What does friends with benefits mean if you are exclusive?

[Mylifehasimploded]

What is a FWB?
I met someone through Facebook dating, met for a date and we got on really well. Date 2 ended up with us having sex. Arranging date 3, and he wants to come to mine. A few texts back and forth and he said he would like “FWB to start with”, but he doesn’t want to see anyone else, and nor is he looking. So, is FWB just no strings sex? But then he wants to be monogamous and not look for anyone else, so there are strings attached.
i don’t want to ever live with anyone again, a LAT (living apart together) is my preference if i had to choose, and i think i have an anxious attachment style so i need to understand what FWB really is. Help please!

Maybe have some dates that aren't just going round to see each other for sex? Get to know him a bit better before you decide whether this sort of arrangement is what you are looking for. It can't be a Friends with Benefits relationship unless you are friends. At least he's told you he isn't intending to go around shagging other people whilst seeing you, but at the same time he has also been honest enough to tell you that's all he's interested in at the moment.

Just be aware that some men say they want FWB but actually have no interest in the friend part. It’s just their way of saying they want sex without having to make any effort or treat you like a human being they’re actually interested in as a person.

I’d be saying that I’m only exclusive with people who are interested in getting to know me and spending time together beyond sex, not to be a booty call.

FWB or "Friends with benefits" is exactly what it says on the tin. It means friends who have sex. A lot of men on dating apps will say they want FWB, however what they're actually after is no strings sex (sometimes called Fuck Buddy). Friends with benefits sounds a bit nicer than saying I want a reliable Friday night shag but nothing else

I'd be very wary of someone who says "FWB to start with" - I think a lot of men will pretend there's a chance for something to develop even if they have no intention of it being anything more, again because this is more appealing to women who want a more significant relationship.

In my eyes the difference between a FWB and no strings sex is a FWB should spend time with you outside the bedroom. Hang out, go for dinner/drinks, watch a movie and have a laugh (then have sex). If those things are missing then you've got yourself a fuck buddy. No reason why FWB can't be exclusive, not everyone wants to be sleeping with multiple different people.

The difference between FWB and a relationship is the feelings, the romance and the future planning. If you're falling for the guy, meeting his parents, going on holiday together and planning things more than a few months into the future that's relationship territory.

Ask him exactly what he means by FWB. Don't get into a FWB relationship unless you're happy for it to never progress past that. And don't let him keep you hanging with vague promises of maybe something more in the future because that's normally bullshit. Look after yourself!

It seems to mean whatever you want it to mean, in the same way you have many kinds of friends, some of whom you see once a year, some you talk to on the phone once a month, some you see everyday but maybe don’t feel so close to.

You need him to clarify what HE means by FWB. For some the friends part is important, for others it may mean just a bit more than cold no strings sex.

Is he actually going to take you out and do anything or is it just showing up at yours for a shag every so often?

@Mylifehasimploded Date 3 isn't going to be a date. He wants to come to yours so he can have sex with no effort and leave when he is finished. If that the sort of arrangement you want? If it isn't, throw him back and don't waste any more time.

Don’t go there… I’ve just wasted 8 months of my life… never ends well!!!

I think fuck buddy fits better, so disappointing. He’s the first man I’ve been interested in in a long time, and being held and touched was so welcome, it was intoxicating. The chatting when we met just flowed and I could see we got along so well, but I just know I’d get feelings and he obviously wouldn’t.

If he is asking for exclusive, he's not talking about FWB. If you like him, you could push back on what he's offering and say that you want to date properly and be open to a relationship if it develops rather than keep it as FWB. If he doesn't want that, you stop seeing him. I think what he's saying is not far from that, he's just using unclear terminology.

Do you need a label on it after 3-4 dates? If it’s a casual relationship where you meet up and have good times, and don’t date other people in the meantime what does it matter what it’s called so long as it serves you both?

To me a fwb means someone who you meet up to go to the museum, a walk, a takeaway, cinema, local attraction, day out, things you want to do but feel a bit of a plum going on your own. No holding hands, but maybe stopping over each other's homes and having mutual sex at the end of a day after doing the above. Not just turning up for sex.

This exactly. I’d proceed with caution OP (if you proceed at all) especially with anxious attachment.

I also found when OLD, some men wanted to get me to go exclusive so they had that benefit that I wasnt looking for anyone else but they actually wouldnt bother with exclusivity on their end!

He just wants a fuck whenever he fancies it. I very much doubt that he's "exclusive" either. He just doesn't want you to fuck anyone else.

To me the main difference between exclusive fwb and an actual relationship is the commitment level. What you do in terms of dating day to day might not look much different - hanging out, doing stuff together, having sex. But in a relationship you're looking to eventually build a future together (whatever that looks like). FWB is a for-now arrangement where's there's no commitment to a future at all, it exists in the moment. It can be tricky for some people to manage their feelings in a FWB scenario so be careful.

Great advice!

I agree with you if he wants friends with benefits I don’t her can dictate that you should be monogamous too. If you like him go on dates that are not meeting up for sex…

He wants the sex, your care, your wife services and your emotional attachment to him, but he doesn't want the commitment to you so he can easily walk away whenever he sees fit. He wants to be able use the FWB framework you agreed to against you whenever you expect anything from him or demand more from him. "No can do, I told you, we're just FWB".

There's rarely anything good or beneficial in it for women to give anything, let alone sex and companionship, to a man that can't be bothered to commit. He's a chancer.

It's friends that have sex, but not with anyone else. Simples. Why overthink it. ASk the question. Is this a long term thing and leading to a relationship? If they say NO then you know what to do. Adults have adult conversations.

Isn't that a relationship ?
I'm not being sarcastic, I genuinely don't understand the difference between what you've described and a relationship.

This is spot on.

It's sex led though. Emotional connection isn't the fist thing on the agenda. It can have a romantic side but ultimately you're both going home at the end of the date and not really contacting each other until the next time you feel horny.

He just wants no strings sex. Not seeing anyone else at the moment but if someone comes along, he's free to have no strings sex with them too.

So I pushed back and he used the women and men are different line, men don’t look further forward than the next date/sex whereas women look ahead to 1000 date. Utter rubbish really. So I said if men only look one date ahead why has he already labelled it? No response, so he’s archived. I’m not doing it, even if he’s hot as hell 😂

Well done on ending this nonsense
He admitted that he was just looking for sex

I have a FWB, we hang out most weekends, go to the cinema, hold hands/kiss etc, cook for each other. We are exclusive, he’s said he loves me, text/call daily
some men use FWB for just sex