What do you do when your DH has no respect for you at all?

[dogsaremybusiness]

Kind of at my wits end here. DH regularly shouts at me, calls me names, I’ve been called Cunt, Mong, etc, but for about 70% of the time he’s not like that. It’s wearing thin now. We don’t have any sex (his choice). This is my 2nd marriage and I’m desperate to save it. He was awful today before work. Screamed in my face and kicked his work bag before leaving. He blames his high stress job as a police controller.

@dogsaremybusiness time to move on, i wouldn’t bother trying to save it with the way he’s behaved towards you and with the words he’s used, if he’d called me those things he’d need a bloody good dentist, he’s not even satisfying your urges in the bedroom, it’s dead in the water, time for you to find happiness again…somewhere else. Big hugs 🤗

Well, this morning I have been called a Motherfucker. Why you might ask? One of his parents is incredibly mean, in every way possible. I have listened to him talk about this for years and years. We are in agreement. Well, said parent is now sick, and he said something last night about their vulnerability, and I reminded him of how horrible this parent was, and not to get sucked in. In fairness, I did use the C word. Apparently, I must not talk badly of the parent now they are sick. Despite us talking about this for 18 years already. Now I must pretend they are lovely and forget all the previous misdemeanours. Sigh.

He has spun on his heel and is now sitting in another room. He leaves for work at 1pm. Usually I would approach him to resolve. I'm simply not doing it.

And to PP who asked, yes, the house is mine, and where we live he would have no claim on it in divorce.

Maybe now is the time to consider all your options.

Chuck the motherfucker out. It's not going to get any better.

He can go and live with his sick parent and look after them in their vulnerability! Prick of a man.

Pack his bags, change the locks and kick his sorry ass out.

He sounds like at utter prick and your life would be so much better without him.

Free yourself from this awful man! A lifetime alone would be a hundred times better than a life being his punching bag.

OP you leave, simple as that.

You are teaching him how to treat you by what you allow. So gather up your worth and leave him. I was in a marriage like that and it nearly destroyed me.

Go on that trip and then go back to get your ducks in a row, your H knows your worth, but hopes you dont and he knows what he is doing to you is wrong, yet still does it making you trauma bonded.

You are a boiled frog op.

being called a motherfucker is now just another day for you.

imagine a friend or your children was telling you that this had happened to them- even once!

Ive been married three times because I will not put up with this shit ever. Ive decided to stay on my own now. I dont need a man and Im actually much happier now.
Lovely evenings with my cats and a good book and outings with friends.
Good luck OP. You dont need an abusive man.

Well, I did not seek him out before work, he did however come outside where I was sitting in the garden, and he apologised. We had a long chat about the whole thing, and are now talking again. This is the cycle we get in. When he is on annual leave he is a different person - he hates his job so much. He retires soon, and I think I am just hoping that the Annual Leave version of him will be his every day version. We have so much good, that makes me stick with it - shared passions, shared interests, good fun, money situation is good.....it's just his temper, which comes out when he has work the next day. On his days off he is always cheerful. Gah.

As much as he’s deeply abusive I’m not sure I’d call his sick parent a cunt when he’s feeling upset about them being sick. I understand why you dong wish to show him any kindness or empathy but I’d not even say that to a stranger.

end your marriage, you hate each other,

He retires soon, and I think I am just hoping that the Annual Leave version of him will be his every day version.

Kick him out, and tell him he's on probation for moving back in.

#catsbeforetwats ❤️

Well that's great. You can tell him to leave with no negative financial consequences for you. He sounds absolutely horrible. Plus, you don't want to get roped in to helping care for his awful mother.

Ditto, except I have a dog instead of a cat.

Life alone is SO MUCH BETTER.