Newly an Uncle

[CuriouslyGeorge]

Hello all, I came across this forum in a past web search, and I am looking for some perspective and/or advice on this particular issue.

My nephew is two years old and I am not allowed to see him unless I change the way I speak around him.

The big one, I curse/swear.

The smaller one, If I see a problem and bring it to attention, I am made out to be the problem for bringing up the problem.

I have cut down tremendously on how much I swear & also I do not use certain swear words anymore, and that is still not good enough.

When I was growing up, I rarely ever saw my Uncles on my mother's side due to sibling issues (2 brothers and a sister)

and now, I feel history is repeating itself (2 brothers and a sister) - my brother rarely ever sees our nephew and I can't ever recall him even trying to due to problems with our sister as well

Like mother like daughter, they seem to want to control every aspect of life, only now it seems to be using my nephew as a pawn.

I have certain things things I disagree with so I have mentioned compromise, she changes that one thing, i'll change this one thing... nope no go, only my thing must change as far as she's concerned.

This is really heartbreaking.

Don’t swear in front of little kids, it’s that simple

I think you’ll find dadsnet members would also tell you to stop swearing around your nephew.

Your sister clearly doesn’t like you (can’t imagine why 🤣). She doesn’t need to compromise because frankly she doesn’t care if she or her child doesn’t see you. She is happy with the status quo.

She knows you are too up your own arse to be someone she likes and respects so I think you should just reconcile that you won’t be having a relationship with your nephew. I don’t think your nephew will be overly fussed in the long run.

When the uncle is a controlling and verbally incontinent twat yes its a good thing.
Oh and btw your sister is not controlling, abusive or neglectful just because she won't compromise on what is in her opinion important when it comes to her child (nobody should swear around young children) or change all her kitchen door handles due to 1 trip and fall that resulted in no injuries.
You need to accept that you have no right to see your nephew, dictate how your sister decorates her home or demand that she makes compromises for you.
This is a you problem not a sister problem

Yes if the uncle is being completely unreasonable and interfering like you. I really don't blame your family. You're sense of entitlement is unreal. I would not aloud my child around anyone who swore, who cares if you've cut down, it should be zero.

Is this Incel 2.0? Men now have a right to relationships with their family’s children?

OP sounds young and I would guess in the US?

No one here is claiming to be perfect. However, it's totally normal to not want swearing around your child and to not want to be told how to parent your own child by anyone - especially a non-parent.

So it's not just me getting incel vibes from him.

Yes. Not trying to be rude, but uncle isn't really a vital relationship for a child.

Nope, the whole 'praying for your children' felt like one step away from referring to us as hysterical femoids

I’m meeting my nephew next week for the first time having missed the first 11 years of his life as overseas so although an aunt for years I haven’t had the opportunity to properly be one.

I can be a touch on the sweary side but won’t be around nephew as I am very capable to not swear around children and managed perfectly well around my own children.

In the past there were social media posts from nephew’s mother which really were quite alarming but I didn’t comment and will my best to be civil to her if I have the misfortune to ever meet her.

Hell will freeze over before I will comment on my brother’s parenting. I will offer an opinion if asked but will otherwise keep my opinions (of which I have very very many) firmly to myself .

Think if I do this I will hopefully develop a good relationship my nephew, at least I am hoping I do.

I didn't have people around my children who swore either. (Or who were smoking. Or who were drunk.)

Your whole tone is aggressive. I'd imagine that is part of the problem. And probably a greater part of the problem when you're expressing concern about safety because youre clearly upset about this but you're coming across as angry and hostile and exposure to angry, hostile men is far more damaging to a child long term than the occasional bump on the head whilst parents are navigating their ever changing needs and mobility.

And you don't need to pray for my children. They're in their 20s now and well adjusted, independent, educated professionals who have benefitted from not having uncouth, aggressive men in their lives 👍🏻

They get to decide what kinds of behaviour are and aren’t acceptable to them around their own DC, yes.

Given your repeated claims that this constitutes ‘using the DC as a pawn’ (which IMO this isn’t at all), I’m inclined to think that the swearing isn’t the only issue they have with how you might behave around their child.

You are not alone.

I am amazed that you think it is ok to swear around children regardless of the fact you have reduced it and not use certain words. I would not want you around my child if you are using any swear words.

The handle thing I can see your point but honestly it is your mother's and sister's choice whether they pose a risk or not.

I think you need to take a hard look at yourself. You don't come across as a particularly pleasant person.

The threads like this that we’ve been seeing here recently piss me off so much.

Behold, man enters to get messageboard of women to agree with him and use this as evidence to further berate his female relatives (wife/sister/mum/delete as appropriate).

Maybe fucking listen to the women in your lives when they tell you what behaviour towards them/their children they will/won’t accept. Just a thought.

You sound a bit deranged tbh. They don’t need to compromise on how they parent their own child.
They also get to choose who spends time with their child. If you can’t quite swearing they have every right not to have you spend time with him.
I swear like a trooper, but still manage not to in front of children, it’s not difficult.

Just imagine how enraged he'll have been by the replies though 😆

And I doubt any of the women on here will have shed too many tears over his inadequate huffing and puffing (even if he did promise to pray for them twice!)

I'd like to think it was a windup TBH but you're right, there have been increasing numbers of posts of quite an aggressive nature.

It made me remember my Dad though, who despite being in very masculine environments his whole life, was absolutely mortified and apologised automatically and profusely when he said the F word (under real stress) in my presence.

I was 24.

The issue here isn't swearing, it is doing it in front of kids and the entitlement.

You sound immature. She can lay down some ground rules around who has access to her child. Asking someone not to swear is a small ask.

You can choose to swear in front of your own future children but you don't get to dictate or negotiate with your sister about hers.