What do you do when your DH has no respect for you at all?

[dogsaremybusiness]

Kind of at my wits end here. DH regularly shouts at me, calls me names, I’ve been called Cunt, Mong, etc, but for about 70% of the time he’s not like that. It’s wearing thin now. We don’t have any sex (his choice). This is my 2nd marriage and I’m desperate to save it. He was awful today before work. Screamed in my face and kicked his work bag before leaving. He blames his high stress job as a police controller.

Just to add, my single friends were planning a trip and I declined, but I’m thinking I should just go and get a breather and some persective

You don’t have to put up with this. 2 divorces is nothing to be ashamed about. Actually fairly common.

In answer to your question, what would I do? I’d start making my escape plan.

This sounds like more than a lack of respect. Screaming in your face, calling you degrading names and kicking things in anger is abusive behaviour. The fact that he’s not like that 70% of the time doesn’t make the other 30% acceptable. A stressful job might explain him being stressed, but it doesn’t excuse taking it out on you. You shouldn’t have to tolerate being treated like this in order to save the marriage.

I think going away with your friends is a very good idea. He sounds truly awful, why do you want to stay with him?

Why did you decline the trip? Are you afraid of him?

Oh be alone and happy. I have been through several awful men and nothing is better than being alone than being with a bastard.

I’d leave

He's shit. I wouldn't be desperate to save it to be honest. There's nothing to save.

I wish he would have a work trip that would take him away for a month. It would let me assess how I feel. After my disastrous first marriage I had such high hopes for us, but it’s not good. Been together for 18 years too.

Desperate to save it? NO CHANCE! His is horrid. Go with your pals and chill out, when you come back fire his stuff out (black bag him) and change the locks. Your much better than that wanker!.

He’s taken over my house as well with all his stuff!

And he’s not my lover any more. I’m only 56 with a very healthy sex drive and he never shags me!!

You’ve stayed long enough. Time to be happy. Go on the trip, enjoy yourself and then make plans to divorce.

Why do you want to save it? What reason other than two failed marriages?

What you are describing isn’t just a lack of respect. That he works with the police also raises red flags. It makes it harder for you to report abuse. Staying and letting this escalate puts you at more risk than average.

You have done your time. 18 years is enough. Get out and free

Desperate to save what? He sounds thoroughly horrible. Being nice 70% of the time doesn’t give a free pass to be an abusive twat the other 30%. Don’t put up with it.

Your life sentence is complete. You can use the door now. Don't forget to check in with your legal representative asap.

What is there to “save”?

is it your house?

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. You and he now need to be apart permanently. His job is no excuse and he does not call his work colleagues those names. It’s not your fault he had decided to embark on his own private based war against you but there is nothing to fix or save here. And the 70/30 are numbers that’s you’ve plucked out of thin air.

Better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied. Ask yourself honestly why you would at all want to save this. You surely would not advise another person to try and save this if someone else was writing.

Get support from Women’s Aid and rebuild your life without him in it.

And obtain legal advice re separation and divorce asap. Knowledge is also power.

Why are you so desperate to save a relationship that is so clearly dead? I worry that you have very low self esteem and a twisted view of what is acceptable in a relationship. The only acceptable level of abuse is a relationship is ZERO.

Have you talked to family or friends about this? I hope you have support around you from people who really do love you and care about you (unlike your not-partner) and can help you extricate yourself from the mess you are in.

What do you do?

you leave

I'm sorry, but 'mong'? Really? 😂

If I remember rightly, I think the correct response is 'chinny reckon!'.

Throw the entire man in the bin.

Get rid of him

Op read everything you’re writing as if someone else wrote it. 2 divorces means nothing x