Daughter causes issues. I feel bullied.

[Tooldforthisshit]

Daughter (23) refuses to go back to university or get a job and states ill heath is holding her back. I've had enough and she's started to dictate my life. We're moving and she doesn't like the house.
Tonight blew up because the nhs app told her to go to A and E for a review after having a chest infection.
She's gone to the pharmacy with her father. I refused to wait up there. I'm disabled and I m only just returning to health after serious illness. She's supposed to be my carer. I don't even get a cup of tea.
I've had enough. Her brother was a bully and now I feel she's following in his footsteps.
What would you do?

Your daughter seems to have a lot of difficulties herself (which you seem remarkably uncaring and dismissive of.)

Maybe spend a minute considering what help she might need?

This is an incredibly toxic dynamic which you are playing a part in. You need to change your approach. Why do both of your children bully you? I don’t know if you realise this but there is a sense of you feeling like a victim from what you have written. That mentality usually makes it much harder to take responsibility for your part in dynamics and to solve things. Start there.

Hmmm a lot feels off about this dynamic. It doesn't sound as if your daughter is bullying you, it sounds like she's not in great health herself and doesn't want to care for you as well. She may have thought it was a good idea at the time but it isn't. Also, why is she living at home and commuting to university? It seems like this is more your decision than hers and that you do expect her to care for you alongside studying, and see refusal to do that as 'bullying.' And why are you moving house to somewhere more convenient for her? It sounds like you're actively trying to stop her fleeing the nest? It does sound like there's a bit of DARVO going on here tbh.

I mean she is getting benefits though…carers allowance

@boreded you have to look after someone for 35 hours or more to qualify for carers allowance. That's thing's like shopping and personal care. Sounds like the ops daughter isn't providing anywhere near that amount of care....

She might not be doing that but she will be claiming…she took it over from the niece.

it’s not explicitly stated but it is implied