Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Can a women and a man be best friends?

54 replies

Moonlightfrog · 11/09/2026 16:26

I used to think they could but now I am thinking ‘not’.

I have had a male best friend for around 6/7 years, I see him most weeks, we text constantly, share hobbies and I truly thought we would be best friends forever. I have dated a few people over the past 6 years and have always made sure I still made time for my best friend, continued to text him and meet up most weeks.

A few months ago he met someone and since then things have changed completely. He rarely messages and when he does it’s just general ‘how are you?’ With little conversation or interest. We have seen each other once over the summer and that was just to meet up for a coffee with his children and mine.
It feels like he no interest in any of the hobbies we have shared for years and he suddenly likes all the things this new person likes.

I feel like I have been replaced and that none of the things we did together were important to him. I feel like he only liked the things I liked because he wanted to spend time with me, now he’s found a new person he now likes all the things they like and shows no interest in anything else. I don’t feel like I know him anymore. It really hurts and I feel used.

I have stepped back and given him space but he doesn’t seem to care or notice.

I have gone from spending most weekends doing things with him to spending most weekends in my own. I know that’s not his issue and that I can spend time with other people but it makes me feel a little sad and disappointed. I don’t mind spending time alone but I miss sharing things with him….things we both used to find exciting but now he doesn’t.

I have always had male friends, I guess I find men easier to get along with (maybe because I am ND). I do have other friends but not really close friends.

I am now questioning if it’s even possible for a female to have a male best friend? Do all men act like this in friendships?

OP posts:

thisismeithinkorisit · 12/09/2026 19:02

Moonlightfrog · 11/09/2026 17:51

Just to add….I don’t expect him to spend every weekend with me. Often we would do our own thing but we would maybe catch up one evening instead of a weekend, at one point he would almost demand he saw me.

I guess I feel like he showed interest in all the things I liked just to get make me be friends with him, showing interest in the hobbies I already had and even buying similar clothing to me. And now suddenly he’s doing the same to someone else. They are apparently not an item, she friend zoned him, but he’s totally obsessed with her. Of course I want him to be happy. I just feel like I have been replaced.

well this isn't about male and female then. he sounds fickle and wishy washy. I think plenty of women can be like this.

tbh it sounds too intense. You've basically got a relationship without the physical intimacy. now he's moved on, you're trying to fill a gap that's not quite just friendship but isn't a relationship either

thisismeithinkorisit · 12/09/2026 19:03

Dontcallmescarface · 12/09/2026 17:29

Exactly this.

When my best mate met his (now), wife our Friday nights out stopped as did our regular phone calls. I wasn't put out or offended by that as he was doing what I would have expected him to do (as he is a decent human being), which was putting her above me. Thirty years on he still does, as he should.

Show quote history

what does this mean tho? that you're relegated to someone he messages at Xmas on a chain mail or that you still see and communicate with level of regularity and emotional intimacy?

Original poster

Moonlightfrog · 12/09/2026 20:32

MulberryFresser · 12/09/2026 08:21

The ND thing is relevant here because you may take longer to adjust to a change. Friends change: priorities change. My male best friend from
uni stopped talking to everyone after he got divorced. None of us had done anything knowingly wrong. His parents, ex-wife and sister still occasionally check in and say hi with a few friends who have known them for decades.

Perhaps the new love interest has other qualities or benefits that you don’t have? It may be worth concentrating on yourself and your own hobbies/self-development/making different friends than worrying about this guy.

Edited

Thank you. Yes, I feel being ND is relevant in several ways and is also a reason why I find men easier to get along with. Men are just generally less complicated and easier to read (though not always). I struggle with change, so going from ‘seeing someone most weeks’ to ‘not seeing someone for months’ feels huge to me. Also the feeling of rejection due to RSD which is a huge lard of being ND.

I do know that my brain isn’t always being rational and it’s the exact reason I posted my feeling here rather than telling him. I totally feel no romantic connection to him, I do know he has felt that way towards me in the past. I thought we could remain friends and we became very close friends.

I know both males and females can drop friends when they get a new partner, I just thought he wouldn’t do that as it’s something we have spoken about before. When I have dated people I have gone out of my way to make sure I still see him. I do have other friends I spend time with too but I also make time to still see him when he wants to see me.