plan but yes, I would never change my children and love them immensely but I got well and truly trapped and highly suspect that if we can't turn this around he will just marry the first woman that comes along.

It's happened to me twice 😫

Very common. Have you never watched when Harry Met Sally? I’m sorry though, it sucks.

I have never understood why people feel humiliated by other people's shit behaviour.

This.

It doesn't even have to be a stern 'no'. Just a negative attitude towards it such 'Well I suppose we can get married if you really want to', is warning sign enough. They may actually go through with it, but in their hearts, you're still not The One for them.

Let’s not forget Princess Beatrice, dated Dave Clark for a decade. He proposed to and married Lynn Anderson within a year or two. A royal poster child.

@Pizzaandwine2122

Sorry to hear about your experience. I'm rooting for you, but I don't think the happy ending you want is with him.

DH told me he didn’t believe in marriage and he would never marry. 9 months later we got engaged, he proposed and we were married after 18 months knowing each other. So much for that.

I’m a woman.

I was positively anti-marriage when I was with ex-DP (and the ones before him). Relationships ranged from 1 year to 3.5 years.

Married DH after 18 months together.

When men do this, they are usually using the long term partner to find out everything they want in a wife and what they dont want in a wife, so they are all ready to meet future wife when the long term relationship ends. Hope ive explained that properly im not very good at it lol..

My ex and I were engaged, but the actual getting married thing slipped away, he went from gushing romantically about it to changing the subject every time it came up. He also was adamant he didn’t want any more children.

We split up and he quickly moved on to a new partner, and within 18 months they were married with a new baby. A big fancy hotel wedding with traditional outfits for our children etc.

But, it means nothing. That marriage barely lasted 5 years, he’s had 3 ‘serious’ relationships since his wife, and is engaged again now.

Don’t take it personally @carkey26, such men are shallow idiots.

Yes my DH was with his ex 10 years
2 kids
They split - his choice

Met me 6 months or so later
we got married within 6 months and been married almost 30 years no kids together as we didn’t want any
but still very happy and in love

There was a thread on this less than 6 weeks ago - it's linked below at bottom of page. So I think you can assume it is pretty common.

@EarthSight thank you and I agree with you, I think I am just going through the "mourning" phase for something that won't happen, and having to work out my long term plan.

Very common!
You also forgot starting a family too despite being absolutely adamant that they never wanted children....🙄🙄

I don't know but I was in a relationship for nearly 17 years. We didn't live together and he just didn't want to commit and he told me this right from the beginning of our relationship. As far as I know he has never married and lives on his own .He is now 83.
Three other men I know seemed to have found another woman not long after their wives died, although they don't live with their new partners.

I do think most people have a view of what marriage material is to them. If a man or woman isn’t committing to you then you basically aren’t it in their eyes! I’ve seen it happen a lot.

I was a serial “penultimate” girlfriend. Two longer term relationships, and a couple of short term ones as well, where the next women to come along was The One. They are all nice chaps so as Maui would say, you’re welcome.