Financial fairness for sahm

[whoopdeenotdo]

Hi I have a question

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years , married for 6 .
When we met I was a house owner and he was renting . He moved into my house then we bought a house together . I put my house as a buy to let and I earn a monthly income of £500 monthly .
when we had children I returned to work 28 hours a week and we’d put everything into a shared account . I earnt more than him , all extra , not a lot tbh got put into savings .
In 2018 he got a really good position and I left work so he could work away , build his business and we had a second child .
We moved into a bigger house and renovated it . He pays for everything that’s joint and has plenty left for a holiday away with friends once a year and if I want to go away he would pay . He pays for everything and I use my money from rented house for what I class as my personal spends , meals with friends, haircut appointments etc.

when I gave up work we talked about me having a small amount to add to my pension . This has never happened . I’ve not been working for 8 years and my retirement age is coming up . Am I being unreasonable to ask my husband for an allowance and top up for my pension . He acknowledges my being at home a has given him the opportunity to build his career and I acknowledge he works hard and has given us a good life that my wage wouldn’t have matched . I was a senior practitioner in the NHS so not on minimum wage . I don’t have savings because I use leftover to keep as repairs for rented house etc

How old are your children now? You never went back to work, even when they could be responsible at home after school?

Why hadn’t the pension payments happened
This has put you at a disadvantage for sure
why haven’t you worked in so long when assuming your kids are older? Do you have a private pension and shared savings? You mentioned you have none
your rental property - do you share that income / pool it?

for me, it’s simple when you marry all money is family money
I know lots of marriages don’t work like that but …

I’m confused here. You never returned to work? You need to have this conversation very soon OP. You might find you need to return to work in some capacity before it’s too late.

In 2018 you had a second child but now you’re near retirement ? Im confused.

I would be getting myself back into work, he promised something which never materialised so you have to put your own finances first.

He will have to take on joint responsibility for holiday care, wrap around care etc.

He pays for everything and you spend your £500 on haircuts and socialising? I’d say get a job and sort your own pension out.

Sounds like a good time to get a job OP. I’m not sure the fact that he was renting when you met 25 years ago makes a difference really. You have great earning potential, go get a job! And remember the buy to let house will help towards your pension one day

I left work as our second child has additional needs that no family support around us to care for her and someone needed to be there while he worked away. My work couldn’t accommodate flexible hours .

my £500 is saved for when repairs are needed on my property and often wiped out

He has a holiday once a year and would be OK if you did same. (Comes out of joint account so doesn't really matter which of you pays). You still have £500 per month to spend on yourself, why not put that to your pension? Sounds like your DH is getting the short end of the stick.

My youngest child is 13 . I’m 59 .

In 2018 you had a child. That child is now 8 or 9. With additional needs.

you’re near retirement, you say. retirement age is 67.

so you had a child at 58 or 59?

You said it was for personal spends in your OP.

And I swear every time an OP is advised to get a job they suddenly reveal their kids additional needs on here. You left your job before having a second kid in your OP.

I’m currently volunteering at a place to get experience to start employment.

X post with you. 2018 to 2026 is not 13.

our youngest is now 13 with additional needs

Your story makes no sense?

So you had your youngest child at 46…?
what were you doing in all the intervening years - you should have had 20 years plus of pension contributions before you became a STAHP

I gave up work in 2018 , our child was born 2013 not that I see how this is relevant to the question

How can they be if they were born in 2018? The maths simply doesn’t work.

It’s totally different to what you said in your OP

Yes I do have a pension that I haven’t paid in to since 2018

You said

In 2018 he got a really good position and I left work so he could work away , build his business and we had a second child.

Our second child is adopted

Surely you could sell you soley owned house and buy an annuity to top up your 20 years of NHS pension when the time for retirement comes?

Born in 2013